Too much chaos

[marauderinggrim]

Characters: marauderinggrim and the Marauder household
Location: The Marauders House
Time: Backdated to the Morning after the Kraken attack
Style: If you want any sort of speed, I'd prefer action
Status: Closed

Comments

[shounenphelps]

[Shin didn't press when Sirius collapsed on the couch; there had been a harried look on Sirius's face that Shin didn't think had anything to do with the battle itself, more whatever had happened to Sirius while he was gone. Shin tried to puzzle out what could have possibly happened to him, but didn't try to move him from the couch either. He could be patient; Sirius was back - that was all that mattered.

To keep from stressing out about it too much, Shin spends the hottest part of the day out in the pool. He does laps, he floats on the surface, reclines on the edge of the pool, and does a few aquabatic maneuvers between it all. Knowing Sirius, he'll approach when he's ready and not a moment sooner.]

[marauderinggrim]

[Sirius heard the splashing and moved from the garden to view the pool. Of course, he should have known it would be Shin. A small smile flashed across his lips as he watched, taking a little bit of peace from the normalcy of it all.

He wanted to tell Shin everything...he wanted to hold him and kiss him and just know that he was there and Sirius was there, no longer locked up in a place filled with only horror and loss.

He also knew Shin would want answers...and, as much as he didn't want to think about it...didn't want Shin to know about all that had happened, he knew he couldn't keep it from the other man either. He'd never been able to keep much from Shin.

Sitting by the edge of the pool, he decided to just watch until he was noticed, not really minding how long it might take.]

[shounenphelps]

[It was as Shin did strokes across the pool that he caught a glimpse of Sirius sitting there. Instead of continuing all the way down, he spiraled under the water to swim towards Sirius and pop up near him, then settle against the wall.]

Come to join me?

[Shin didn't do innuendo - not very well, anyway; this was purely a lighthearted attempt as a friend first and boyfriend second to get Sirius out of his funk.]

[marauderinggrim]

[Sirius thought about it for a moment before he shook his head and tried on a small smile just for him.]

I don't know...don't think I'd look so good in swim trunks right now. 'Sides...still a bit tired, I'd just slow you down.

[shounenphelps]

[He smiled and tilted his head a little.] Well, slowing down's never bothered me before.

[He processed the first remark as he hoisted himself up on the ledge, rotating easily so that he could sit near to Sirius without being too close. For one, he didn't want to drench Sirius in his normal clothes. For two, something was bothering Sirius, and that meant personal space was an important resource right now.]

[Hunching forward a little, Shin looked out at the pool rather than his boyfriend. His tone is wistful.] I don't have to know what happened unless you want me to. Having you back is enough.

[marauderinggrim]

[Although the traces of a smile fell on his lips, his eyes couldn't meet Shin's, in fact they stayed stubbornly away from him completely.]

I....I don't.. [What? He didn't trust Shin to know? That wasn't it. If he was honest, he was afraid of what his boyfriend would think. Sirius had failed everything he stood for in a few simple weeks and then he had ended up in Azkaban.

How did you tell the man you loved, whose opinion you held in high regard, that you were responsible for the deaths of two close friends and had tried to kill another; all the while doubting a man you had sworn to love?]

I wouldn't even know where to start. I don't know how to tell you. [That was easier to admit than admitting he was afraid to tell Shin.]

[shounenphelps]

[Shin still didn't try to meet his eyes, but looked down to Sirius's thigh and slowly reached out for his hand.]

I understand. As much as we've shared, I can think of a few things that would be hard to talk about even now, hard to explain and to revisit.

[Then he tried to lay his hand on top of Sirius's.]

[marauderinggrim]

[Sirius flinched a little at the contact, not really expecting it. He didn't want the unwanted reaction to push Shin away though so he quickly recovered and took Shin's hand in his own.

As much as he felt unworthy of Shin's feelings, he knew it was possible he would collapse with out them so, selfishly, he was going to hold on as much as he could.]

...I'm glad you're still with me.

[shounenphelps]

[Shin smiled fondly in response.]

I can say the same. And I'll still be here when you want to talk to me about it, Syr.

[He never expected to echo his mother's words, but they were too appropriate right now to leave unsaid.]

If... if you want to sleep on the couch again...

[marauderinggrim]

I...only did that because I hadn't showered yet. I didn't want... [How much to explain...?]

Where I was wasn't the nicest of places, I didn't want that near you.

But...I don't know if you want to share a bed with an old man.....it's been five...really, almost six years.

[shounenphelps]

[Shin can't stop his grip from tightening first and then going completely still as Sirius explained a little.]

Oh... [Was this it? The end?] I'm sorry for assuming... [His tone was clearly saddened, until his brain caught up and remembered what Sirius had just said - they were both happy to be together again, right?]

[He turned to look at Sirius, worried but hopeful. He could see the physical changes, now, made worse by stress he was sure. But it was still Sirius; Shin was positive. It was still the person who'd pried Shin out of his comfort zone and into loving embraces time and again.]

Forgive me being so direct, but all I can think to ask is... would you still share a bed with me?

[marauderinggrim]

[He's still a moment as the question process. Was Shin implying he really was still interested in him? He finally turned to look at the other man, his eyes betraying the vulnerability he was trying very hard to keep from his voice.]

I...Yes. Without a doubt. I...still love you very much, Shin. That's one thing I know hasn't changed.

[His confidence fails him and he looks away again.]

Still, I would understand if you weren't interested anymore. I'm not the same as I was.

[shounenphelps]

[A truly fond smile crossed Shin's face as Sirius turned away. With that affirmation, he could be a bit bolder in his response.]

I can tell you this much without hesitation...

[He pulled his knees in tight and smoothly stood up just enough to scoot behind Sirius. He placed both hands on Sirius's shoulders, then hugged him across the chest and settling his chin to the right of Sirius's head.]

I can't imagine myself with anyone else anymore. [He laughed a little - quietly.] You saw to that.

[It didn't matter that he was still a bit wet in spite of air-drying; he needed to show that he was being sincere. Then he sighed.]

I understand that you're not the same. I understand it might be different for... for us to be together again. I still want to try - [That was accompanied by another brief, squeezing hug] - because I think you're still you, and I love you too, Sirius Black.

[marauderinggrim]

[Sirius let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding; it was like removing a weight he'd had on his heart fr a long time. Gently, he placed a hand on top of Shin's arms.]

Heh...glad to hear it...Dol. [A small smirk appeared with the once-familiar nickname and he turned his head slightly to look at his boyfriend.]

[shounenphelps]

[The touch was nice, the smirk was better, but the name really put Shin over the edge; five years Sirius had said, right? Shin rocked back a bit and slid his forehead to meet Sirius's shoulder, to hide the tears.]

Yokatta. [He whispered it slowly in disbelief.] Hontou ni yokatta.*

[Shin had worried he'd done something wrong, or that he'd have to leave the house, strain his ties with Lily and James... He understood now how hard it would've been for Sirius if he'd said no to a relationship yet tried to stay friends. The relief that none of that need come to pass was immense. When Shin looked back up, he was certain that he still looked emotional, but he wanted to see that expression on Sirius's face again.]

There you are, anta.

[He'd never used that endearment on Sirius before; it kind of just slipped out and hasn't dawned on him yet why he'd use it now.]

[OOC: 'I'm glad. So very glad.' with undertones of relief and happiness that something is done and in the past.]

[marauderinggrim]

[His smirk turned into more of a smile and his other hand came up to brush at Shin's face in an attempt to soothe him.]

I'm afraid I didn't get to study any Japanese while I was gone. What's that word mean, 'anta'?