But see how deep the bullet lies [Open]

[boundbynaught]

Characters: boundbynaught/Caden, wayward_faith, and kingofsweets; also testosteroned and argent_crinis
Time: Monday May 23rd (forward-dated ever so slightly)
Style: Action, to keep the pace up
Status: Open

Sub-Threads
[ Morning: Camp Out At The Coral] for Ventus, Tsuzuki, etc. - starting just seconds before Rep returns
[ Afternoon: Gym Workout?] (Kanji?)
[ Evening: Street Wandering] for Zexion, etc.

Comments

[pursueyourself]

[ At first, Souji just stood there meticulously rearranging some extra towels in his bag, his face turned slightly away from the two. He could still see them from the corner of his eyes like that, which he felt was fine enough.

But as the conversation (or perhaps confrontation would be a better word here?) progressed, he slowly but surely dropped all pretenses of looking preoccupied and just watched. He watched as Kanji tried to reason with the young man using words that Souji could only guess that he sorely needed to hear. He knew well that sometimes, people needed to hear from other how their own actions made them feel, and to know that people cared enough about them to try. And after seeing Kanji do just that, he couldn't help but let his deliberately neutral expression change into a natural grin.

He sincerely hopes that Kanji's words would get through to young man. Or that it at least lets him start to understand a little more about why Kanji worries for him. And that it eventually leads him to come to terms with himself.

As his kouhai starts to walk toward him, Souji smiles and nods at him, before adding in a voice just quiet enough not to be easily overheard: ]

You were awesome there, Kanji.

[ There's no doubt in Souji's mind that he would always be proud of Kanji, the reliable kouhai who kicks ass both in fighting and in sewing. But at this moment, he couldn't help but feel especially proud. Right now, his mind is filled with thoughts of how much Kanji changed, how much they all changed over the last year as they fought tooth and nail for the absolute truth behind the case in Inaba, and this just put it all in perspective.

Perhaps it's the bookworm in him, but his mind quickly starts comparing the feeling to reading a long book series when everything falls into place, and anyone could be sure that the triumphant characters would lead long, fulfilling lives far beyond the end of the story. That sort of satisfaction, just multiplied.

Still smiling, he (on near tip-toe) raises an arm and ruffles Kanji's hair. ]

1/2

[boundbynaught]

[Rep's fists ball as Kanji keeps speaking, a rage starting to boil up inside him. His face just keeps lowering as Kanji walks away. So many conflicting thoughts race through his mind.]

What if he's right? No, he's wrong, that's all there is to it, but Ryoji- forget him, he got what he wanted, but that won't work for me. There's no way Riku would- Actually, he's changed a lot, and who knows- It doesn't matter! I'm always going to have parts inside me that aren't mine! That's why- That's why...

[He steps through a Corridor to stand right in front of Kanji, head still bowed. He's not thinking anymore. All of the pain and sadness and frustration is too much for him to hold in anymore.]

2/2

[boundbynaught]

[Ignoring Souji completely, Rep raises his head and pulls back his arm. He hauls off and punches Kanji in the face, crying out as he does so. When Kanji stumbles, Rep doesn't move. His shoulders heave as he gasps for the breath to tear into Kanji. ]

JUST SHUT UP! WHERE DO YOU GET OFF CALLING ME A LOSER?

WHO TOLD ME NOT TO LET PEOPLE CALL ME NAMES I DIDN'T LIKE? EVEN THOUGH I SAY CADEN, CADEN ALL THE TIME TO PEOPLE - DO YOU KNOW WHAT I STILL HEAR IN MY HEAD?

[He lowers his head again, barely holding on to coherent speech.]

RIKU. AND I HATE IT!

But it won't stop happening... Everyone calls out 'Caden' and I don't even answer right away! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? With one name I want but can't accept, and the other I can't throw away?

1/3

[testosteroned]

[ Kanji feels a swell of pride indeed; he grins and rubs his nose, and even blushes when Souji's words hit him - that was awesome? Hell yeah it was awesome! It felt good to give somebody a piece of his mind for once. As Souji ruffled his hair, he laughed and rubbed the back of his neck embarrassedly. ]

Q-Quit doin' that, will you? Jeez...

[ He fixes up his hair and moves to tackle Souji with a headlock, until of course Caden had to go in and ruin the moment. He didn't have any time to react as the Corridor appeared out of nowhere. Kanji only turned his head in surprise, and felt the pain in his jaw connect immediately. He took two steps back, glancing at Caden and back at Souji. ]

[testosteroned]

[ ....He hit him.

The little bastard hit him.

Kanji's head is filled with red, Caden's words barely registering. But he knows he's in pain - it's in his voice, in his eyes, in his very being. He knows what he has to do. Kanji wipes the side of his mouth, stance tensing and eyes focused. By now, Caden's rant was getting to him. That's why he's so frustrated and angry; he has yet to accept who he really is.

Yes. Kanji definitely knows what he has to do. Sometimes words aren't enough. Sometimes, you needed to take action. ]

...

[ Kanji takes a deep breath and glances towards Souji, cracking his knuckles with his hands as quietly as possible. ]

Hey, Senpai? Don't interrupt. Not until you really gotta, okay?

[ He's only going to aim a few at him. It wasn't going to turn out into a full brawl, and Kanji knows he can trust Souji with that boundary. ]

[testosteroned]

[ With that out of the way, Kanji looks ready to kill. He stares at Caden menacingly. ]

You finished yapping your trap off?

[ He doesn't even give him any time to answer. Kanji immediately lands a blow to Caden's cheek with his heavier hand, giving it power with the momentum from his shoulder down to the crook of his elbow. If it was any other normal person, they would have gotten knocked out already. But this guy was special - a shadow, some kind of magic supernatural thing...He could take it. ]

[ After the first blow, Kanji moves forward again and grabs him by the collar, hoisting the smaller boy up to eye level and growling at his face. ]

You really want an ass-whopping? Fine. Let's go, right here, right now!

[ Kanji throws Caden with force down to the ground, raising his fists up to his face.

Kanji suddenly remembers his other fights - the ones with Masamune - and inwardly groans. He can't seem to catch a break. He also inwardly hopes Caden won't use any special darkness moves on Kanji. He didn't want to use anything of his besides his fists because all he wants to do is knock some sense into this boy. Quite literally so. He's never met anybody this...stubborn.

Did Souji meet Kanji like this? Confrontational and angry all the time? ]

[boundbynaught]

[When Kanji stares him down, Rep glares right back. This is familiar. This he knows how to deal with. He doesn't have time or energy to snipe back with words - he focuses on the combat at hand, not even caring or thinking about what it might possibly mean for his relationship with these two guys.

Kanji hit hard, there was no mistake about that, and Rep reeled when he was struck, but he didn't even bat an eye when Kanji lifted him up. When he gets thrown down, he grunts a little.

Then Kanji pauses - and Rep exploits the opening. Kanji may have more power behind him, but Rep's fast.]

YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION!

[He pushes up on both hands, kicking up at Kanji's chin in arc. He lets the momentum carry him until he's upright again, and doesn't wait another second before aiming a kick high - meaning around Kanji's gut and chest. It would've sent a heartless flying, but not Kanji.

Rep can't control the purple, indigo, and black wisps emanating from his fists just now and eyes dark with pain.]

How do you change what you were created from?

[pursueyourself]

...I won't.

[ Souji certainly wouldn't have been happy if someone interrupted his fight with Yosuke. Same concept applies here, even if it's an entirely different situation. So he willingly steps back. For now. He's not exactly going to stay out of the way if they seriously injure each other, even if he has to throw himself into the fight to.

And now that he thinks about it, this whole situation feels rather similar to the team fighting someone's Shadow. The confrontation that always eventually leads to a battle... Of course it would lead to some deja vu.

For a moment, Souji starts to answer the young man's question, but quickly stops himself. Kanji told him not to interrupt unless it's really needed, and he'll hold himself to that. ]

[testosteroned]

[ Kanji took the hit in all of its full impact, but he stood strong and instead of fumbling backwards, he dug his heels into the ground instead. He moved a few spaces away from Caden, but he didn't look all that fazed. Kanji knew that he needed this - he needed to let it all out. ]

[ How do you change what you were created from? How do you become somebody else? Somebody ideal? Kanji shakes his head briefly, and assaults Caden just as quickly as he did to Kanji; he ran towards him and slammed his fist into his face, quite possible hurting his nose. Then, he aims another punch to his gut - an upwards strike, before kicking him in the stomach for good measure. ]

[ And just before Caden retaliates, Kanji finally speaks. ]

You don't. You accept it.

[ He prepares himself for another world of pain. Kid hits hard dammit. ]

[boundbynaught]

[ Rep takes the hits with little more than a groan, even with the punch to his face. He remains hunched over as Kanji goes for his gut, then grabs ahold of his arm with both hands. ]

I WON'T. [ He glared up from his bangs. ] I REFUSE TO BE--

[ A bright white dot flashed on his forehead, and Rep cried out as his knees buckled. His head bowed forward like he'd been dazed, then hung limp as a ragdoll. He fell onto his hands and knees without another word, but didn't collapse completely. ]

[testosteroned]

[ Kanji watches him fall and a look of concern briefly passes on his face. But he remains firm and as soon as Caden was silenced, Kanji knelt down and touched his shoulder. ]

You gotta accept who you are, because if you don't, you can't be the person you wanna be.

[ He grips Caden's shoulder for a moment before he stands up and watches him. ]

It's not easy, lemme tell you. Hell, I know it's damn hard. But you gotta do it if you wanna change. If you really wanna become "Caden".

[boundbynaught]

[ He shook his head furiously. ] No. No.

[ He started breathing heavily, then licked his lips before trying to speak again. ] Replica, shadow, fake, toy, creation, puppet-

That's what they made me to become. Just the body to hold a keyblade for them. To wield the darkness for them. To hurt Sora for them.

[ He shuddered a little in anger, frustration, and a host of other emotions. ] If they hadn't made- it would be better if they hadn't made me at all. Neither of them would've been hurt.

[testosteroned]

[ Kanji doesn't really get the core issue Caden has - heck he doesn't know who Sora is or who Riku is besides being his original - but he's not that dense not to get the surface. He grips his shoulder again and speaks in a firm tone. He's getting this kid through this, honest to god he will. ]

Hey. Quit that kind of talk.

[ Kanji tries to crane his head to look at him in the eyes. ]

Yeah? Replica, shadow, fake, toy, creation, puppet...all of that? It's still you. It's what you were born as, but dammit. That's not what you were born to be. That's your damn decision to make. You gotta accept who you are, because if you don't, you'll be a Shadow for the rest of your life.

[ He looks away, and images of the past flooded his mind. Facing himself, seeing how bad he was and how much trouble he was making because he didn't want to be rejected...Kanji shook his head and looked back at Caden on the floor. ]

The fact is, you may be some clone or whatever, but you got a mind of your own. A regular ol' puppet wouldn't want a life. But you do. That's sayin' something, y'know?

[boundbynaught]

[ The basic problem that Rep is suffering from, when it came to understanding Kanji's point, is that he had no real distinction between past, present, and especially future. He's been up and moving around for a little less than 2 months, not all of which he can remember. His 'past' is all a lie, handed down from Riku. His present is in such shambles he doesn't want to look at it head-on. And so he can't imagine a future for himself. ]

Be, are, what difference does it make? If I'm a shadow now, I'll always be a shadow - doesn't matter if I have a mind. So do the Nobodies. Only difference is I have a heart and even that's not mine to begin with.

[ He tries to curl in on himself tighter, as if that will help in any way, but it does make something snap in him. His spine that Lea had noticed on that first day was always more prominent when he was angry, and he was starting to swing back to that emotion. ]

I don't want a life anyway - I want my life. One where I don't have to explain myself every time I walk up to someone and the first words out of my mouth are 'I'm not Riku.'

[testosteroned]

...Idiot.

[ Kanji sighs and turns away from him. This kid thought he had such a huge problem, but at the same time, the answer was right there in front of him too. He needed to realize that. ]

You want your own life, but you're not gonna get that by pickin' fights and tryin' to die. Like I said, when you die, you die. You don't get a goddamn second chance. You don't lose who you are, you just - you lose everythin' else.

[ He looks at his hands and smirks. ]

You're a strong kid, you know that? But if you don't use that power to change what you can, and get it together, then you'll never get what you want. If you're so stuck on bein' a Shadow and somebody else's copy, then fuck. That's all you'll ever be. Unless you do somethin' about it and work with what you got. Y'know, like...like clay. Clay's just mud and water when you think 'bout it, but if you're really good and you really wanna make somethin' out of it, clay can become reaaal pretty. It can be a vase, or or a doll. Somethin' worth lookin' at. [ Kanji glances back at him, but this time he's smiling. ]

Well, whatever. I ain't gonna call you a clone, or a replica or a Shadow or some stupid name like that. You're Caden to me.

[boundbynaught]

[His eyes widened a little as he slowly replies] I'm... Caden to... [He stops, turning that idea over in his head.] I'm Caden?

[Kanji is hardly the first person to call him by the name, but it's never the first or second or tenth time that matters with this replica. It's the time he actually listens that matters most. The fact that Kanji believes he can change is what does it for him. He still can't completely own the name, but for now at least it's dawned on him he might some day be able to. And on that day he'd have a rematch with Riku.]

So I... shouldn't fight anymore? Ever? [He looks a little lost.] Then what else could I do? What would Caden do differently from the me right now, if not fight and get stronger?