(no subject)
Secret Plans of the New Presidential Administration
(Not by me. Flagrantly stolen, but still funny.)
-Eagle on presidential seal replaced by Tofurky™ brand meat substitute
-New rule: anyone who beats the President in Jenga takes responsibility for Iraq
-Use his newfound influence to get the gig he really wants: panelist on The Best Damn Sports Show Period
-Quietly remove Dick Cheney’s tarrasque from the basement of the VP Mansion
-Now that things have slowed down, finally get around to returning that broken tv to Circuit Cit… oh.
-Relax import restrictions to allow Cuba to send us some of their smokin’ hot Latina babes
-Spend $14 million on a graphic designer who will update the flag by making the stars a slightly more modern shade of white
-Lob a couple of missiles into Romania, just to let the vampires know we’re paying attention
-Free health insurance for any American who promises to never, ever get sick
-All scissors to be replaced with the less dangerous rounded-tip kind
-Look into buying that America-shaped island in Dubai, just in case
(Not by me. Flagrantly stolen, but still funny.)
-Eagle on presidential seal replaced by Tofurky™ brand meat substitute
-New rule: anyone who beats the President in Jenga takes responsibility for Iraq
-Use his newfound influence to get the gig he really wants: panelist on The Best Damn Sports Show Period
-Quietly remove Dick Cheney’s tarrasque from the basement of the VP Mansion
-Now that things have slowed down, finally get around to returning that broken tv to Circuit Cit… oh.
-Relax import restrictions to allow Cuba to send us some of their smokin’ hot Latina babes
-Spend $14 million on a graphic designer who will update the flag by making the stars a slightly more modern shade of white
-Lob a couple of missiles into Romania, just to let the vampires know we’re paying attention
-Free health insurance for any American who promises to never, ever get sick
-All scissors to be replaced with the less dangerous rounded-tip kind
-Look into buying that America-shaped island in Dubai, just in case