The healing hand held back by the deepened nail...

[vasudeva_dasa]

Yesterday I have been lied to and cheated like never before. I never knew people could be this bad. Well, of course I knew they could, but I never experienced it myself. I was in shock all night how people can lie without the blinking of the eye

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[myownyoko]

speaking of dreams , i had some frightening images last night. i woke up several times believing our house was being broken into. my sleep was so heavy it would over take me even though i felt the intruders were near my bedroom door. in an entirely different scenario something seemed to be alive in my breakfast cereal, in a flash i smashed it violently only to discover it was my kitten. i stood there holding my dying kitten with rice crispies falling to the counter while it shook and trembled.

both dreams were essentially about not being able to protect things i love. the one about the kitten was actually about harming things i love. yet this morning i awake full of intention and happiness. i believe dreaming is a place we can safely wrestle with our darker instincts and weaknesses. and also a place of mystery and light.

i am frightened about how much these boys relate to me as their father. in some ways i no longer feel i can truly act in my own interest anymore. the youngest truly believes i am his father. love is a frightening thing the way it asks you to let go of yourself....i guess i should have made an entry huh?

love you
i ii iii