[FIC] Congratulations, It's a Boy! [The Wilsons]
Title: Congratulations, It's a Boy!
Series: The Mixed-Up Life of Jimmy/Wade Wilson Jr. aka The Wilsons
Fandom: X-Men
Rating: PG-13 (general rating for all fics in series)
Pairing: Logan/Wade Wilson
Characters: Wade Wilson, Logan, Original Character
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, I'm just having fun in my free time.
Summary: Wade Wilson, aka Deadpool, gets a tip-off on some super secret lab, but he's surprised by what he finds. Thankfully, he didn't actually have to suffer through a pregnancy for this one. (This isn't Smallville, after all.)
Word Count: 709
Series of fics. See the Master Post for other fics in this series and more information. May be read in publication order or chronological order.
Also on AO3 (presented as one fic with multiple "chapters," in publication order)
The celebrated assassin stalked the hallways, searching for something that he knew little about. Whatever these halls held, it could be anything. He didn't know this place existed until just the week before, when a mysterious, husky-voiced stranger called.
“They’re experimenting,” the mysterious, husky-voiced stranger said over the crackling phone.
“I don’t take threats lightly,” the exceedingly handsome mercenary said, towel clutched around his dripping groin, fresh from the shower. He swept a hand to brush his wet gorgeous locks out of his eyes.
“This isn’t a threat. This is a tip-off. If you don’t listen, well… I won’t be held responsible for what happens.”
And so here he was, suited up, armed, dangerous. Prepared to do whatever it took to-
“Oh, shut up, will you?” Deadpool pointed his gun at the sirens and fired off several rounds. More sirens sounded throughout the rest of the complex. “I hate having my narration interrupted.” He twirled the gun and continued on his way, singing now, using the sirens as the base of his melody.
“Make my heart go boom, boom!” he sang, shooting down two guards. “Whoops! I did it again.” There went a scientist. Deadpool pirouetted into the main research hall, bullets spraying outward. When he came to rest, he took a bow. When no one applauded, he looked up and around and saw only corpses.
He sighed. “I should really stop having such good aim,” he said.
The bullets had cut through the computers, cables, people, and human-sized test tubes that leaked a mildly viscous liquid. Papers, folders, and files were strewn across the desks and floors, many covered in debris and blood.
“Well, isn’t that just great? You’d think they could afford to hire a janitor or something. How can they work like this?”
He picked his way through the lab, glancing at this paper or that or shooting another bullet into a fritzing computer. His own name, his real name, listed on one red, sticky sheet caught his eye .
“Blah, blah, Wade Wilson, blah, blah, cancerous cells, yeah, whatever. Tell me something I don’t know.” He reached the bottom of the page. “’The DNA of subject X-1, aka Wolverine, herein listed as X-1, appears to effectively counter the effects…’ Now we’re talking.”
Deadpool searched for more details on this experimental project the sheet mentioned, and he found only snippets and vague references. Some kind of cloning thing, unspecific.
That was when he found it. There was one broken tube, leaking slowly, and in it, near the bottom, was a baby hooked up to dying machines. Underneath it, a plaque read:
Experiment 14
Healing Factor
(Toast)
“Aww, what a cutie!” Deadpool reached in, unhooked the baby, and within seconds of it reaching the air, it started screaming.
Logan crushed his fifth can of beer and tossed it in the corner with the others. It was going to be a long night. The X-Men had him on call, which meant if he went to the bar, Scott would get up his ass so hard, Logan would have to do something drastic like kill him to shut him up.
The phone rang. Great. Logan answered. “Yeah?”
“I skipped a month.”
Logan’s stomach dropped. Who? How? Rule Number One, Rule Number One! And then his brain processed the voice, and he growled, “What do you want, Wilson?”
“Remember that thing we had a few months ago? The bar, the alley, the ten inch spike?”
Of course Logan remembered. He sometimes still got off on it, remembering, but he wasn’t about to tell Wilson that. “What about it?”
“Looks like someone got it into their heads to make a clone baby of us. So, congratulations, you’re a daddy now! And I expect you to pay child support, since you‘re the one who did this to me.”
The last thing Logan thought before he hit the floor was he’d have to revise Rule Number One.
One month later, Logan, Wade Wilson, and a month old baby moved in together. Three months after that, Logan and Wade started sharing a room. When any of the X-Men called the house, and Wade answered, they quickly learned not to comment, as Logan made them pay for each new telephone out of their own pocket
Series: The Mixed-Up Life of Jimmy/Wade Wilson Jr. aka The Wilsons
Fandom: X-Men
Rating: PG-13 (general rating for all fics in series)
Pairing: Logan/Wade Wilson
Characters: Wade Wilson, Logan, Original Character
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, I'm just having fun in my free time.
Summary: Wade Wilson, aka Deadpool, gets a tip-off on some super secret lab, but he's surprised by what he finds. Thankfully, he didn't actually have to suffer through a pregnancy for this one. (This isn't Smallville, after all.)
Word Count: 709
Series of fics. See the Master Post for other fics in this series and more information. May be read in publication order or chronological order.
Also on AO3 (presented as one fic with multiple "chapters," in publication order)
The celebrated assassin stalked the hallways, searching for something that he knew little about. Whatever these halls held, it could be anything. He didn't know this place existed until just the week before, when a mysterious, husky-voiced stranger called.
“They’re experimenting,” the mysterious, husky-voiced stranger said over the crackling phone.
“I don’t take threats lightly,” the exceedingly handsome mercenary said, towel clutched around his dripping groin, fresh from the shower. He swept a hand to brush his wet gorgeous locks out of his eyes.
“This isn’t a threat. This is a tip-off. If you don’t listen, well… I won’t be held responsible for what happens.”
And so here he was, suited up, armed, dangerous. Prepared to do whatever it took to-
“Oh, shut up, will you?” Deadpool pointed his gun at the sirens and fired off several rounds. More sirens sounded throughout the rest of the complex. “I hate having my narration interrupted.” He twirled the gun and continued on his way, singing now, using the sirens as the base of his melody.
“Make my heart go boom, boom!” he sang, shooting down two guards. “Whoops! I did it again.” There went a scientist. Deadpool pirouetted into the main research hall, bullets spraying outward. When he came to rest, he took a bow. When no one applauded, he looked up and around and saw only corpses.
He sighed. “I should really stop having such good aim,” he said.
The bullets had cut through the computers, cables, people, and human-sized test tubes that leaked a mildly viscous liquid. Papers, folders, and files were strewn across the desks and floors, many covered in debris and blood.
“Well, isn’t that just great? You’d think they could afford to hire a janitor or something. How can they work like this?”
He picked his way through the lab, glancing at this paper or that or shooting another bullet into a fritzing computer. His own name, his real name, listed on one red, sticky sheet caught his eye .
“Blah, blah, Wade Wilson, blah, blah, cancerous cells, yeah, whatever. Tell me something I don’t know.” He reached the bottom of the page. “’The DNA of subject X-1, aka Wolverine, herein listed as X-1, appears to effectively counter the effects…’ Now we’re talking.”
Deadpool searched for more details on this experimental project the sheet mentioned, and he found only snippets and vague references. Some kind of cloning thing, unspecific.
That was when he found it. There was one broken tube, leaking slowly, and in it, near the bottom, was a baby hooked up to dying machines. Underneath it, a plaque read:
Experiment 14
Healing Factor
(Toast)
“Aww, what a cutie!” Deadpool reached in, unhooked the baby, and within seconds of it reaching the air, it started screaming.
Logan crushed his fifth can of beer and tossed it in the corner with the others. It was going to be a long night. The X-Men had him on call, which meant if he went to the bar, Scott would get up his ass so hard, Logan would have to do something drastic like kill him to shut him up.
The phone rang. Great. Logan answered. “Yeah?”
“I skipped a month.”
Logan’s stomach dropped. Who? How? Rule Number One, Rule Number One! And then his brain processed the voice, and he growled, “What do you want, Wilson?”
“Remember that thing we had a few months ago? The bar, the alley, the ten inch spike?”
Of course Logan remembered. He sometimes still got off on it, remembering, but he wasn’t about to tell Wilson that. “What about it?”
“Looks like someone got it into their heads to make a clone baby of us. So, congratulations, you’re a daddy now! And I expect you to pay child support, since you‘re the one who did this to me.”
The last thing Logan thought before he hit the floor was he’d have to revise Rule Number One.
One month later, Logan, Wade Wilson, and a month old baby moved in together. Three months after that, Logan and Wade started sharing a room. When any of the X-Men called the house, and Wade answered, they quickly learned not to comment, as Logan made them pay for each new telephone out of their own pocket