(no subject)
Okay, GhostlyMishaps wants me to post. It has been a month or so. Probably time for a little update. Not much new is happening in life. I have a tai chi test tomorrow night. Still writing for PressednBound.net. Still watching all my friends get married off. Been doing that for a few years now.
Let's talk about that for a moment. One of the big themes of our culture in the US, at least as I have observed it, is the drive to get married. A common assumption is that when an unmarried individual, usually but not always a woman, observes people around her/him getting married s/he will want to get married as well. Personally, I just don't feel it. I've been watching my friends get married at a rate of 2-3 per year for three or four years now, but my marital impulse remains basically unchanged. It's not that I look down on marriage in general. I just don't see the point outside of a few very specific situations.
Now, marriage is a lovely thing that can be very meaningful for the two people involved. It's a bond/promise/etc. That's all very nice. Practically, though, I see it's greatest use as a child-rearing tool. The government really shouldn't have any involvement in its definition or encouragement. Religious institutions have a greater stake here, though, because they are typically integral to how humans interact with children and other loved ones. (This is not a post about gay marriage, polygamy, or any other hot button issue. Here, I'm talking about adult relationships without touching on numbers, genders, fertility, wealth, or other factors I see as basically nonessential.)
The simple truth is that I don't want children. At least, not right now. I don't participate in any specific religious institution, so that obligation doesn't weigh on me. When I was in India, an old man asked me when I would be married and have children. He was surprised that a man of my age, 24 at the time, might not be engaged. I said I had no plans. He said, "But without children, you can have... no life." Argument seemed unwise for several reasons, including our language barrier. His statement isn't reflective of everyone who wants children, but it's an example of a position I just don't share.
When I'm asked if I will get married, usually the questioner looks at Dear Reader. She has an even greater aversion to marriage than I do. Given what marriage has meant in the past for women, I can hardly blame her. What strikes me as unlikely is the idea that marriage would somehow make us a better couple, somehow more together. I actually like the fact that we lack marriage as a social force in our relationship. If one or the other of us splits, there won't be any stigma of causing a divorce, being a divorce(e). The option to leave our little arrangement ultimately makes the staying more special, I think.
That all being said, I have enjoyed watching most of my friends getting married. The ceremonies are very meaningful to them, and they declare beautiful things to each other. I know that there isn't some magical power keeping married couples together. They make the daily choice to stay together, just like we do. They have their way, and I have mine. I respect the decision, even if I don't intend to follow it myself.
I suppose all of this is really just to say, "No, Mom. I don't plan on getting married anytime soon. Please stop asking for grandbabies."
your people built it, you should ride for free
Let's talk about that for a moment. One of the big themes of our culture in the US, at least as I have observed it, is the drive to get married. A common assumption is that when an unmarried individual, usually but not always a woman, observes people around her/him getting married s/he will want to get married as well. Personally, I just don't feel it. I've been watching my friends get married at a rate of 2-3 per year for three or four years now, but my marital impulse remains basically unchanged. It's not that I look down on marriage in general. I just don't see the point outside of a few very specific situations.
Now, marriage is a lovely thing that can be very meaningful for the two people involved. It's a bond/promise/etc. That's all very nice. Practically, though, I see it's greatest use as a child-rearing tool. The government really shouldn't have any involvement in its definition or encouragement. Religious institutions have a greater stake here, though, because they are typically integral to how humans interact with children and other loved ones. (This is not a post about gay marriage, polygamy, or any other hot button issue. Here, I'm talking about adult relationships without touching on numbers, genders, fertility, wealth, or other factors I see as basically nonessential.)
The simple truth is that I don't want children. At least, not right now. I don't participate in any specific religious institution, so that obligation doesn't weigh on me. When I was in India, an old man asked me when I would be married and have children. He was surprised that a man of my age, 24 at the time, might not be engaged. I said I had no plans. He said, "But without children, you can have... no life." Argument seemed unwise for several reasons, including our language barrier. His statement isn't reflective of everyone who wants children, but it's an example of a position I just don't share.
When I'm asked if I will get married, usually the questioner looks at Dear Reader. She has an even greater aversion to marriage than I do. Given what marriage has meant in the past for women, I can hardly blame her. What strikes me as unlikely is the idea that marriage would somehow make us a better couple, somehow more together. I actually like the fact that we lack marriage as a social force in our relationship. If one or the other of us splits, there won't be any stigma of causing a divorce, being a divorce(e). The option to leave our little arrangement ultimately makes the staying more special, I think.
That all being said, I have enjoyed watching most of my friends getting married. The ceremonies are very meaningful to them, and they declare beautiful things to each other. I know that there isn't some magical power keeping married couples together. They make the daily choice to stay together, just like we do. They have their way, and I have mine. I respect the decision, even if I don't intend to follow it myself.
I suppose all of this is really just to say, "No, Mom. I don't plan on getting married anytime soon. Please stop asking for grandbabies."
your people built it, you should ride for free