(no subject)
I feel like this pregnancy is giving me some kind of material that I was lacking.
If before I was either emotional or apathetic, either tense and neurotic or tired and unimpressed by the world - now I'm finally balanced.
I was actually worried the pregnancy would only make my mood swings worse, but I'm so calm. There are few things that otherwise would have either stretch my nerves like musical instrument strings, or would make me turn my back altogether to some things, and now they are merely bothersome. It's as if I keep my gaze up to some beautiful horizon, hardly looking down to avoid stepping in a puddle.
Looking back, I realize right before getting pregnant I've finished my own "rebirth" process. A "pregnancy" that started a little bit after the death of my grandmother, and lasted 9 months. Once I've finished my own "death and rebirth pregnancy" my body and mind were prepared to create life beyond my own.
Sometimes I wake up and feel like a force of nature. As if there is light shining from the tips of my fingers, and my veins spread beneath my skin like lightening across the skies. As if my thirst is like roots seeking moisture from the ground. My over developed sense of smell also gave me an interesting discovery - my own body scent (which I was never aware of), that smells like a sea by a rocky shore.