Going downhill for a Late Bloomer
I still stand by what I wrote here which feels like a lifetime ago. Where did it all go wrong? Where did time go to be exact?
Those people who left reviews on whether I'd ever finish a story (when it clearly says "the end" ¬_¬) or if I'll ever get back into writing fanfiction again...I really REALLY don't see that happening. How long has it been? Almost 11 years right? NGL I miss writing fics and doing little else
Do I honestly see myself writing fanfiction again? Do I see myself embracing my hugely influential muse that was Kino Makoto/Sailorjupiter and giving her crossover adventures? She's helped me through thick and thin, through light and dark. Somehow when I finished my university studies, I just lost interest. I thought oh since I finished uni I might spend more time on fanfiction. But clearly I was done. I seemed to use the fanfiction during my university years as an excuse to keep myself productive and creative. It was poor judgement and foolish on my part. Plus those fandom wars were aggressive. Then there is Jrock and Kpop let's not get into that
After quitting fanfiction eventually this was when I switched to non-fiction writing...or as that BananaWriters literary editor described one of my submissions non-fiction narrative. Although what I sent in was a first draft of a second person POV story and I'm going to amend it anyway. It has been a really long time since I wrote any serious fiction pieces. My so-called craft has been left untouched for years.
I suppose with non-fiction I could splash all the shit from my head without having to create characters or use fictional figures to fulfill random dreams. I just wrote how I felt about a fandom moment. And you know what, I never thought I'd see myself writing for a Hallyu blog. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back to this which leads me onto the next thing...
I can't go back to fanfiction because I am not active or keeping up with cult tv/film fandoms at all. I can't watch and enjoy something that now makes my blood boil when it comes to stereotypes. Yes I am referring to my growing cultural sensitivity note I did not say insensitivity. It's gotten personal over the years.
Back then I didn't really give much care and just wrote whatever came to mind. It's only when I got 'older' and there was a switch in society did I develop further anxiety. Kino Makoto was my channel to fulfill the wishful thinking but perhaps as I've sort of gotten back into fiction writing after reading PP Wong's The Life Of A Banana that I create my own character, albeit avoid a Mary Sue development. OTOH my heroine may be an angsty Sue who fucks up.
In a nutshell, I'm being more wary about my ethnicity. I want to write about that. I want to express the flaws and little strengths on my ethnic identity which is barely touched in the small community. I can't really do that in fanfiction and in some way I can't do that openly if I write for blogs that cater to non-Asian Westerners.
I really do have a thing for small communities don't I? It's scary. Kino Makoto is liked but she's not mega popular like the other Sailor Senshi. Wu Yifan is popular but he is hardly on the same level as Luhan, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Sehun etc. It's as though Yifan and Mako are generally liked among the fans (before the betrayal accusations in Duizhang's lawsuit case) though some may not understand their appeal. Some dismiss WYF as being good looking and tall and that's it. Yes he's not a dancing machine like Kai, not on the same pace as Tao in super BAMF Mando rapping, nor is he a super vocalist like Baekhyun, Chen, Luhan and D.O. but he still sounds great when he sings his heart out and has an aura that goes on the surreal level when you see him in person. Mako is liked for her cooking, her curves and protectively fierce yet vulnerable personality. The last aspect is often covered up by the boy-crazy and generally reckless nature.
Being a Meigeni and Mako fan are both equally hard work. That's something I've definitely noticed over the years. So as it stands right now in this day and age...I'm aiming to write short story fiction as a British Born Chinese and apparently not go too personal which is what that literary editor assumed I was doing. Where do I go with the Hallyu blog I contribute to? I don't know. I'm on leave. I should however update my own Asian Noonas blog and BBC rant blog if I want to be creative.
I thought I'd file for another divorce from K-music but then Bangtan Sonyeondan happened. Damn. Even the pull of the dead OT12 still holds my heart. I'll try to keep up with WYF's solo activities though.
Those people who left reviews on whether I'd ever finish a story (when it clearly says "the end" ¬_¬) or if I'll ever get back into writing fanfiction again...I really REALLY don't see that happening. How long has it been? Almost 11 years right? NGL I miss writing fics and doing little else
Do I honestly see myself writing fanfiction again? Do I see myself embracing my hugely influential muse that was Kino Makoto/Sailorjupiter and giving her crossover adventures? She's helped me through thick and thin, through light and dark. Somehow when I finished my university studies, I just lost interest. I thought oh since I finished uni I might spend more time on fanfiction. But clearly I was done. I seemed to use the fanfiction during my university years as an excuse to keep myself productive and creative. It was poor judgement and foolish on my part. Plus those fandom wars were aggressive. Then there is Jrock and Kpop let's not get into that
After quitting fanfiction eventually this was when I switched to non-fiction writing...or as that BananaWriters literary editor described one of my submissions non-fiction narrative. Although what I sent in was a first draft of a second person POV story and I'm going to amend it anyway. It has been a really long time since I wrote any serious fiction pieces. My so-called craft has been left untouched for years.
I suppose with non-fiction I could splash all the shit from my head without having to create characters or use fictional figures to fulfill random dreams. I just wrote how I felt about a fandom moment. And you know what, I never thought I'd see myself writing for a Hallyu blog. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back to this which leads me onto the next thing...
I can't go back to fanfiction because I am not active or keeping up with cult tv/film fandoms at all. I can't watch and enjoy something that now makes my blood boil when it comes to stereotypes. Yes I am referring to my growing cultural sensitivity note I did not say insensitivity. It's gotten personal over the years.
Back then I didn't really give much care and just wrote whatever came to mind. It's only when I got 'older' and there was a switch in society did I develop further anxiety. Kino Makoto was my channel to fulfill the wishful thinking but perhaps as I've sort of gotten back into fiction writing after reading PP Wong's The Life Of A Banana that I create my own character, albeit avoid a Mary Sue development. OTOH my heroine may be an angsty Sue who fucks up.
In a nutshell, I'm being more wary about my ethnicity. I want to write about that. I want to express the flaws and little strengths on my ethnic identity which is barely touched in the small community. I can't really do that in fanfiction and in some way I can't do that openly if I write for blogs that cater to non-Asian Westerners.
I really do have a thing for small communities don't I? It's scary. Kino Makoto is liked but she's not mega popular like the other Sailor Senshi. Wu Yifan is popular but he is hardly on the same level as Luhan, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Sehun etc. It's as though Yifan and Mako are generally liked among the fans (before the betrayal accusations in Duizhang's lawsuit case) though some may not understand their appeal. Some dismiss WYF as being good looking and tall and that's it. Yes he's not a dancing machine like Kai, not on the same pace as Tao in super BAMF Mando rapping, nor is he a super vocalist like Baekhyun, Chen, Luhan and D.O. but he still sounds great when he sings his heart out and has an aura that goes on the surreal level when you see him in person. Mako is liked for her cooking, her curves and protectively fierce yet vulnerable personality. The last aspect is often covered up by the boy-crazy and generally reckless nature.
Being a Meigeni and Mako fan are both equally hard work. That's something I've definitely noticed over the years. So as it stands right now in this day and age...I'm aiming to write short story fiction as a British Born Chinese and apparently not go too personal which is what that literary editor assumed I was doing. Where do I go with the Hallyu blog I contribute to? I don't know. I'm on leave. I should however update my own Asian Noonas blog and BBC rant blog if I want to be creative.
I thought I'd file for another divorce from K-music but then Bangtan Sonyeondan happened. Damn. Even the pull of the dead OT12 still holds my heart. I'll try to keep up with WYF's solo activities though.