...again
I'm starting to wonder if I I share Hamlet's major character flaw. One day, maybe one week, I can feel that I can do all the things I have planned. Then the next is spent doubting that I really can, that maybe I should give it up.
I must warn you, before reading further, that you must read with an open mind. 'Cause, if you don't you may just stop reading and think worse of me before understanding. Okay, press on.
I have a very unique, powerful, even brilliant mind. And some of the drawbacks of this otherwise wonderful gift is that I have mentally and emotionally matured rather fast. I also have an extremely hard time forgetting certain very "special" details. This has put me in an awkward position socially and in some cases, relationships. As I have mentioned, I seem to be somewhat indecisive in many things and this is caused by the almost nonstop, "This way is right because of this, this, and this..." and, "But this is right because of this, this, and this..." and etc.
So on to the main point. What I have built to fairly shortly is that I have no idea how I will ever "move on." I find the concept to be quite staggering, in that no matter which way I try to break it all down in my mind, I will never be able to move on to another. My mind is stuck and I have never known myself to let go of certain attachments that I find myself longing for. I've focused on them and in one way or another I usually attain them.
But this time I am afraid of what will happen to me. I know that this time there is the possibility I may never reach my goal. And I don't know what it will do to me. I think the end for me is close. It may be the black hole inside me that takes me first or my mind will collapse. And I want neither. I'm afraid to post this, afraid of the consequences it may bring, but I will. God help me.
I must warn you, before reading further, that you must read with an open mind. 'Cause, if you don't you may just stop reading and think worse of me before understanding. Okay, press on.
I have a very unique, powerful, even brilliant mind. And some of the drawbacks of this otherwise wonderful gift is that I have mentally and emotionally matured rather fast. I also have an extremely hard time forgetting certain very "special" details. This has put me in an awkward position socially and in some cases, relationships. As I have mentioned, I seem to be somewhat indecisive in many things and this is caused by the almost nonstop, "This way is right because of this, this, and this..." and, "But this is right because of this, this, and this..." and etc.
So on to the main point. What I have built to fairly shortly is that I have no idea how I will ever "move on." I find the concept to be quite staggering, in that no matter which way I try to break it all down in my mind, I will never be able to move on to another. My mind is stuck and I have never known myself to let go of certain attachments that I find myself longing for. I've focused on them and in one way or another I usually attain them.
But this time I am afraid of what will happen to me. I know that this time there is the possibility I may never reach my goal. And I don't know what it will do to me. I think the end for me is close. It may be the black hole inside me that takes me first or my mind will collapse. And I want neither. I'm afraid to post this, afraid of the consequences it may bring, but I will. God help me.