Was I brought here to suffer?
Soemtimes I feel like that is so. Yet still I know that my parents never wanted that for me. Unfortunately that's how things are turning out. My life fuckin sucks.. Don't mean to bitch about the obvious, but i'm basically losing faith. I'm under so much stress that it sometimes feels like an anvil is pressing against my chest.
My dad is still in jail ;_;... I'm still unaware of the trail date. I hate the fuckin government. And the fuckin slow system that this fuckin country runs under. Bush is an idiot, but i'm not going into politics, I just felt like saying that lol.
I'm about to lose my house, my mom is trying to delay the process, but we've been put up foreclosure yet again, this time the bullet can't be dodged. My mom knows it, and so do I, I think she needs like 3 or 4 grand, way over our heads right now..
I'm working a security job making only $10 an hour right now, which I just started and that can't save us even with putting 100% of my paycheck to bills (what a way to live ^^), my brother I can stamp a "Laziest person alive" award to, because he hasn't done a god fucking damned thing since this whole mess happened, no matter how much I tell him to get off his ass and get a job, he just doesn't contribute, he makes up some bullshit, where my mom lets it fly! He hasn't contributed a dime, he has it in his head that he has to get his GED so that he can go up to Saint Lucy County to where his friend Ron moved to so he can get a telemarketing job there. He has no ambition the way I see it, he doesn't even try to look anywhere. He just figures he'll get this really good job fed to him the easy way and he'll make a ton of money like Ron has claimed to have. It's not that easy >_>
So i'm working my ass off everyday now, and i'm still going to lose my house. Fucked up aint it? I can't even believe I can say this and this is so wrong still... But I really hate being alive... Isn't that such a horrible thought? Shouldn't one love being alive the next day, to be able to enjoy how you go about your day. Enjoy life for it's rewards the little and the big? It pains me to say it but I hate being here.. My life just turned out like one of those unlucky slave-oriented/destined type. I don't think I mean that just because of the way my life is right now... When I think of it, i've never really been a happy person, my parents are really the only ones who have truely loved me, I got to take part if that love emotion for about a year, but i've seen what that leads to. I've been out of shape since I was 13, and living like that is tough, and very lonely. Even though I work out and have lost a lot of weight, I wouldn't call myself sexy..
I don't know what i'm going to do, where i'm going to be, or what will happen to me and whats left of my family, i'll try to keep
updating..
Ugh.. I feel like Akon XD, i'm gonna go sing a song.
o/~ So lonely, so lonely, Mr. Lonely, I have no~body of my own o/~
My dad is still in jail ;_;... I'm still unaware of the trail date. I hate the fuckin government. And the fuckin slow system that this fuckin country runs under. Bush is an idiot, but i'm not going into politics, I just felt like saying that lol.
I'm about to lose my house, my mom is trying to delay the process, but we've been put up foreclosure yet again, this time the bullet can't be dodged. My mom knows it, and so do I, I think she needs like 3 or 4 grand, way over our heads right now..
I'm working a security job making only $10 an hour right now, which I just started and that can't save us even with putting 100% of my paycheck to bills (what a way to live ^^), my brother I can stamp a "Laziest person alive" award to, because he hasn't done a god fucking damned thing since this whole mess happened, no matter how much I tell him to get off his ass and get a job, he just doesn't contribute, he makes up some bullshit, where my mom lets it fly! He hasn't contributed a dime, he has it in his head that he has to get his GED so that he can go up to Saint Lucy County to where his friend Ron moved to so he can get a telemarketing job there. He has no ambition the way I see it, he doesn't even try to look anywhere. He just figures he'll get this really good job fed to him the easy way and he'll make a ton of money like Ron has claimed to have. It's not that easy >_>
So i'm working my ass off everyday now, and i'm still going to lose my house. Fucked up aint it? I can't even believe I can say this and this is so wrong still... But I really hate being alive... Isn't that such a horrible thought? Shouldn't one love being alive the next day, to be able to enjoy how you go about your day. Enjoy life for it's rewards the little and the big? It pains me to say it but I hate being here.. My life just turned out like one of those unlucky slave-oriented/destined type. I don't think I mean that just because of the way my life is right now... When I think of it, i've never really been a happy person, my parents are really the only ones who have truely loved me, I got to take part if that love emotion for about a year, but i've seen what that leads to. I've been out of shape since I was 13, and living like that is tough, and very lonely. Even though I work out and have lost a lot of weight, I wouldn't call myself sexy..
I don't know what i'm going to do, where i'm going to be, or what will happen to me and whats left of my family, i'll try to keep
updating..
Ugh.. I feel like Akon XD, i'm gonna go sing a song.
o/~ So lonely, so lonely, Mr. Lonely, I have no~body of my own o/~