...fine...
This is the end of one journey and the beginning of another. I have spent the last 10 and a one half months here in Iraq. I find myself sad that i am leaving. This has been a time of rediscovery and joyfulness that I thought long since lost. The happiness that comes from performing music is sometimes outweighed by the mundane regiment that comes from being home.
Yesterday I spoke with some friends and I shared with them something that as told to me many years ago; "sometimes you have gigs that make all the bad things go away for just a few minutes..." . My co-worker told me this because it the rationale by which some military musicians are forced to live by to give them happiness. I have had moments like that. My last one was in November when I was performing with Jazz Combo and we were playing Wayne Shorter's Black Orpheus as a swing. For a few minutes all the bad stuff just seemed to fade away and all that was left was the joy of playing and the expressions on people's faces in the audience. That joy and that happiness is what makes so much of what we do bearable. I think that is what my place has been during this deployment. Truly entertaining those who want to be entertained.
Sometimes in the busy schedule of soldiering we might not have time to sit and listen to music or watch a performance. Sometimes that is not necessary. It's the subtle reactions such as taping your foot, moving to the beat or just looking at the band with a little bit of interest can make it all worth the while for those performing. I guess I just get discouraged at the fact that people don't stop to listen but I guess I understand why. Took me a few months to realize that but oh well. It's still hard to keep that in the front of your mind when you play 100 crappy gigs where people are rude and uninterested and then have 2 that are just amazing and it is a moment of bliss...
Now that this is over we move beyond to the next step. Home. I think about my home, car, friends, and even work in the US. It seems like a distant, past forgotten memory of another life. What I have learned and what I have experienced in the last year will change what life I have left and hopefully help me build a new one. Perhaps not. I know for a fact that overall my personality is "darker" than before and more concerned with life and death issues than before.
Alas, this is not the place for such self-examination. This is the place where I close the last chapter of my Iraq story. I hope someone read and learned something about Iraq, the people, and what goes on in the life of a simple Army Bandsman as I have learned from so many others. Sometimes it is good to talk about things but sometimes there is nothing left to talk about.
fine~