(no subject)
I haven't journaled in a long time because I sometimes feel my life isn't as interesting as it was ten years ago. Traveling the world. Playing music in big stadiums. Deploying to Iraq. Traveling to Africa and just meeting so many different people and having new experiences.
Life is somewhat sedentary now, which isn't a bad thing. I just sometimes feel as if I'm existing and doing work in my community and with my family but it's on a smaller scale than what I was used too. The other side of that is, I never really had any plans for my life after I joined the Army. I just figured I'd join, and do 20 or 30 years and retire but when I decided to leave, I never really put thoughts into what was next.
My mind goes back to Iraq daily. I remember it like it was yesterday and I can play back moments in my mind. My body reacts and feels them as if they were real again. I remember how I felt at times being content with the experience. Sometimes I replay moments like the first time I pointed my weapon at someone on a convoy and it hurts me. It makes me wonder how I did it, and why they made us do it. How they conditioned us to accept that as normalcy... that pointing your machine gun at a bus full of kids to deter them from potentially detonating an IED ... why is that normal? I can rationalize it now but it still hurts sometimes.