Question

[varshax]

V and I spend as much time as we can talking about this and that over the phone. During last night's conversation, the topic of gender roles in society and what it means to have grown up as a female in Indian society came up. I feel that even though I am among the lucky ones who had a functioning, loving family around me, I still grew up being told

Comments

[putu99]

I'd say this is a world-wide phenomenon...even if people don't come out and explicitly say that the wife is subordinate to the husband, society the world over does implicitly subscribe to this

[shortindiangirl]

Yes, there's definitely background noise. Given my personality, nothing sits too long on the backburner, so this was something I had thought about explicitly. I'm an only child and had loving parents, both of whom believed in my power to impact the world regardless of my gender, nevertheless the background noise was there. The very fact that my mother was a stay at home mom while my dad worked. But I don't this is unique due to our culture. I think Americans have the same, just varying degree of implicit assumptions

[varshax]

I am trying to come up with examples for V. Thanking for your thoughts. I never really had a need to articulate these feelings before. I am shocked by how unaware boys who grew up with us are about the society we grew up in. The background noise didnt affect them so they are deaf to it.

[shortindiangirl]

In sociology and psychology this is apparently a defined term called "the ignorance of privilege".

On a very related note, see the conversation on latelyontime's journal here

[varshax]

I am aware of "the ignorance of privilege" .... but I am trying to make this personal without having to use terms from sociology. Formal definitions and official sounding terms tend to distract me :)

Tons of examples.

[shortindiangirl]

There are so many more examples. Women not being allowed to study past a certain point. Women studying things that were not interesting to them only to get a degree as a marriage qualification rather than as a course of study. The whole system of bride advertising where women's qualities are described not in terms of human qualities but their varying abilities to serve and appear pleasant and appealing to men (wheatish or fair complexion, excellent cook, good homemaker etc. as opposed to intelligent and analytical, sensitive and affectionate, fun and light hearted etc

Re: Tons of examples.

[varshax]

Many interesting thoughts here ..... and ofcourse, you are able to articulate them better than I can ever hope to !

The simple English language which is patriarchal to the core.
This one is very close to my heart. I remember my college principle saying "when I say 'boys' I mean 'boys and girls'". I dont remember this happening in FAPS actually. And before that I was used to hearing "girls" all the time so "boys" for "boys and girls" just seemed ridiculous. And its not just English ..... even the few concepts of Vedanta that I am slowly getting familiar with seem to be steeped in the same patriarchal hue.

Re: Tons of examples.

[shortindiangirl]

Incidentally, in college, my minor was gender studies.

[shortindiangirl]

7-8 years ago Mads sent me an article on feminism. The author, interesingly argues that our world is becoming more feminine due to chemical and environmental factors including the oestrogen found in plastics, and as a result we (men & women both) are beginning to value feminine qualities such as sensitivity and expression of emotion more and more in the world. The author considered this a devastating state of affairs which would lead to a sure downfall of the planet as we knew it. It was profoundly interesting. I may still have a hard copy of this provocative article, if not Mads may be able to find the source again.

[varshax]

role-confusion..... Interesting thought! I also think that equality is about the freedom to choose. But even though I believe in a human beings right to choose, I am not certain that my choices are all my "own". If I had grown up in a different society, I may have made other choices. I am scared of the next stage in my life .... What choices will I make as a parent ? There is so much guilt associated with not being a stay at home mother. I see others struggling. I have never felt so confused by my choices before this in my life.

As a teenager, I did think about gender differences. But it was about the surface level stuff. As I grew older I realised that many of my choices were being driven totally by my environment. I have never had to explain this to someone before ...... now that I brought it up with V, I am forced to articulate my thoughts :)