Make me work, Make me sweat, Make me cry.
This is the first day of my life. I swear I was born right in the door way...
In less then 8 hours I get sent back to hell. Oh god... I wish I could just live at home forever. Ten days wasn't enough.
It will be over before I know it but... I still wish I didn't have to leave home.
So... I figured, because it was my last day home, I would try one last time to talk to Tiana. I called her house and she hung up on me. heh... Because, whatever it was that I did, it was so bad that she can't talk to me ever again. I called her a secound time and she had her brother answer the phone. "Is Tiana there?" "no." lol, ok. But, I talked to her brother for a bit. Not everybody hates me.
I just sat on the couch after I called her, staring at the phone, with a sad look on my face. My mother came in and asked what was wrong. "Tiana hung up on me when I tried to call her." I said. we talked for a bit, and she made me feal better but... I just don't understand.
I left for bootcamp, and our last words to each other were "I love you so much, I'm going to miss you so much. I'l see you soon though." Our love just wasn't strong enough though. I just wasn't good enough. And this Lee guy... or whatever his name is... I guess he's better then me. But, I just hope thats the truth. As long as she's with a guy thats as good to her as I was, and treats her with the love and respect that she deserves, then... I can deal with it. It just hurts... to... come home, and have the woman you loved, not only taken away from you, but have her hate you and not want to talk to you or even look at you.
I was told so many lies... and... just had my heart.... crushed and broken.
"Promise me you won't leave me while I'm in there."
"I promise."
"Promise me you won't cheat on me while I'm in there."
"I promise."
"Promise me that if we ever break up, we'll always stay friends."
"I promise."
You told me that you wouldn't throw away everything we've built for some guy in penn., who you wouldn't even be able to see. but... that was a lie to.
Do I want you back. No. Because your a liar. I also think you never really loved me. Your a hypocrit too. Why, because you hate and despise liars. It doesn't even matter what they lie about... And you lied about so many things... including our love. So... Even if you didn't hate me for no reason, I still wouldn't ever want you back... because all that you were, all that I was attracted to, is gone. All that is left is her face. But... I don't hate you. As a matter of fact, I still love you. I will always love you, I can't help it. My love for you was so intense, and ran so deep... that it will never disapear.
Why hate me though? just tell me that. What is the point of hateing me? Why can't you talk to me?
What did I do that was so terrible that you can't ever see me or talk to me ever again? what did I do at all?
My mother says that it's because your embaresed. Your to stubborn for that though. In your mind, You didn't cheat on me, I shouldn't feel shity, you didn't lie, I should understand, and your the victim. Victim of what though... I don't know. and... you probably won't tell me.
I think you wanted to hurt me though. I think breaking my heart wasn't enough for you, you have to crush it into dust. In my letter back to you, I begged and pleaded for you to not take away my best friend. I begged for you to not do this... because I knew it would happen. And in your first letter to me, the one wear you did break up with me, you said you would stay my friend... but... you didn't.
I knew you would do this because you told me a long time ago you would. You said you wouldn't be able to stay friends or talk to me because, it would be to hard, and you would be to bitter... you said that after a year or so you would probably be able to talk to me... but... this is back when you never thought you would break up with me, and you thought I would break it off. I promised you I wouldn't. I never broke a promise to you. I loved you with all my heart and soul, and I probably could of loved you a little bit more but... that wasn't enough apparently.
I just don't understand, thats all. How can you go from loving someone to hateing them so quikly? How can you justify not talking to me? How do I not deserve at least a phone call?
To me... there is no reason, for any of this... but... I'm sure you have a good reason for it all. I just wish I knew it.
... heh...
and... It is going take awhile for me to trust ever again. If you can't trust the one you love with all you have... who can you trust?
I'll date... but... I won't love. Not for a very long time. I just don't ever want to be this hurt ever again. To be... just hurt. It's going to take a long time for me to trust women evr again.
And it's funny how it ended up.. how this stort ends, if this is the end of the story. She was so closed up, and unable to trust anyone... and now she's so open, out going and I'm sure Lee had no trouble what so ever getting her to trust him. I'm sure that everything that I know about her, everything so personal that I know, and took me almost two years to find out... I'm sure she opened up to him in minutes. I'm sure by now, he knows all that I know and more... And me... I use to be such a fun, outgoing, trusting guy... and now, the next woman I date... it's going to take a bit for me to let her in.
but... whatever, right.
Life goes on.
I got a new cell phone today. If anyone wants the number, just call bonnie. she can give it to you.
Do it Tiana. Please... please Tiana. Stop being so damn stuborn and call me. I don't care about the lies. I don't care about the boy. I just want my friend back. I promise I won't ask you why. I just... want my friend back. Tiana... just call me. Stop being so damn stubborn and call.
And so I'm off... on to another chapter of my four year journey. I'm going to miss home so much. I hope to be back soon.
I love you all.
G'night... for now.
-Forever Yours
In less then 8 hours I get sent back to hell. Oh god... I wish I could just live at home forever. Ten days wasn't enough.
It will be over before I know it but... I still wish I didn't have to leave home.
So... I figured, because it was my last day home, I would try one last time to talk to Tiana. I called her house and she hung up on me. heh... Because, whatever it was that I did, it was so bad that she can't talk to me ever again. I called her a secound time and she had her brother answer the phone. "Is Tiana there?" "no." lol, ok. But, I talked to her brother for a bit. Not everybody hates me.
I just sat on the couch after I called her, staring at the phone, with a sad look on my face. My mother came in and asked what was wrong. "Tiana hung up on me when I tried to call her." I said. we talked for a bit, and she made me feal better but... I just don't understand.
I left for bootcamp, and our last words to each other were "I love you so much, I'm going to miss you so much. I'l see you soon though." Our love just wasn't strong enough though. I just wasn't good enough. And this Lee guy... or whatever his name is... I guess he's better then me. But, I just hope thats the truth. As long as she's with a guy thats as good to her as I was, and treats her with the love and respect that she deserves, then... I can deal with it. It just hurts... to... come home, and have the woman you loved, not only taken away from you, but have her hate you and not want to talk to you or even look at you.
I was told so many lies... and... just had my heart.... crushed and broken.
"Promise me you won't leave me while I'm in there."
"I promise."
"Promise me you won't cheat on me while I'm in there."
"I promise."
"Promise me that if we ever break up, we'll always stay friends."
"I promise."
You told me that you wouldn't throw away everything we've built for some guy in penn., who you wouldn't even be able to see. but... that was a lie to.
Do I want you back. No. Because your a liar. I also think you never really loved me. Your a hypocrit too. Why, because you hate and despise liars. It doesn't even matter what they lie about... And you lied about so many things... including our love. So... Even if you didn't hate me for no reason, I still wouldn't ever want you back... because all that you were, all that I was attracted to, is gone. All that is left is her face. But... I don't hate you. As a matter of fact, I still love you. I will always love you, I can't help it. My love for you was so intense, and ran so deep... that it will never disapear.
Why hate me though? just tell me that. What is the point of hateing me? Why can't you talk to me?
What did I do that was so terrible that you can't ever see me or talk to me ever again? what did I do at all?
My mother says that it's because your embaresed. Your to stubborn for that though. In your mind, You didn't cheat on me, I shouldn't feel shity, you didn't lie, I should understand, and your the victim. Victim of what though... I don't know. and... you probably won't tell me.
I think you wanted to hurt me though. I think breaking my heart wasn't enough for you, you have to crush it into dust. In my letter back to you, I begged and pleaded for you to not take away my best friend. I begged for you to not do this... because I knew it would happen. And in your first letter to me, the one wear you did break up with me, you said you would stay my friend... but... you didn't.
I knew you would do this because you told me a long time ago you would. You said you wouldn't be able to stay friends or talk to me because, it would be to hard, and you would be to bitter... you said that after a year or so you would probably be able to talk to me... but... this is back when you never thought you would break up with me, and you thought I would break it off. I promised you I wouldn't. I never broke a promise to you. I loved you with all my heart and soul, and I probably could of loved you a little bit more but... that wasn't enough apparently.
I just don't understand, thats all. How can you go from loving someone to hateing them so quikly? How can you justify not talking to me? How do I not deserve at least a phone call?
To me... there is no reason, for any of this... but... I'm sure you have a good reason for it all. I just wish I knew it.
... heh...
and... It is going take awhile for me to trust ever again. If you can't trust the one you love with all you have... who can you trust?
I'll date... but... I won't love. Not for a very long time. I just don't ever want to be this hurt ever again. To be... just hurt. It's going to take a long time for me to trust women evr again.
And it's funny how it ended up.. how this stort ends, if this is the end of the story. She was so closed up, and unable to trust anyone... and now she's so open, out going and I'm sure Lee had no trouble what so ever getting her to trust him. I'm sure that everything that I know about her, everything so personal that I know, and took me almost two years to find out... I'm sure she opened up to him in minutes. I'm sure by now, he knows all that I know and more... And me... I use to be such a fun, outgoing, trusting guy... and now, the next woman I date... it's going to take a bit for me to let her in.
but... whatever, right.
Life goes on.
I got a new cell phone today. If anyone wants the number, just call bonnie. she can give it to you.
Do it Tiana. Please... please Tiana. Stop being so damn stuborn and call me. I don't care about the lies. I don't care about the boy. I just want my friend back. I promise I won't ask you why. I just... want my friend back. Tiana... just call me. Stop being so damn stubborn and call.
And so I'm off... on to another chapter of my four year journey. I'm going to miss home so much. I hope to be back soon.
I love you all.
G'night... for now.
-Forever Yours