Of past and presence.
Original LiveJournal being used in the spirit of consistency and not repeating one's own mistakes. This entry was a draft saved for over a year, and deserves to be posted as much as any other.
"Events in people's lives tend to repeat; or at least resemble each other. Deju Vu is what happens when your memory is too poor to recall the differences. Working at Hobbytown again has shown me that things have changed, when everything in my life has felt horribly static. I remember what I was like during my first time working there. Self-conscious, desperate for acceptance by anybody who would give it. I see now how little I care about that; I'm considerably more concerned with upholding my own morality and general state of mind. It's a double edged sword. I attack anything that I see as a threat to my personality. Still, I wouldn't trade it.
A lot of people are surprised with how content I am with my lifestyle. The company I keep is a trusted few, and even then it's not uncommon to go weeks without seeing a friend. The person I see the most in terms of recreation is my brother. We get each other, and we both seem aware of where the lines you don't cross are, so it isn't easy to get sick of the other. A little over a year ago when we started hanging out and essentially getting to know each other, I was surprised by how much we were alike, after spending most of our lives bickering over differences. We share the same best qualities, and a lot of the worst."
But to be frank, I don't know what I was getting at.
My life has descended into its own self-perpetuating hell, and I feel largely helpless to defend myself from it. Problems can create problems, but it's not nearly as common for solutions to arise from solutions. Damn.
I'm angry and scared, and lonely. Apologies for vaguery.
"Events in people's lives tend to repeat; or at least resemble each other. Deju Vu is what happens when your memory is too poor to recall the differences. Working at Hobbytown again has shown me that things have changed, when everything in my life has felt horribly static. I remember what I was like during my first time working there. Self-conscious, desperate for acceptance by anybody who would give it. I see now how little I care about that; I'm considerably more concerned with upholding my own morality and general state of mind. It's a double edged sword. I attack anything that I see as a threat to my personality. Still, I wouldn't trade it.
A lot of people are surprised with how content I am with my lifestyle. The company I keep is a trusted few, and even then it's not uncommon to go weeks without seeing a friend. The person I see the most in terms of recreation is my brother. We get each other, and we both seem aware of where the lines you don't cross are, so it isn't easy to get sick of the other. A little over a year ago when we started hanging out and essentially getting to know each other, I was surprised by how much we were alike, after spending most of our lives bickering over differences. We share the same best qualities, and a lot of the worst."
But to be frank, I don't know what I was getting at.
My life has descended into its own self-perpetuating hell, and I feel largely helpless to defend myself from it. Problems can create problems, but it's not nearly as common for solutions to arise from solutions. Damn.
I'm angry and scared, and lonely. Apologies for vaguery.