(no subject)
Who am I? Really?
It's a good question that needs answering, and which I've been forced to examine lately.
The answer?
I am strong, independent, unique and eclectic. I'm that one girl you see outside on an old blue cruiser bicycle coasting through the autumn leaves when you look up from your iPhone. I'm the woman who couldn't care less what the neighbor's think of the fact that she hung her bedding out to air on a cool spring day. In fact, it didn't even cross my mind. I'm the one who would actually communicate with my love by mail, not just find the idea nice. I dream of becoming a detective one week, and an anthropologist the next. The month after that I want to be a writer, or a doctor. Perhaps I'll become all of those things someday. I am a dreamer. But a dreamer who let her dreams fade. Who buried them under such low opinions of herself that she thought stepping out of her room would cause someone to think badly of her. I'm the dreamer who lost her faith. I went months without uttering a prayer until a moment ago. I couldn't honestly look in my own eyes in the mirror. I was fake. I had become someone who I didn't recognize, and I still feel fear sitting in my stomach like a stone. Fear of who I have been, who I am, and who I will become. I am not afraid to voice my opinion. Abortion is murder. All races are the same. I believe that to the point where I will never identify my race on a form again. Everyone deserves a second chance. And by second I mean billionth. A billionandsecond chance. I am so patient and understanding with people that it shocked my shrink. And it shocks many others. The personalities of the people who I love are across the map. I do not conform. To anything. Especially not nonconformist groups. I love my God. He is in me, and I in Him. Though over the past year I have strayed farther from Him than I thought possible. These are not just words. If you believe that they are, that I'm being false... I pity you and grieve the fact that I have not earned your trust as of yet. I pity you because you will not stand by me and my convictions. But I will go on. And you will see. When you do, I'll be the happiest person alive.
Lately, there have been three versions of myself. A dear friend told me this... And I recognize that he is correct. Who I used to be, who I have become, and who I tell myself I am. The person I used to be is naive, innocent, fragile, beautiful, wild, and free. But she is not who I am. The person I have become is disrespectful, insecure, rebellious for rebellions sake, oblivious, and inconsiderate. The person I've told myself I am is loyal, trustworthy, carefree, patient, and unique.
Truly, I cannot tell you for sure who I will be. But one thing I can assure you is this. Every morning, I will look in the mirror, and force myself to know who I am, and I will be fiercely loyal to that woman. Always. I deserve it.
Vie
It's a good question that needs answering, and which I've been forced to examine lately.
The answer?
I am strong, independent, unique and eclectic. I'm that one girl you see outside on an old blue cruiser bicycle coasting through the autumn leaves when you look up from your iPhone. I'm the woman who couldn't care less what the neighbor's think of the fact that she hung her bedding out to air on a cool spring day. In fact, it didn't even cross my mind. I'm the one who would actually communicate with my love by mail, not just find the idea nice. I dream of becoming a detective one week, and an anthropologist the next. The month after that I want to be a writer, or a doctor. Perhaps I'll become all of those things someday. I am a dreamer. But a dreamer who let her dreams fade. Who buried them under such low opinions of herself that she thought stepping out of her room would cause someone to think badly of her. I'm the dreamer who lost her faith. I went months without uttering a prayer until a moment ago. I couldn't honestly look in my own eyes in the mirror. I was fake. I had become someone who I didn't recognize, and I still feel fear sitting in my stomach like a stone. Fear of who I have been, who I am, and who I will become. I am not afraid to voice my opinion. Abortion is murder. All races are the same. I believe that to the point where I will never identify my race on a form again. Everyone deserves a second chance. And by second I mean billionth. A billionandsecond chance. I am so patient and understanding with people that it shocked my shrink. And it shocks many others. The personalities of the people who I love are across the map. I do not conform. To anything. Especially not nonconformist groups. I love my God. He is in me, and I in Him. Though over the past year I have strayed farther from Him than I thought possible. These are not just words. If you believe that they are, that I'm being false... I pity you and grieve the fact that I have not earned your trust as of yet. I pity you because you will not stand by me and my convictions. But I will go on. And you will see. When you do, I'll be the happiest person alive.
Lately, there have been three versions of myself. A dear friend told me this... And I recognize that he is correct. Who I used to be, who I have become, and who I tell myself I am. The person I used to be is naive, innocent, fragile, beautiful, wild, and free. But she is not who I am. The person I have become is disrespectful, insecure, rebellious for rebellions sake, oblivious, and inconsiderate. The person I've told myself I am is loyal, trustworthy, carefree, patient, and unique.
Truly, I cannot tell you for sure who I will be. But one thing I can assure you is this. Every morning, I will look in the mirror, and force myself to know who I am, and I will be fiercely loyal to that woman. Always. I deserve it.
Vie