JOYFUL update, Suicide and Murder
Okay, so my mum's marriage is over. She and I have been kicked out of the house. We are still there now but have to leave ASAP.
I can't believe it. I am in a state of shock. While I don't care about the step family one iota, (in fact, I would love to see them dead, harsh words but true) I am upset for my mum. If it wasn't for the children (on both sides) their marriage would have been far less tumultuous.
So.
I am off down to Adelaide. She is going somewhere up the coast. How long it will take us to leave, I don't know.
What makes it worse is that it was my and step sister's argument that instigated the whole thing and everyone is resting the blame on my shoulders and forgetting about what she's done. I don't like thinking that I ruined my mum's marriage.
~
At times like these, I contemplate suicide. I've thought about how and where and what I might say in a note. But I wouldn't actually go through with it. My note would mark the cause as stepfamily, but I wouldn't want to give them any sense of satisfaction, and I wouldn't want them to have beaten me. Not only that, but I wouldn't want to cause my family any pain and grief. Suicide is a cowards way out, in my opinion.
I also think about murder and how much I would love to kill my step father and sister. I've even had dreams about shooting them in the head. They've caused so much anger over the years that they are the only people I truly detest. But at the same time, I pity them. I pity the fact that they are such poor examples of people. I feel sorry that they have to go through life being such losers. Of course, I would never murder anyone - I feel bad enough if a spider or a mouse gets killed. I would hope that karma would sort them out instead. Karma already has with John. He has an incurable disease in his stomach which they thought was cancer. Too bad it's not.
~
Sorry this update is so negative. I am upset, pissed off, in disbelief, have a headache, and have been crying. Right now, I am an emotional wreck. I wish I had someone to talk to.
I can't believe it. I am in a state of shock. While I don't care about the step family one iota, (in fact, I would love to see them dead, harsh words but true) I am upset for my mum. If it wasn't for the children (on both sides) their marriage would have been far less tumultuous.
So.
I am off down to Adelaide. She is going somewhere up the coast. How long it will take us to leave, I don't know.
What makes it worse is that it was my and step sister's argument that instigated the whole thing and everyone is resting the blame on my shoulders and forgetting about what she's done. I don't like thinking that I ruined my mum's marriage.
~
At times like these, I contemplate suicide. I've thought about how and where and what I might say in a note. But I wouldn't actually go through with it. My note would mark the cause as stepfamily, but I wouldn't want to give them any sense of satisfaction, and I wouldn't want them to have beaten me. Not only that, but I wouldn't want to cause my family any pain and grief. Suicide is a cowards way out, in my opinion.
I also think about murder and how much I would love to kill my step father and sister. I've even had dreams about shooting them in the head. They've caused so much anger over the years that they are the only people I truly detest. But at the same time, I pity them. I pity the fact that they are such poor examples of people. I feel sorry that they have to go through life being such losers. Of course, I would never murder anyone - I feel bad enough if a spider or a mouse gets killed. I would hope that karma would sort them out instead. Karma already has with John. He has an incurable disease in his stomach which they thought was cancer. Too bad it's not.
~
Sorry this update is so negative. I am upset, pissed off, in disbelief, have a headache, and have been crying. Right now, I am an emotional wreck. I wish I had someone to talk to.