We're Gonna Have What We're Gonna Have...
Today was great except for the fact that a panic attack came out of nowhere. Of course that's how they work anyway...sneaky bastards. Bit me in the ass, caused a headache from hell, and it ended with a phone call to my dad and him telling me what I already knew; but, making everything better because I knew I was understood and knew that his wisdom was at my fingertips.
I hate it up here. Then I think "What if I die before I move back home and I wasted a year up here?", or I think "What if something happens to mom and dad and I'm up here and I never know?" You know, morbid paranoia. I'm just cursed. It's crazy how unstable I feel after accomplishing so much. I know I'm not unstable, but I just need a break from everything. It makes me pissed off at myself even more after all is said and done. It terrifies me thinking about finding a job up here and dealing with these assholes. I don't trust myself. The day I move back to Kentucky, I'll be a happy gal. I want trees, grass under my feet, nights in the summer with a glass of lemonade and the sound of crickets. I want peace and people who know how to be polite and if they don't well, then at least there are less than the dicks up here...
On a side note, I recorded a song today for the album. "Exhumed Memories" is near completion, I just need to put vocal tracks down. I keep thinking I want to keep it an instrumental, but I wrote some great lyrics that I don't want to go to waste. I can't wait to finish the album. I have two more songs to record after this one is finished. The split EP came in the mail today as well, which was inspiring to see. Got an offer from some lame rec label from Thailand. Said no. Can't imagine what that was all about?
I hate it up here. Then I think "What if I die before I move back home and I wasted a year up here?", or I think "What if something happens to mom and dad and I'm up here and I never know?" You know, morbid paranoia. I'm just cursed. It's crazy how unstable I feel after accomplishing so much. I know I'm not unstable, but I just need a break from everything. It makes me pissed off at myself even more after all is said and done. It terrifies me thinking about finding a job up here and dealing with these assholes. I don't trust myself. The day I move back to Kentucky, I'll be a happy gal. I want trees, grass under my feet, nights in the summer with a glass of lemonade and the sound of crickets. I want peace and people who know how to be polite and if they don't well, then at least there are less than the dicks up here...
On a side note, I recorded a song today for the album. "Exhumed Memories" is near completion, I just need to put vocal tracks down. I keep thinking I want to keep it an instrumental, but I wrote some great lyrics that I don't want to go to waste. I can't wait to finish the album. I have two more songs to record after this one is finished. The split EP came in the mail today as well, which was inspiring to see. Got an offer from some lame rec label from Thailand. Said no. Can't imagine what that was all about?