eXistenZ
I EXIST ONCE AGAIN!! Muahaha.
I had a lot of time to think during my deletion, and had an astonishing revelation in that time. Truly mind-blowing as it was, I had to smoke a carton of Númenórean Spirit and drink seven pots of coffee to gather myself. I had stumbled upon a painful and beautiful truth that shakes the foundations of everything any of us have ever believed in. However, it's probably best that I not reveal it at this time. But I thought about other things, too. Such as, what did I ever really do with my life? Either one? What did I accomplish, what impression did I leave upon the world?
Nothing. None. When I was first a prince of the first Ruling Family of Númenor, I spent most of my time trying to weasel out of whatever sport was in season that my father was forcing me into. When I got older, I married a woman whose very existence is questionable, had a handful of children and became an established caffeine addict like my father before me. Elros was still king, of course, and my siblings therefore inserted me into the semi-official position of Royal Calmer of Tar-Minyatur's Spaz Attacks. They even made me business cards, the sarcastic bastards. This was the closest I have ever come to real work. Throughout his Golden Years, I heard a number of colourful things in the vein of, "I'm a twin, you know. I am. He's probably not getting old, though. Nooooo. He decided to be an ELF. Everyone likes elves, don't they? Yesiree, and you know what? EVERYONE LIKES ELROND BETTER THAN ME WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT", at which point I'd give him a large bottle of double-strength iced coffee to keep him from hyperventilating.
When the time came that the throne would pass to me, I had developed a firm belief that kingship drives a man insane. I abdicated to my oldest and lived out my days doing royal public relations work and being generally useless to everyone. This time around hasn't been much better.*
I have therefore made a command decision to entirely redirect my life as a second incarnation.
Ah, fuck, my toast is burning.**
*My biggest accomplishment was seducing a now-married*** Son of Fëanor, and pissing off my great-grandmother as a result.
**That wasn't the command decision.
***I think. I mean, how can you really tell the difference? They all look faintly alike, and then there are all those M names. Really.
I had a lot of time to think during my deletion, and had an astonishing revelation in that time. Truly mind-blowing as it was, I had to smoke a carton of Númenórean Spirit and drink seven pots of coffee to gather myself. I had stumbled upon a painful and beautiful truth that shakes the foundations of everything any of us have ever believed in. However, it's probably best that I not reveal it at this time. But I thought about other things, too. Such as, what did I ever really do with my life? Either one? What did I accomplish, what impression did I leave upon the world?
Nothing. None. When I was first a prince of the first Ruling Family of Númenor, I spent most of my time trying to weasel out of whatever sport was in season that my father was forcing me into. When I got older, I married a woman whose very existence is questionable, had a handful of children and became an established caffeine addict like my father before me. Elros was still king, of course, and my siblings therefore inserted me into the semi-official position of Royal Calmer of Tar-Minyatur's Spaz Attacks. They even made me business cards, the sarcastic bastards. This was the closest I have ever come to real work. Throughout his Golden Years, I heard a number of colourful things in the vein of, "I'm a twin, you know. I am. He's probably not getting old, though. Nooooo. He decided to be an ELF. Everyone likes elves, don't they? Yesiree, and you know what? EVERYONE LIKES ELROND BETTER THAN ME WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT", at which point I'd give him a large bottle of double-strength iced coffee to keep him from hyperventilating.
When the time came that the throne would pass to me, I had developed a firm belief that kingship drives a man insane. I abdicated to my oldest and lived out my days doing royal public relations work and being generally useless to everyone. This time around hasn't been much better.*
I have therefore made a command decision to entirely redirect my life as a second incarnation.
Ah, fuck, my toast is burning.**
*My biggest accomplishment was seducing a now-married*** Son of Fëanor, and pissing off my great-grandmother as a result.
**That wasn't the command decision.
***I think. I mean, how can you really tell the difference? They all look faintly alike, and then there are all those M names. Really.