What is fashion?
I was thinking about fashion last night, while pondering things such as hot babes, real men, guns, crushing people's spines and other such manly thoughts. While contemplating this so called "fashion", it struck me that it was all a great load of bullshit. Yes. That's right, fashion is bullshit, and you are all blind to this fact (while it remains clear as day to me and other such open minded people).
I know there are going to be a lot of people (communists) out there who will be saying; "Hey! Fashion is a booming industry that the television says I should take an interest in, no matter what rancid gut-bile they involve with it! Who are you to say it's bullshit!".
My answer to you is simple, my sweet little living miscarriages.
Example 1:
Firstly, I'm thinking of calling the police to identify this person as the clown's tent bandit. What the hell is she wearing? Those pants look like something a grandma would wear to bed. The only upside to this outfit is the fact that the shirt/jumper/top/whatever-the-fuck-you-define-it-as could double as a parachute if you were ever thrown from a tall building, or out of a plane - which may actually come in quite handy if this person was to ever meet me while wearing this piece of shit fashion statement.
Example 2:
This was actually classified as "casual business" clothing. If anyone ever turned up wearing this to a job interview or to a simple day at work - I would tear their heart right out, purely because they leave their chest open and unprotected to such a fatal move. Another question that comes to mind while staring at this monstrosity: since when do zombies wear "bling bling"? Look at that chunky ass medallion on the overly long chain this she-zombie is wearing. Maybe she can release some rap albums, piss on some kids (R Kelly ring a bell?) and romanticize ghetto life to all her zombie homies?
Example 3:
It looks like Michael Jackson has branched out into his new career as a model - though as far as what he is wearing in this picture goes .. I thought fashion designers were meant to have fashion sense? The "skirt" is actually just a shawl that's wrapped around her waste, and the jacket looks like something I'd find at an op shop (second hand clothes store where everything is $5 or less). One day I plan to drive a bus, purely so I can hunt these fashion statements down and crush them underneath the numerous wheels of my beast of anti-fashion (bus). I'd need a bus purely for the reason that it would have the right amount of unrepellable momentum, as the fashion seen above (and all over the runways) is so bad that it would repel even stink from shit.
Now there you go, asking a smart question like: "Okay then, I agree that all fashion is shit and your views are correct - but what do you propose that we wear/worship as a substitute?".
Simple:
Skeletor (same body measurements and attractiveness of all the models in the world) decked out in some inexpensive, but very handy "rat-wear".
Their warm rat bodies keep the cold out and the heat in during winter, and vice versa in summer - so this is an all-year outfit! They smell like whatever you spray them with and retain scents better than human flesh, so you'll never have to worry about your overpowering perfume/aftershave not being strong enough to cause headaches to all those around you anymore. On top of this, by far the handiest reason I can see for using rats is what I like to call the "hunger factor". In a traffic jam? Caught in the elevator? Forgot to bring money for lunch? No sweat! Eat one of your rats. Replacements are easy to find, just have a look in your own home and staple them right back to your skeletor outfit.
Any arguments? I'll answer them before you even bother to type: you're wrong.
Fashion is stupid and everyone involved with it must die, have a nice day.
I know there are going to be a lot of people (communists) out there who will be saying; "Hey! Fashion is a booming industry that the television says I should take an interest in, no matter what rancid gut-bile they involve with it! Who are you to say it's bullshit!".
My answer to you is simple, my sweet little living miscarriages.
Example 1:
Firstly, I'm thinking of calling the police to identify this person as the clown's tent bandit. What the hell is she wearing? Those pants look like something a grandma would wear to bed. The only upside to this outfit is the fact that the shirt/jumper/top/whatever-the-fuck-you-define-it-as could double as a parachute if you were ever thrown from a tall building, or out of a plane - which may actually come in quite handy if this person was to ever meet me while wearing this piece of shit fashion statement.
Example 2:
This was actually classified as "casual business" clothing. If anyone ever turned up wearing this to a job interview or to a simple day at work - I would tear their heart right out, purely because they leave their chest open and unprotected to such a fatal move. Another question that comes to mind while staring at this monstrosity: since when do zombies wear "bling bling"? Look at that chunky ass medallion on the overly long chain this she-zombie is wearing. Maybe she can release some rap albums, piss on some kids (R Kelly ring a bell?) and romanticize ghetto life to all her zombie homies?
Example 3:
It looks like Michael Jackson has branched out into his new career as a model - though as far as what he is wearing in this picture goes .. I thought fashion designers were meant to have fashion sense? The "skirt" is actually just a shawl that's wrapped around her waste, and the jacket looks like something I'd find at an op shop (second hand clothes store where everything is $5 or less). One day I plan to drive a bus, purely so I can hunt these fashion statements down and crush them underneath the numerous wheels of my beast of anti-fashion (bus). I'd need a bus purely for the reason that it would have the right amount of unrepellable momentum, as the fashion seen above (and all over the runways) is so bad that it would repel even stink from shit.
Now there you go, asking a smart question like: "Okay then, I agree that all fashion is shit and your views are correct - but what do you propose that we wear/worship as a substitute?".
Simple:
Skeletor (same body measurements and attractiveness of all the models in the world) decked out in some inexpensive, but very handy "rat-wear".
Their warm rat bodies keep the cold out and the heat in during winter, and vice versa in summer - so this is an all-year outfit! They smell like whatever you spray them with and retain scents better than human flesh, so you'll never have to worry about your overpowering perfume/aftershave not being strong enough to cause headaches to all those around you anymore. On top of this, by far the handiest reason I can see for using rats is what I like to call the "hunger factor". In a traffic jam? Caught in the elevator? Forgot to bring money for lunch? No sweat! Eat one of your rats. Replacements are easy to find, just have a look in your own home and staple them right back to your skeletor outfit.
Any arguments? I'll answer them before you even bother to type: you're wrong.
Fashion is stupid and everyone involved with it must die, have a nice day.