News
On Monday, I phoned the hospital and told a nurse how my mental state is going down every day I have to wait for the surgery. Today, when on a train from L. to Helsinki, she called me back and told me that The Day will be 9th of August and I'll go to the hospital on the 8th. This is pretty good when knowing they only do these operations once a week and none on July. After talking to the nurse, I phoned M. who congratulated me - which my Mom thought funny, I didn't - and then I tried to continue solving Sudokus. I couldn't, though, 'cause even if I thought I was merely happy now to know the exact date and get rid of the unsecurity considering that, I suddenly got very nervous, could only think of the surgery and felt my heart beating faster and my mouth feeling thirstier. I called my sister, which made me feel a whole lot better. During the phone call we also planned to give a small gift for our cousin who today, in the morning, gave birth to a baby boy.:) H. later bought a nice little (well, that was needless to say...) hat for him.
Last week I began taking a bigger dose of my happy pills. This week, I've been wondering how much the warm and sunny weather affects on my mind. It wasn't until today that I understood the pills might actually be doing their job already! Wonderful! The change is remarkable, yet I still don't feel all happy happy joy joy but better indeed.
Now I'm trying to walk at least for about a half an hour per day. That's the best I can persuade myself into. I should try to keep my health and physics up for the surgery but I just hate excercise... Well maybe I don't hate excercise as much as lifting my ass from this chair and going somewhere to jump and smile with other people. Anyway, I'm trying even a bit more than usually.
Reading all these blogs about eating disorder, it makes me feel guilty to write these things here but, well, this is my blog. I mean, I feel quite bad as I'm gaining weight again. My eating habits are totally unhealthy and I'm not sure if it's lazyness or really just lack of energy now that keeps me keep them up. Lazyness, I say. This time I also think cortisone is gathering liquid all over my body. Usually it's only been around the face and neck, now it seems to be everywhere. Aaaa, I don't know what is what anymore. I'm imagining the glorious time after surgery when I'm not taking cortisone and start to look like myself again. Haha, I tend to have these daydreams of that time but I can't, don't and won't believe it even myself before I see and feel it - so many bad experiences about the same "healing" surgery aroud me.
I'm so full of chocolate I'm almost vomiting when drinking water... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... ha... ha....
Last week I began taking a bigger dose of my happy pills. This week, I've been wondering how much the warm and sunny weather affects on my mind. It wasn't until today that I understood the pills might actually be doing their job already! Wonderful! The change is remarkable, yet I still don't feel all happy happy joy joy but better indeed.
Now I'm trying to walk at least for about a half an hour per day. That's the best I can persuade myself into. I should try to keep my health and physics up for the surgery but I just hate excercise... Well maybe I don't hate excercise as much as lifting my ass from this chair and going somewhere to jump and smile with other people. Anyway, I'm trying even a bit more than usually.
Reading all these blogs about eating disorder, it makes me feel guilty to write these things here but, well, this is my blog. I mean, I feel quite bad as I'm gaining weight again. My eating habits are totally unhealthy and I'm not sure if it's lazyness or really just lack of energy now that keeps me keep them up. Lazyness, I say. This time I also think cortisone is gathering liquid all over my body. Usually it's only been around the face and neck, now it seems to be everywhere. Aaaa, I don't know what is what anymore. I'm imagining the glorious time after surgery when I'm not taking cortisone and start to look like myself again. Haha, I tend to have these daydreams of that time but I can't, don't and won't believe it even myself before I see and feel it - so many bad experiences about the same "healing" surgery aroud me.
I'm so full of chocolate I'm almost vomiting when drinking water... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... ha... ha....