I just want to hit things, I want to destroy things right now.
After last night ending like it did. I woke up feeling okay. Lacey wanted me to come by today, and I wasn't digging on the whole bus thing. Then low and behold, mechanic calls. Fixed my car. Not only fixed, but he changed the oil, flushed the radiator, and jury rigged my fan so I could turn it on manually to keep the thing from over heating till we could fix that permanently. He'd quoted me 1200 bucks, did the whole shebang for 1037. I'm feeling good about that. I'd already paid 260, gave him another 777 and the car is mine. Banks empty, but the car is mine again.
I drive out to Lacey's, went out with her and Nicole, and Lia and Jake and Chuck, and Glen to Glen's b-day party, which was really cool.
I decided to come home a little earlier than I planned, for some reason. To get to my house you take the 605, to the 5, to the 101, to the 170, then it's a quarter of a mile from the 170/101 interchange to my house. Just before the 170 sign...my car cuts out, I'm in the fast lane...and can't get over cause I was doing 70, now 40, everyone else is still doing 70. Can't get over without getting hit. Nowhere to go on my side, I have to hug the median and that's all I can do. Stopped. On a major highway. In the FUCKING FAST LANE, and guess what, my battery is Dead, do you know what doesn't work when your FUCKING BATTERY DIES...any frickin guesses? Yeah, YOUR LIGHTS, which includes your FUCKING HAZARDS. Yeah, median, fast lane, no hazards, 1 am.
The first thing I did was call 911. 3 minutes of ringing to get a automated message, another 3 for an operator. She says she's sending a highway patrol. The whole time, every 15 seconds someone peels rubber inches from my car, then they swear at me and flick me off. Or they flash thier stupid lights. Tell me, What the fuck is the point of doing that? Like Oops, didn't have my lights on when I decided to park in the highway, my bad. MORON. Don't ever flash your fucking lights at me or I swear I will remove your will to live. A couple of mexican guys pull in front of me, no jumper cables, they spent 10 minutes trying to get me to get from behind my car where I'm waving and jumping and trying to present a target for people to miss. Finally I get worried that if I do get hit, so will they, so I run through 5 lanes to get to the other side. They leave, I go back. Called 911 4 more times, no operator. Every once in awhile several cars will have to line behind me trying to get into the next lane and I start to feel okay, then they're gone and it's dark again and all I see is cars coming at me. Standing behind my car waving at them, on hold with 911. 15 minutes I'm there before finally, finally a white car doing 80 comes at me and jump over it's tail as it knocks into my car. Literally it knocks me into the median as it demolishes my car. Demolishes it. MY bumper is tucked under my tire, the whole rear end is. My rear window SHATTERED. I can't even get mad at the guy, cause he hits his head, can barely stand, but tells me to get in his car so I don't get hit. As I do a van squeals to not hit him, gets into the second lane and a blue car does the same thing, stops just short, but the jeep behind it, didn't. That jeeps runs into the median scraping the side of the blue car and comes inches from me. 4 people in that car, 3 in the other. 15 minutes I'm there and my car is in one piece, 5 minutes after the jeeps swipes the blue car. The cops show up. I was actually on the phone with 911 as the car hit me. I described it to her, I'm like "no cars hit yet, but one will, hurry up..." "They're on thier way sir" "I'm trying to wave...shit here comes one...there it goes...it hit me" "The car hit you sir" "that's what I said...it's not over either...yep, two more cars just hit each other and I in a certain amount of pain right now and there's glass in my eye, thanks" Afterwards I could baredly put the phone down I was gripping it so hard. Everyone else is able to drive to the side. The cop has to steer my car, while the other cop pushes it to the side. The guy who hit me is all dazed but everyone else is fine. I'm just walking in circles screaming at my car. The cop thought I was crazy, I punched my passengers window so hard before the came to talk to me, my ring finger is throbbing right now. That pissed me off even more and I punched my side mirror off. I was just mad I couldn't break the window just by hitting it. The cop came to get my insurance card and had to pull me away from the window as i'm trying to kick it in. He felt sorry for me and didn't give me a ticket for not having a valid CA drivers license or having the car registered here. That didn't stop him from yelling at me about it, but I think he was mostly mad about the window thing. The other cop took me aside and told me not to go anywhere with the ambulance unless I was really messed up because they'd charge me like 500'000 dollars, but he told me it was just a suggestion. I hurt my back when I slammed into the median, but It was fine by then, and I wasn't going anywhere for my hand. The cop told me it wasn't my fault. He said my insurance should be able to take care of it. But see I don't have CA insurance, I have MN insurance, and if they want to frick me over, they can say I moved away from MN and they don't owe me squat. Even if they do pay out, it's blue book prices, which ain't much, on top of the 1000 I just laid out today. Plus I couldn't store my really expensive heap in the garage here because you can't move it with the bumper under the tire, so I had to have the tow guy take it where he said it'd be 170 bucks just to keep it till first thing monday.
I am so screwed right now. I'm so mad I'm shaking. I wrapped my hand in a t-shirt and shoved it through the window after several strikes before the guy loaded it up and after the cop went to the other people. Premeditated anger still felt good. The tow guy told me to calm down and loaded it up. He gave me a ride, it took us 1 and a half to get to my street. That's how close I was to home when the bit** died.
That car is all I had. I spent a grand fixing it because it's from Minnesota, with me. It's the only thing I've ever actually owned free and clear. Bought and paid for. I got into an accident a couple of years ago, and used that money to pay for it. The car before that I'd paid for, but it was in my mom's name and she wouldn't sign it over to me. This was my car. I fixed it because I loved that car. It was junk, I knew it, but it was mine. It was all I had. I can't explain it I don't think. All of my memories from the last two years are associated with it, all my friends have been in it, from MN and here. I've almost died tons of times with it, but it's never just died on me, it always pulled through. When she died two weeks ago, she still pulled through to the gas station, even tonight she almost made it home...I can tell she was really trying, it's not her fault where we died at. When I'm feeling really crappy and totalee alone, I had the car and I could take it out on the pasadena way road, look out over La and junk and listen to my music and calm down.
I can't stop shaking right now, every 3 words I have to go back and retype. I just so angry right now. I'm so screwed. My hand is throbbing and I don't frickin care. This one guy stopped when he was swearing at me, and rushed his car I wanted to just...I don't know. I'm just so pissed off right now. People are so frickin stupid. If I saw a guy in that predicament, I would have pulled BEHIND HIM, and put my flashers on. I mean, it was nice a couple cars pulled over, but they couldn't frickin help me, I can't ask a guy to put his car in jeapordy "Sir please get behind my car and put your flashers on" but I would have I feel pretty sure if it'd been on the other foot. That's the only thing that could have helped me. Me jumping up and down and screaming apparently wasn't enough, plus I almost got my legs crushed which also would not have been fun. He's coming at me and I'm jumping out of the way. I keep seeing that in my head over and over.
How many times in two weeks do people as a general rule have to piss me off, be stupid, and I get hurt in the process. This time though I except full responsibilty for my physical hurting, but not for morons lack of trying. I reiterate my hatred for most people.
I still can't get over the flashing lights...that's the stupidest thing in the world. That's for dusk, when it's time to switch over to remind a guy that his lights should be on because he can still see fine and just doesn't realize it. If it's pitch black and his lights are out, LET'S FRICKIN ASSUME HE KNOWS IT. I hate people sooo much. All I can smell right now is burnt rubber, I can't stop smelling that everywhere. Like 20 cars, and they were going so fast...they could see. Not well, but they could. On top of the other 200 that could see me well enough to flick me off. Plus I saw guys flashing thier lights at me from way far away. I would've seen me.
The guy had to be nice too, take away my righteous anger. I'm still pissed, but it's in general which means I can't even focus it as well. Stupid people. Stupid late cops and dumb operators.
I need my friends...there's someone else I want to talk to even more though. The only one who ever calms me down. Yeah, even now I'm thinking about her...so lame.
I think I have glass dust in my eye and it's painful. Durnit
I drive out to Lacey's, went out with her and Nicole, and Lia and Jake and Chuck, and Glen to Glen's b-day party, which was really cool.
I decided to come home a little earlier than I planned, for some reason. To get to my house you take the 605, to the 5, to the 101, to the 170, then it's a quarter of a mile from the 170/101 interchange to my house. Just before the 170 sign...my car cuts out, I'm in the fast lane...and can't get over cause I was doing 70, now 40, everyone else is still doing 70. Can't get over without getting hit. Nowhere to go on my side, I have to hug the median and that's all I can do. Stopped. On a major highway. In the FUCKING FAST LANE, and guess what, my battery is Dead, do you know what doesn't work when your FUCKING BATTERY DIES...any frickin guesses? Yeah, YOUR LIGHTS, which includes your FUCKING HAZARDS. Yeah, median, fast lane, no hazards, 1 am.
The first thing I did was call 911. 3 minutes of ringing to get a automated message, another 3 for an operator. She says she's sending a highway patrol. The whole time, every 15 seconds someone peels rubber inches from my car, then they swear at me and flick me off. Or they flash thier stupid lights. Tell me, What the fuck is the point of doing that? Like Oops, didn't have my lights on when I decided to park in the highway, my bad. MORON. Don't ever flash your fucking lights at me or I swear I will remove your will to live. A couple of mexican guys pull in front of me, no jumper cables, they spent 10 minutes trying to get me to get from behind my car where I'm waving and jumping and trying to present a target for people to miss. Finally I get worried that if I do get hit, so will they, so I run through 5 lanes to get to the other side. They leave, I go back. Called 911 4 more times, no operator. Every once in awhile several cars will have to line behind me trying to get into the next lane and I start to feel okay, then they're gone and it's dark again and all I see is cars coming at me. Standing behind my car waving at them, on hold with 911. 15 minutes I'm there before finally, finally a white car doing 80 comes at me and jump over it's tail as it knocks into my car. Literally it knocks me into the median as it demolishes my car. Demolishes it. MY bumper is tucked under my tire, the whole rear end is. My rear window SHATTERED. I can't even get mad at the guy, cause he hits his head, can barely stand, but tells me to get in his car so I don't get hit. As I do a van squeals to not hit him, gets into the second lane and a blue car does the same thing, stops just short, but the jeep behind it, didn't. That jeeps runs into the median scraping the side of the blue car and comes inches from me. 4 people in that car, 3 in the other. 15 minutes I'm there and my car is in one piece, 5 minutes after the jeeps swipes the blue car. The cops show up. I was actually on the phone with 911 as the car hit me. I described it to her, I'm like "no cars hit yet, but one will, hurry up..." "They're on thier way sir" "I'm trying to wave...shit here comes one...there it goes...it hit me" "The car hit you sir" "that's what I said...it's not over either...yep, two more cars just hit each other and I in a certain amount of pain right now and there's glass in my eye, thanks" Afterwards I could baredly put the phone down I was gripping it so hard. Everyone else is able to drive to the side. The cop has to steer my car, while the other cop pushes it to the side. The guy who hit me is all dazed but everyone else is fine. I'm just walking in circles screaming at my car. The cop thought I was crazy, I punched my passengers window so hard before the came to talk to me, my ring finger is throbbing right now. That pissed me off even more and I punched my side mirror off. I was just mad I couldn't break the window just by hitting it. The cop came to get my insurance card and had to pull me away from the window as i'm trying to kick it in. He felt sorry for me and didn't give me a ticket for not having a valid CA drivers license or having the car registered here. That didn't stop him from yelling at me about it, but I think he was mostly mad about the window thing. The other cop took me aside and told me not to go anywhere with the ambulance unless I was really messed up because they'd charge me like 500'000 dollars, but he told me it was just a suggestion. I hurt my back when I slammed into the median, but It was fine by then, and I wasn't going anywhere for my hand. The cop told me it wasn't my fault. He said my insurance should be able to take care of it. But see I don't have CA insurance, I have MN insurance, and if they want to frick me over, they can say I moved away from MN and they don't owe me squat. Even if they do pay out, it's blue book prices, which ain't much, on top of the 1000 I just laid out today. Plus I couldn't store my really expensive heap in the garage here because you can't move it with the bumper under the tire, so I had to have the tow guy take it where he said it'd be 170 bucks just to keep it till first thing monday.
I am so screwed right now. I'm so mad I'm shaking. I wrapped my hand in a t-shirt and shoved it through the window after several strikes before the guy loaded it up and after the cop went to the other people. Premeditated anger still felt good. The tow guy told me to calm down and loaded it up. He gave me a ride, it took us 1 and a half to get to my street. That's how close I was to home when the bit** died.
That car is all I had. I spent a grand fixing it because it's from Minnesota, with me. It's the only thing I've ever actually owned free and clear. Bought and paid for. I got into an accident a couple of years ago, and used that money to pay for it. The car before that I'd paid for, but it was in my mom's name and she wouldn't sign it over to me. This was my car. I fixed it because I loved that car. It was junk, I knew it, but it was mine. It was all I had. I can't explain it I don't think. All of my memories from the last two years are associated with it, all my friends have been in it, from MN and here. I've almost died tons of times with it, but it's never just died on me, it always pulled through. When she died two weeks ago, she still pulled through to the gas station, even tonight she almost made it home...I can tell she was really trying, it's not her fault where we died at. When I'm feeling really crappy and totalee alone, I had the car and I could take it out on the pasadena way road, look out over La and junk and listen to my music and calm down.
I can't stop shaking right now, every 3 words I have to go back and retype. I just so angry right now. I'm so screwed. My hand is throbbing and I don't frickin care. This one guy stopped when he was swearing at me, and rushed his car I wanted to just...I don't know. I'm just so pissed off right now. People are so frickin stupid. If I saw a guy in that predicament, I would have pulled BEHIND HIM, and put my flashers on. I mean, it was nice a couple cars pulled over, but they couldn't frickin help me, I can't ask a guy to put his car in jeapordy "Sir please get behind my car and put your flashers on" but I would have I feel pretty sure if it'd been on the other foot. That's the only thing that could have helped me. Me jumping up and down and screaming apparently wasn't enough, plus I almost got my legs crushed which also would not have been fun. He's coming at me and I'm jumping out of the way. I keep seeing that in my head over and over.
How many times in two weeks do people as a general rule have to piss me off, be stupid, and I get hurt in the process. This time though I except full responsibilty for my physical hurting, but not for morons lack of trying. I reiterate my hatred for most people.
I still can't get over the flashing lights...that's the stupidest thing in the world. That's for dusk, when it's time to switch over to remind a guy that his lights should be on because he can still see fine and just doesn't realize it. If it's pitch black and his lights are out, LET'S FRICKIN ASSUME HE KNOWS IT. I hate people sooo much. All I can smell right now is burnt rubber, I can't stop smelling that everywhere. Like 20 cars, and they were going so fast...they could see. Not well, but they could. On top of the other 200 that could see me well enough to flick me off. Plus I saw guys flashing thier lights at me from way far away. I would've seen me.
The guy had to be nice too, take away my righteous anger. I'm still pissed, but it's in general which means I can't even focus it as well. Stupid people. Stupid late cops and dumb operators.
I need my friends...there's someone else I want to talk to even more though. The only one who ever calms me down. Yeah, even now I'm thinking about her...so lame.
I think I have glass dust in my eye and it's painful. Durnit