(no subject)
the flood gates have opened. The first of us is now about to go. the flood gates in the sense that we will all sooner then later be swept out of medfield, and the sense that my emotions are no longer able to be held back.
Tonight started really really well, probably one of the best nights of the summer. the biggest gathering of wazoo yet this summer went to clide's for the first last supper, and to watch an epic display of ubsurdity (the ten gallon burger eating contest). J was soo close, it was incredible.
We returned back to his house and, all of a sudden, it set in. that feeling. A cocktail of dread, boredom and bitterness, that makes me moody and anxious, that makes you crave both solitude and companionship at the same time. I tried to play football to make it go away, and i controlled it pretty well even after the game... but then it slowly chewed away at my mind during the car ride to starbucks.
I dont know why there is the problem. its not just that a part of our lives is ending, Im genuinly excited for college. Nor is it a friend leaving, because I know we will still be friends when we return. And this is an old, old emotion. One that i have felt many times in my life, yet ive managed to escape for the second half of this senior year.
Its that misfit feeling. the one where I am confused for some reason, and confused as to why i am confused, so i get angry about the whole thing. not only that, but because I am around other people I start to think i am the only one like this, that i am isolated in my seemingly pointless anguish,therefore causing me to slip in deeper.
HA. I caught myself though. and i wrote it all down here, just to prove it. I know what the medicine is for it too. thats how i can tell I am maturing, i can diagnose the illness, and perscibe the antidote; I'll do a little art, just a few doodles, nothing serious. tomorrow I will take a bike ride while listening to a good album. possibly in the woods. Then, if there is still some more negativity, I will have to try and have a nice man talk with someone.
Tonight started really really well, probably one of the best nights of the summer. the biggest gathering of wazoo yet this summer went to clide's for the first last supper, and to watch an epic display of ubsurdity (the ten gallon burger eating contest). J was soo close, it was incredible.
We returned back to his house and, all of a sudden, it set in. that feeling. A cocktail of dread, boredom and bitterness, that makes me moody and anxious, that makes you crave both solitude and companionship at the same time. I tried to play football to make it go away, and i controlled it pretty well even after the game... but then it slowly chewed away at my mind during the car ride to starbucks.
I dont know why there is the problem. its not just that a part of our lives is ending, Im genuinly excited for college. Nor is it a friend leaving, because I know we will still be friends when we return. And this is an old, old emotion. One that i have felt many times in my life, yet ive managed to escape for the second half of this senior year.
Its that misfit feeling. the one where I am confused for some reason, and confused as to why i am confused, so i get angry about the whole thing. not only that, but because I am around other people I start to think i am the only one like this, that i am isolated in my seemingly pointless anguish,therefore causing me to slip in deeper.
HA. I caught myself though. and i wrote it all down here, just to prove it. I know what the medicine is for it too. thats how i can tell I am maturing, i can diagnose the illness, and perscibe the antidote; I'll do a little art, just a few doodles, nothing serious. tomorrow I will take a bike ride while listening to a good album. possibly in the woods. Then, if there is still some more negativity, I will have to try and have a nice man talk with someone.