8# God's Diary - You're not a mistake
8# God's Diary - You're not a mistake
You know, sometimes we really believe that we're mistakes.. we feel unworthy and useless.. , coz the world tells us that we are...
For all my life I thought I was a mistake and the worst thing that could have happen to my mother. Ehm...yeah I did.
You know my parents just were dating and after their first night my mom got pregnant..yay.. yep with me. I know my mom loved kids, her ex-best friend always told me how my mum cared for her adopted son and for my cousins, my mother loved children. My father already was divorced 3 times and had 2 children, so I think he wasn't that lucky about having another child. Actually this was my thinking all my life. They just got married because of me.. . I've often asked my mom, why have you done that? ...because I often thought it would have been better to grow up without my father, we had a very terrible relationship while back and I sometimes thought it would be better not to be alive than to be around him. Ouch, yes... sorry lord you know that already...
Nevertheless I always believed I was a mistake and coz of this I never really found my place in society. I felt always like I was different, and that this difference would be something absolutely bad..
I felt like not being loved and not being worth being loved. I refused people who tried to love me.
There happened a lot of anger and pain within the last years and sometimes I felt all alone, my parents tried hardly to be good parents. I really do know that, but because of their own family's backgrounds they were often not able to show me love, they cared, but they couldn't be emotional and sometimes they haven't recognized it when I actually needed them the most.
One thing that really was hurting me, was that neither my mother, nor my father came to my prom. When my mom asked for it I said that if you want to go there you can come, if not you don't need to.. Okay we had a stressful time because my grandma had strokes and my mother spend a lot of time in hospitals or at my grandparents home.
But you know, even thought me and my dad have not the best connection I wished he would come with me.. Even if he would have only come there to see how I get my A-Level certificate, but he refused to it. He haven't even took a photo of me in my prom-dress.. he was more used to watch the Swedish Royal wedding and he not even wished me a nice evening. Yes this was hurting and it was indeed the most painful thing, that everyone was around their parents and I was all alone.
Today I know it was kinda preparation, because I know I have to get more independent. I know my parents won't support my career and sometimes I'll need to struggle with this all by myself.
Yea ones might say: frustrating, haven't you told us something else in your other posts.
Yes I did and I like to quote 7# God's Diary
“ He has a certain plan for you, he knows already what your life could be like”
The only thing that matters to me right at this point of my life is this knowing. I know that I am at the right place in the right time.
Once while back a friend of mine wrote on her facebook status:
“IF GOD BRINGS YOU TO IT, HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT”
This sentence has become so real to my during my A Levels, I wasn't a really good student and sometimes the only thing to get along was to pray. All by myself I couldn't have get done with it.
I'm not right at the time to accept completely that I am not a mistake, but I keep on learning.
There is a reason for me and for you being on earth and there is a wonderful plan.
It is sometimes hard, but every situation and everything will make sense in the end. We don't know it by now, but it does. God is real, god love is real and he is offering himself to you. You were on his mind before the construction of our earth.. so you are definitely not a mistake =) He wants you and he loves you =)
It's okay being sad sometimes, but hope is rising =) and there'll be joy again
You know, sometimes we really believe that we're mistakes.. we feel unworthy and useless.. , coz the world tells us that we are...
For all my life I thought I was a mistake and the worst thing that could have happen to my mother. Ehm...yeah I did.
You know my parents just were dating and after their first night my mom got pregnant..yay.. yep with me. I know my mom loved kids, her ex-best friend always told me how my mum cared for her adopted son and for my cousins, my mother loved children. My father already was divorced 3 times and had 2 children, so I think he wasn't that lucky about having another child. Actually this was my thinking all my life. They just got married because of me.. . I've often asked my mom, why have you done that? ...because I often thought it would have been better to grow up without my father, we had a very terrible relationship while back and I sometimes thought it would be better not to be alive than to be around him. Ouch, yes... sorry lord you know that already...
Nevertheless I always believed I was a mistake and coz of this I never really found my place in society. I felt always like I was different, and that this difference would be something absolutely bad..
I felt like not being loved and not being worth being loved. I refused people who tried to love me.
There happened a lot of anger and pain within the last years and sometimes I felt all alone, my parents tried hardly to be good parents. I really do know that, but because of their own family's backgrounds they were often not able to show me love, they cared, but they couldn't be emotional and sometimes they haven't recognized it when I actually needed them the most.
One thing that really was hurting me, was that neither my mother, nor my father came to my prom. When my mom asked for it I said that if you want to go there you can come, if not you don't need to.. Okay we had a stressful time because my grandma had strokes and my mother spend a lot of time in hospitals or at my grandparents home.
But you know, even thought me and my dad have not the best connection I wished he would come with me.. Even if he would have only come there to see how I get my A-Level certificate, but he refused to it. He haven't even took a photo of me in my prom-dress.. he was more used to watch the Swedish Royal wedding and he not even wished me a nice evening. Yes this was hurting and it was indeed the most painful thing, that everyone was around their parents and I was all alone.
Today I know it was kinda preparation, because I know I have to get more independent. I know my parents won't support my career and sometimes I'll need to struggle with this all by myself.
Yea ones might say: frustrating, haven't you told us something else in your other posts.
Yes I did and I like to quote 7# God's Diary
“ He has a certain plan for you, he knows already what your life could be like”
The only thing that matters to me right at this point of my life is this knowing. I know that I am at the right place in the right time.
Once while back a friend of mine wrote on her facebook status:
“IF GOD BRINGS YOU TO IT, HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT”
This sentence has become so real to my during my A Levels, I wasn't a really good student and sometimes the only thing to get along was to pray. All by myself I couldn't have get done with it.
I'm not right at the time to accept completely that I am not a mistake, but I keep on learning.
There is a reason for me and for you being on earth and there is a wonderful plan.
It is sometimes hard, but every situation and everything will make sense in the end. We don't know it by now, but it does. God is real, god love is real and he is offering himself to you. You were on his mind before the construction of our earth.. so you are definitely not a mistake =) He wants you and he loves you =)
It's okay being sad sometimes, but hope is rising =) and there'll be joy again