Pro-Dommes and Society
One of the more polarizing aspects of the BDSM community is the existence of Professional Dom/mes. There are those that have absolutely no issue with people who will offer their abilities to wield paddles, canes, or enact scenes of Dominance/Submission with those that are willing to pay for such services. Then there are those that equate Pro-Dommes with prostitutes, saying that they are taking advantage of people and their money for something they could probably get faily easily if they bothered to go look.
I think that comparing a Pro-Domme with a prostitute is grossly unfair, with the most telling difference being that a Pro-Domme worth her salt (or his, although male Professional Doms seem to be in a serious minority) will not have sex with a client. This is for first legal reasons, keeping the acts of Domination seperate from sex means they are NOT prostitutes as the law defines such, and also for social reasons, as they do not wish to be equated with a prostitute. Yet one will hear "there is no essential difference -- you are both exploiting a need for money."
If exploiting a talent is the essential act of prostituion, then I'd say we are all prostitutues in some way. Some people can fix cars, some can program computer systems, some can teach, some can make amazing graphics for clients, and some can hit pretty damn well, and know how to play a scene out tailored to the desires of a customer. Are my hair stylist or nail tech "prostitutes" because they do great work that satisfies my desires for pretty hair and nails? No, certaily not.
As I take a libertarian (small "L") view of human society, I'm not very concerned about acts of prostitution themselves, as long there is consent from the person selling sex for money -- which is why I'm also not an advocate of unregulated streetwalking, as many women are targeted by pimps and exploited. I'd rather have prostitution in a regulated whorehouse than on the street. Since I'm a libertarian on this issue, it should be unsurprising that I am also of a libertarian bent on professional domination.
There are people who have desires to be dominated, or to have some kinky fantasy played out, but do not wish to enter the lifestyle, go to clubs or BDSM meetings. They just want to have a scene, and they are more than willing to pay a Pro-Domme to do that scene for them. And there are mostly women, and some men, who are very happy to use the plethora of toys and goodies they have bought over the years, as well as their experience of how BDSM scenes go, to make those dreams come true.
As an example, Sanctuary Studios, run by Mistress Cyan and the site for DomConLA play parties, is a Pro-Domme shop, with both Dommes and submissves that will work on an hourly basis for people that want a play scene as a Bottom or a Top. Their rates are $75 for fifteen minutes, $200 for an hour, or $700 for four hours (holy cow!) After saying what they will do, they put this important disclaimer on their site:
"We do not do any golden or brown showers, (no body fluids of ANY kind are exchanged), no pathogen play, we do not do any extreme Breath Play, such as choking, asphyxiation or carotid play. There is no strapon play and absolutely no penetration or oral/genital contact, and for sure, absolutely no sex or other illegal activity."
This obviously clearly states that Sanctuary is not a den of sexual content, and one cannot go there to hire a Pro-Domme or Sub and expect to have sex. This keeps them from running afoul of the law, as well as clearly deliniating what it is they do there for potential customers and the community.
So why would a person go to a Pro-Domme? I can think of a few valid reasons:
1. They are not interested in the "scene" as a lifestyle or a kinkster per se, but simply want to enact a kinky desire once in a while. So people with discretionary spending money are willing to pay to get what they want on a per diem basis, and not have to deal with all the social exchange necessary to get this done.
2. There are also people that are socially shy or awkward, and would utterly freak out at the thought of going to a club, meeting people, expressing their desires, and actually asking to be spanked or to cane a person. Having a Pro Domme or Sub available allows them to get their kink rolling in a profesional environment, without having to deal with their personal issues.
3. Some people may want something a bit "out of the ordinary" and might not be able to find a person who would be willing to do this with them. With a Pro, if you have money, and they have the ability, you get what you want.
I'm sure there are many other reasons, but I think these show that there are very valid reasons for Pro-Dommes in the BDSM community.
I wonder if one of the real reasons some kinksters have serious issues with Pros is that a feeling of "protectionism" about the lifestyle. By this I mean, while it's a lot easier today to find kinksters and kinky places than it was 20 years ago, there are still some hoops to go though, and the kink community sees itself as a group outside the mainstream. Is it that Pros bring in anyone and do what we do with them for money that cheapens it in the eyes of some kinksters? Perhaps some feel that the "unwashed masses" shouldn't have access to kink, that they should have to go through the steps of finding a community, going through some trial phase, and only then be allowed to be part of it?
I'd be interested to see what others think of Pros (both Dom/mes and Subs) and their "democratizing" the world of kink to the potentially uninitiated. Is it as bad as the critics of Pro-Domming make it out to be, or is it not a big deal, and if a person doesn't like a Pro, they should pay for one? Thoughts?