(no subject)
Tomorrow will be a week that I've been a mother. Its not so bad I guess, but then again I'm only just beginning. Their personalities are so very different. Noah is always active and "talking", while Levi cries only when he's being changed or hungry and the rest of the time he just stares. Levi looks more like I did as an infant and Noah is Roberts spitting image.
I don't know if its the baby blues or actual regret but late at night I keep replaying memories of Robert and I. I used to get so excited for the weekend to come so he could whisk me away or how he would really try to do whatever he could to please me. I just don't understand how that sweet person in Fall was the same person who came after me in the Summer? I think if he was really trying to get better, I'd go back but the lack of progress is very disappointing and heartbreaking. Sometimes though, when we have to communicate on issues with the boys, I see a glimmer of the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. How can one year be so perfect and the next be so different and stressful? I guess that's life though, just one giant fucking rollercoaster.
I don't know if its the baby blues or actual regret but late at night I keep replaying memories of Robert and I. I used to get so excited for the weekend to come so he could whisk me away or how he would really try to do whatever he could to please me. I just don't understand how that sweet person in Fall was the same person who came after me in the Summer? I think if he was really trying to get better, I'd go back but the lack of progress is very disappointing and heartbreaking. Sometimes though, when we have to communicate on issues with the boys, I see a glimmer of the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. How can one year be so perfect and the next be so different and stressful? I guess that's life though, just one giant fucking rollercoaster.