(no subject)
So I am on the airplane back to school and I figured this is as good a time as any to write. I mean, I can’t remember how long it has been since I’ve updated this thing. For the most part I use it to check my friend’s journals.
Break was interesting. I wasn’t excited to be going back home this time. Thanksgiving I was really ready for the chance to see people and to bum around and not have a whole lot to do. This time, though, I had only been away from home for 3 weeks and not 3 months, and going home just didn’t sound like fun. At first, I wasn’t used to being there. I felt uncomfortable and ready to go back to school. But I slowly adjusted to now, where I feel rather indifferent to going back to school. I think if I had been around longer after everyone left it really would have made me want to be back at school too, but I kept busy for the few days that most people had gone back to school so I was able to keep my mind off of things.
I didn’t get to see all the people that I wanted to see. Kelly comes to mind, but I am sure there are others that I missed. I am sorry if this is the case, you will have to track me down when I come home in March with my roommate, Mallorie.
I have already grown so accustomed to Mallorie being in the room with me that at times over break I would be in my room and just start talking, expecting there to be someone else to listen. Because I am used to always having someone around me now, when I was home I stayed around people as often as possible. Otherwise it feels lonely.
I’m nervous about the whole rush thing. I mean, I wasn’t until yesterday when I was shopping with my mom. She kept trying to get me to buy things I didn’t want to wear because she is convinced that I will have to change completely in order to get a bid. I guess she’s trying to protect me, make sure that I don’t get hurt or let down but it made me more worried that I was before. She kept talking about how cut throat and superficial the whole process will be, and how I have to conform to what is expected of me. I understand where she is coming from, but it felt like she was telling me I wasn’t good enough and that I should change my appearance so that people will like me. That’s the kind of things girls are supposed to beat themselves up with, not be told by their mothers. Whatever, either rushing will work out for me or it won’t. I’ve accepted the fact that I won’t be invited back to certain houses but why would I want to be a sister in a house that doesn’t want me or where I don’t fit anyways? Now I remember why I thought this whole thing was pretty dumb before I got to Vandy. Maybe I am getting too caught up in all of this and that it’s not going to be something that I want to do. At least I’m trying?
Break was interesting. I wasn’t excited to be going back home this time. Thanksgiving I was really ready for the chance to see people and to bum around and not have a whole lot to do. This time, though, I had only been away from home for 3 weeks and not 3 months, and going home just didn’t sound like fun. At first, I wasn’t used to being there. I felt uncomfortable and ready to go back to school. But I slowly adjusted to now, where I feel rather indifferent to going back to school. I think if I had been around longer after everyone left it really would have made me want to be back at school too, but I kept busy for the few days that most people had gone back to school so I was able to keep my mind off of things.
I didn’t get to see all the people that I wanted to see. Kelly comes to mind, but I am sure there are others that I missed. I am sorry if this is the case, you will have to track me down when I come home in March with my roommate, Mallorie.
I have already grown so accustomed to Mallorie being in the room with me that at times over break I would be in my room and just start talking, expecting there to be someone else to listen. Because I am used to always having someone around me now, when I was home I stayed around people as often as possible. Otherwise it feels lonely.
I’m nervous about the whole rush thing. I mean, I wasn’t until yesterday when I was shopping with my mom. She kept trying to get me to buy things I didn’t want to wear because she is convinced that I will have to change completely in order to get a bid. I guess she’s trying to protect me, make sure that I don’t get hurt or let down but it made me more worried that I was before. She kept talking about how cut throat and superficial the whole process will be, and how I have to conform to what is expected of me. I understand where she is coming from, but it felt like she was telling me I wasn’t good enough and that I should change my appearance so that people will like me. That’s the kind of things girls are supposed to beat themselves up with, not be told by their mothers. Whatever, either rushing will work out for me or it won’t. I’ve accepted the fact that I won’t be invited back to certain houses but why would I want to be a sister in a house that doesn’t want me or where I don’t fit anyways? Now I remember why I thought this whole thing was pretty dumb before I got to Vandy. Maybe I am getting too caught up in all of this and that it’s not going to be something that I want to do. At least I’m trying?