Friends in Japan
Over the last two years I have learned to be extra choosy when it comes to who I hang out with here in Japan because it is way too easy to be sucked into "friendships" that are based solely on the other person wanting free English practice. One guy in particular used to ask me relentlessly to teach him English and when I explained that I already had a job and wasn't sure I was even allowed by my contract to teach private English lessons, his response was "well, we can have dinner once a week or so and I will pay and we can speak English." Uh, no dude that is not cool. He would send me these emails that said "Hey I need to practice my English so let's have dinner this week."
It was super annoying and finally I had to be super blunt and even then it was still a problem until he finally decided that he "needed a break." He acted like we were breaking up or something but it turned out to be the best possible situation even though he acts completely weird the few times I have run into him around town since then. I remember being super confused and irritated that someone would so blatantly use me just for free English practice and then dump me when I didn't comply with his wishes. Obviously he is just strange and I wish I could say he was an exception except that he's not.
I have another friend "Sue" who used to bug me to give her English lessons and sometimes if we meet for dinner alone then she brings along her notebook and she writes some of the things I say down in it. It's still weird but we have enough in common - singing, swimming, we hang out with the same people - that I think if I only spoke Japanese she would still want to be my friend.
Don't get me wrong. I totally appreciate people who can speak English because it makes my life easier. It's just when someone is only interested in talking to me because I speak English that I get annoyed. I am an interesting and fun person and I want to be around people who are also fun and interesting and share common interests. People whose relationships with me transcend the language barrier. Like my friend Saori who is just fun to be with despite her poor English and my poor Japanese. Or my friend Marie who lets me teach her to be more like a rude American rather than a super polite Japanese girl, but more importantly who I can talk to for three to four hours at a time. These are the kind of people who I will want to stay in touch with even after I leave Japan.
Anyway, so this weekend I went to a party and I chatted with this guy from a few towns over and it was fun. Nothing serious, just me and him and my friend Marie goofing off, but at the end of the night he asked me for my email and if he could add me on facebook. I said sure and gave him my card. I got an email from him yesterday saying he was glad to meet me and thanks for accepting his friend request on FB and then..."I've been wanting some foreigner friends so I was very happy to meet you."
WTF!
Who says that? I mean really. If I were in the States that would be the equivalent of me saying, "Hey you're black! I've been wanting some more black friends!" Or something like that. It's annoying as hell and he's only staying on my facebook friend list until I leave in the summer and then he's coming off. It could have been an innocent comment but the fact of the matter is that I'm leaving in six months and he doesn't live in Tahara so I don't see myself making the effort to get to know him better in case it does just turn out he wants free English lessons. I'd rather spend the time with the friends that I know like me for me.
Ugh. I miss the best friend, my roommate, writerly friend, and ksutt7711. I miss my sisters. I miss my mom and dad. I miss my church family.
I will miss people like Marie, Saori, and Sue when I leave Japan but I will not miss the mistrust that comes at the beginning of any relationship wondering if I am just free English practice to someone.
It was super annoying and finally I had to be super blunt and even then it was still a problem until he finally decided that he "needed a break." He acted like we were breaking up or something but it turned out to be the best possible situation even though he acts completely weird the few times I have run into him around town since then. I remember being super confused and irritated that someone would so blatantly use me just for free English practice and then dump me when I didn't comply with his wishes. Obviously he is just strange and I wish I could say he was an exception except that he's not.
I have another friend "Sue" who used to bug me to give her English lessons and sometimes if we meet for dinner alone then she brings along her notebook and she writes some of the things I say down in it. It's still weird but we have enough in common - singing, swimming, we hang out with the same people - that I think if I only spoke Japanese she would still want to be my friend.
Don't get me wrong. I totally appreciate people who can speak English because it makes my life easier. It's just when someone is only interested in talking to me because I speak English that I get annoyed. I am an interesting and fun person and I want to be around people who are also fun and interesting and share common interests. People whose relationships with me transcend the language barrier. Like my friend Saori who is just fun to be with despite her poor English and my poor Japanese. Or my friend Marie who lets me teach her to be more like a rude American rather than a super polite Japanese girl, but more importantly who I can talk to for three to four hours at a time. These are the kind of people who I will want to stay in touch with even after I leave Japan.
Anyway, so this weekend I went to a party and I chatted with this guy from a few towns over and it was fun. Nothing serious, just me and him and my friend Marie goofing off, but at the end of the night he asked me for my email and if he could add me on facebook. I said sure and gave him my card. I got an email from him yesterday saying he was glad to meet me and thanks for accepting his friend request on FB and then..."I've been wanting some foreigner friends so I was very happy to meet you."
WTF!
Who says that? I mean really. If I were in the States that would be the equivalent of me saying, "Hey you're black! I've been wanting some more black friends!" Or something like that. It's annoying as hell and he's only staying on my facebook friend list until I leave in the summer and then he's coming off. It could have been an innocent comment but the fact of the matter is that I'm leaving in six months and he doesn't live in Tahara so I don't see myself making the effort to get to know him better in case it does just turn out he wants free English lessons. I'd rather spend the time with the friends that I know like me for me.
Ugh. I miss the best friend, my roommate, writerly friend, and ksutt7711. I miss my sisters. I miss my mom and dad. I miss my church family.
I will miss people like Marie, Saori, and Sue when I leave Japan but I will not miss the mistrust that comes at the beginning of any relationship wondering if I am just free English practice to someone.