I need to stop reading Romances.
Once Upon A Time by Marylyle Rogers.
Once Upon a Time was the first non-Harlequin romance novel I ever read. As a 12-year-old I was utterly amazed at the prettiness of this book, the people in it, and yeah, the sex. It is about Lady Amethyst Danton (she has a brother named Garnet and even at 12 I thought he should've shot their parents), who kind of stumbles into the faery realms by falling asleep in a fairy ring and meets the King of the Tuatha De Danann, Comlan. He's slightly bitter about humans because a few centuries back his sister fell in love with one and gave up her immortality to marry... Actually his whole family is suspiciously like a bad fan-fic version of the Peredhel. He has a younger (possibly twin, but it's never mentioned) brother, and then the much-beloved and much-mourned beautiful younger sister, oh and a Powerful Grandma who he inherited the throne from. No mention of parents, who I assume went where every Fairytale Parent goes: Land of Deadness.
The fairy ring was formed when Lissan let go of her immortality and is now all that remains of her. Emo!
Anyway, Amy wakes up to find it's a dream and then she sees him back in London because he's in Human World on business (there's a kind of nifty family connection- Amy's great-aunt is sort of Comlan's charge/ward thing...).
And she's brunette and gorgeous and he's blond and sexy and everyone is drooling over them both, except she doesn't notice this because she's insecure about being brunette when everyone knows blondes are in. Seriously, I never knew that having the wrong hair color was so OMG so awful. I mean, she's lithe/winsome/porcelain-skinned/graceful/etc. Heck, it's a wonder anyone ever notices the hair. But hey, she's a Mary Sue, so she has to have a fault, and so hair color it is.
Okay, so as a romance novel and such, it isn't bad. It's not jaw-dropping wonderous like my 12-year-old self perceived, but it's not bad... until the end. I must say that the solution the author came up with to make a happy-ever-after... yeah. TEH lamez. Either Comlan's kid sister wasn't the brightest faery in the land or someone forced the writer to tack that ending on. Because I will not believe that anyone canny enough to land a publishing contract would tack that kind of dumb ending onto a perfectly acceptable if somewhat rote tale. Maybe Arwen Lissan was just a bit slow.
No, what really annoyed me about this book is when I picked up the sequels, which I had laying around and didn't remember much about. I must have blocked them out of my memory. I wish they were still blocked.
The first sequel, Happily Ever After, is about Comlan and Amy's kid Lissan (named for Comlan's lost sister). Now, this is not bad as a stand-alone. You'd just have to have somewhat of a back story to start with, and it would work. She goes traipsing counter-clockwise around Ye Olde Fairy Ring of Lissan I, and falls through time instead of into Faery Land because if you fall asleep in the Ring you get to Faery but if you walk around it counter-clockwise it turns into a time-turner... FairyRingTimeMachine! ...
Of course it drops her into the middle of some medieval battle, where she promptly gets slaughtered by a broadsword. Well, she would have except the magickal faery amulet Amy pinned on Lissan (just before going off to do the Faery Ring Time Warp) keeps her from getting butchered. Somehow, one girl not getting kebobed attracts the attention of a full army mid-combat...and before you know it people are going on about the White Witch and the Lord of the Manor gets cranky. Poor Lissan, all she wanted to to was find her parents. But they're off doing the Time Warp again...
What annoyed me on this one was that Comlan and Amy apparently got personality transplants when they got back to Faery Land. And not for the better. But, you know, parenting can change people and I'm sure once more being the King of Everything can have adverse ego effects... Oh and Lissan 2. She annoys me as well. Comlan, thy kidlet is a brat. Just cause she looks like your dead sister doesn't mean you have to let her be Cordelia Chase in a corset. Where went the Comlan from the last book? The Comlan who would have taken one look at his daughter standing in the middle of some god-forsaken medieval daub hut landscape and thrown a terrifying fit before grabbing her by the scruff of the neck and hauling her off to Faeryland. Or 19th Century London. Or wherever. Nope. We have Pod!Comlan who goes "Oh fine, dear, stay and play in the mud, but I'm NOT telling your mother. Try not to catch the Plague. Toodles."
Then came the second sequel, Long Ago and Far Away. The personality-swaps continue. This time it's Lissan II and Rory. The book is about his illegitimate-kid-who-isn't-his-but-he-is-noble-so-he-raised-her-anyway, who is called... Hildie. Beause that's a fine medieval name. And Rory, who was all for the whole marry-for-love bit and such... has decided the Illegitmate Not!His kid is going to have a particularly icky arranged marriage. Lissan has apparently fallen victim to some form of Medieval Stepford Lobotamy and agrees.
And because she's somehow descended from Lissan1, Comlan took an interest in her. Perhaps thinking that since Lissan2 was a dead loss maybe this one would be a good replacement. She got a nifty pet fox and a faery guardian Kieran, who is a registered hottie. Kieran is sworn to protect her and therefore totally not allowed to fall in love with her. Anybody care to guess where this one goes? Yep. Cue Danger-To-Faeryworld! and Danger-To-Human-World! And throw in some ancient grudges for good measure, and only Hildie can save the day. Because she's 1/111003432th Tuatha, or something.
Now, again, this one is not awful. Kinda simplistic and a little sappy, with occasional outright stupidity, but not horrid. ...
At least, it isn't until somewhere 2/3 through the book. And then ALL traces of editing disappear. Typos abound. Not only small ones, either. I can handle a mixed up letter or some iffy punctuation. No, we're talking about full-out typos. For a page, while they're lost in caves in FaeryWorld, Kieran and the narrative refer to Hildie as Lissan. Thankfully they aren't having sex at that point, but still.
Then there's another point where she calls him Rory. Or someone does. I don't know. Names start getting so mixed up that by this time I was lost as to who was actually who.
There was a lot of potential with the idea of a faery clan and human involvement and half-faeries and time travel. sigh. Too bad someone couldn't have proof read it. It's a further shame that the characters couldn't be recognizable from one book to the next. Maybe someone else will like it, but as for me, I'm staying far away from any other series by Marylyle. She has talent- I still like Comlan. He was fun.
I'm mildly curious about reading the story of Lissan someday, but I doubt I ever will. For one thing, having read Comlan and Amy's story, it will probably all just make my brain hurt. Sigh. Besides, in the end? She dies. And her brothers get bitter. And then one falls for a human and finds a way to live with her forever all young and happily ever after. And Lissan got old and died and didn't have to, just because she didn't think for five minutes longer. And no one thinks to time-turn far enough back to tell her how to do it. There' s love for ya.
Once Upon a Time was the first non-Harlequin romance novel I ever read. As a 12-year-old I was utterly amazed at the prettiness of this book, the people in it, and yeah, the sex. It is about Lady Amethyst Danton (she has a brother named Garnet and even at 12 I thought he should've shot their parents), who kind of stumbles into the faery realms by falling asleep in a fairy ring and meets the King of the Tuatha De Danann, Comlan. He's slightly bitter about humans because a few centuries back his sister fell in love with one and gave up her immortality to marry... Actually his whole family is suspiciously like a bad fan-fic version of the Peredhel. He has a younger (possibly twin, but it's never mentioned) brother, and then the much-beloved and much-mourned beautiful younger sister, oh and a Powerful Grandma who he inherited the throne from. No mention of parents, who I assume went where every Fairytale Parent goes: Land of Deadness.
The fairy ring was formed when Lissan let go of her immortality and is now all that remains of her. Emo!
Anyway, Amy wakes up to find it's a dream and then she sees him back in London because he's in Human World on business (there's a kind of nifty family connection- Amy's great-aunt is sort of Comlan's charge/ward thing...).
And she's brunette and gorgeous and he's blond and sexy and everyone is drooling over them both, except she doesn't notice this because she's insecure about being brunette when everyone knows blondes are in. Seriously, I never knew that having the wrong hair color was so OMG so awful. I mean, she's lithe/winsome/porcelain-skinned/graceful/etc. Heck, it's a wonder anyone ever notices the hair. But hey, she's a Mary Sue, so she has to have a fault, and so hair color it is.
Okay, so as a romance novel and such, it isn't bad. It's not jaw-dropping wonderous like my 12-year-old self perceived, but it's not bad... until the end. I must say that the solution the author came up with to make a happy-ever-after... yeah. TEH lamez. Either Comlan's kid sister wasn't the brightest faery in the land or someone forced the writer to tack that ending on. Because I will not believe that anyone canny enough to land a publishing contract would tack that kind of dumb ending onto a perfectly acceptable if somewhat rote tale. Maybe Arwen Lissan was just a bit slow.
No, what really annoyed me about this book is when I picked up the sequels, which I had laying around and didn't remember much about. I must have blocked them out of my memory. I wish they were still blocked.
The first sequel, Happily Ever After, is about Comlan and Amy's kid Lissan (named for Comlan's lost sister). Now, this is not bad as a stand-alone. You'd just have to have somewhat of a back story to start with, and it would work. She goes traipsing counter-clockwise around Ye Olde Fairy Ring of Lissan I, and falls through time instead of into Faery Land because if you fall asleep in the Ring you get to Faery but if you walk around it counter-clockwise it turns into a time-turner... FairyRingTimeMachine! ...
Of course it drops her into the middle of some medieval battle, where she promptly gets slaughtered by a broadsword. Well, she would have except the magickal faery amulet Amy pinned on Lissan (just before going off to do the Faery Ring Time Warp) keeps her from getting butchered. Somehow, one girl not getting kebobed attracts the attention of a full army mid-combat...and before you know it people are going on about the White Witch and the Lord of the Manor gets cranky. Poor Lissan, all she wanted to to was find her parents. But they're off doing the Time Warp again...
What annoyed me on this one was that Comlan and Amy apparently got personality transplants when they got back to Faery Land. And not for the better. But, you know, parenting can change people and I'm sure once more being the King of Everything can have adverse ego effects... Oh and Lissan 2. She annoys me as well. Comlan, thy kidlet is a brat. Just cause she looks like your dead sister doesn't mean you have to let her be Cordelia Chase in a corset. Where went the Comlan from the last book? The Comlan who would have taken one look at his daughter standing in the middle of some god-forsaken medieval daub hut landscape and thrown a terrifying fit before grabbing her by the scruff of the neck and hauling her off to Faeryland. Or 19th Century London. Or wherever. Nope. We have Pod!Comlan who goes "Oh fine, dear, stay and play in the mud, but I'm NOT telling your mother. Try not to catch the Plague. Toodles."
Then came the second sequel, Long Ago and Far Away. The personality-swaps continue. This time it's Lissan II and Rory. The book is about his illegitimate-kid-who-isn't-his-but-he-is-noble-so-he-raised-her-anyway, who is called... Hildie. Beause that's a fine medieval name. And Rory, who was all for the whole marry-for-love bit and such... has decided the Illegitmate Not!His kid is going to have a particularly icky arranged marriage. Lissan has apparently fallen victim to some form of Medieval Stepford Lobotamy and agrees.
And because she's somehow descended from Lissan1, Comlan took an interest in her. Perhaps thinking that since Lissan2 was a dead loss maybe this one would be a good replacement. She got a nifty pet fox and a faery guardian Kieran, who is a registered hottie. Kieran is sworn to protect her and therefore totally not allowed to fall in love with her. Anybody care to guess where this one goes? Yep. Cue Danger-To-Faeryworld! and Danger-To-Human-World! And throw in some ancient grudges for good measure, and only Hildie can save the day. Because she's 1/111003432th Tuatha, or something.
Now, again, this one is not awful. Kinda simplistic and a little sappy, with occasional outright stupidity, but not horrid. ...
At least, it isn't until somewhere 2/3 through the book. And then ALL traces of editing disappear. Typos abound. Not only small ones, either. I can handle a mixed up letter or some iffy punctuation. No, we're talking about full-out typos. For a page, while they're lost in caves in FaeryWorld, Kieran and the narrative refer to Hildie as Lissan. Thankfully they aren't having sex at that point, but still.
Then there's another point where she calls him Rory. Or someone does. I don't know. Names start getting so mixed up that by this time I was lost as to who was actually who.
There was a lot of potential with the idea of a faery clan and human involvement and half-faeries and time travel. sigh. Too bad someone couldn't have proof read it. It's a further shame that the characters couldn't be recognizable from one book to the next. Maybe someone else will like it, but as for me, I'm staying far away from any other series by Marylyle. She has talent- I still like Comlan. He was fun.
I'm mildly curious about reading the story of Lissan someday, but I doubt I ever will. For one thing, having read Comlan and Amy's story, it will probably all just make my brain hurt. Sigh. Besides, in the end? She dies. And her brothers get bitter. And then one falls for a human and finds a way to live with her forever all young and happily ever after. And Lissan got old and died and didn't have to, just because she didn't think for five minutes longer. And no one thinks to time-turn far enough back to tell her how to do it. There' s love for ya.