Top of the World ch 20
Title: Top of the World
Chapter: 20
Rating:
Shy & Coy - For those chapters/parts of a fic that are buliding up to the action, and dealing with storyline, but do not have anything remotely sexual involed.
Paring: Molsdal
Summary:“Brian, look at me.” Steve said grabbing Brian’s arm. Brian turned his head away, trying to hide the tears that were quickly forming. “Look at me.” Careful not to hurt the smaller man, Steve pulled Brian around so that he was forced to face him. Steve put his hands on either side of Brian’s face, looking into his wide eyes. Brian blinked and several tears tumbled down his cheeks. “Sweetheart, it’s not forever.” Steve soothed, perplexed at the overly dramatic reaction.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I’ve never met, spoken with, or shagged any of the members of Placebo. Any other characters beyond them belong to me. Mwahahahahahahahah*cough*hahahaha
Chapter 1: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/31397.html#cutid1
Chapter 2: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/33459.html#cutid1
Chapter 3: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/34428.html#cutid1
Chapter 4: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/35635.html#cutid1
Chapter 5: http://community.livejournal.com/suckerlove_/550378.html
Chapter 6: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/39952.html#cutid1
Chapter 7: http://community.livejournal.com/suckerlove_/565708.html#cutid1
Chapter 8: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/45913.html#cutid1
Chapter 9: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/702.html
Chapter 10: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/1291.html#cutid1
Chapter 11: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/1567.html#cutid1
Chapter 12: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/1814.html#cutid1
Chapter 13: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/3928.html#cutid1
Chapter 14: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/6286.html#cutid1
Chapter 15: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/6651.html#cutid1
Chapter 16: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/6767.html#cutid1
Chapter 17: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/7106.html#cutid1
Chapter 18: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/7203.html#cutid2
Chapter 19: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/7634.html#cutid2
Wrinkling his nose, Steve came into the living room where Brian was munching on his toast, settled comfortably on top of the counter. “Here’s your dress, Bri.” Steve held up the newly washed garment, and then folded it, placing it gently over the back of the couch.
“Thanks.” Brian managed through a mouthful of toast. Steve didn’t respond, letting his fingers slide over the cool material of Brian’s dress. Brian cocked his head to one side. Judging by the absence of Steve’s usual screeching at him to get off the counter, he knew something was up. “What’s wrong?” He asked, swallowing his latest bite. Steve sighed, running a hand through his unkempt hair. Brian blinked once, pulling the toast away from his mouth. “Steve?”
“Bri-erm-remember last night I told you someone wanted me to sit in for them?” Brian nodded slowly, not liking where the topic was leading them. “Well-that wasn’t the full truth-I mean they do want me to sit in-but-on tour…” He trailed off, trying to gauge Brian’s reaction. The guitarist’s lips parted slightly, and the toast fell from his fingers, landing butter-side down on the linoleum.
“You’re leaving?” Brian whispered horrified.
“Not permanently, Molks.” Steve reasoned, coming to stand by the counter.
“How long?” Steve scratched his ear and muttered something unintelligible.
“What?”
“Well it hasn’t really been confirmed yet-”
“How long?” Brian demanded, trying to keep his voice steady, but failing miserably. Steve sighed again.
“Till next September.” Brian blanched.
“That’s a fucking year and a half!” He croaked. Steve tried to take Brian’s buttery hand, but Brian wrenched it away, leaping off the counter.
“Bri,” Steve pressed, his voice pained. “Bri, it’s not so long-I promise I’ll call and-I’ll be back for a month or so over Christmas-” He felt his heart break as Brian turned his back, refusing to look him in the eye. “Molks please-”
“Don’t Steve.” Brian cut him short, voice quavering. Staring at the wall as if it might tell him what to say, Brian swallowed.
“Brian, look at me.” Steve said grabbing Brian’s arm. Brian turned his head away, trying to hide the tears that were quickly forming. “Look at me.” Careful not to hurt the smaller man, Steve pulled Brian around so that he was forced to face him. Steve put his hands on either side of Brian’s face, looking into his wide eyes. “Sweetheart, it’s not forever.” Steve soothed, perplexed at the overly dramatic reaction. Brian wrenched away again, hugging his arms to his chest.
Steve sighed and pulled Brian backwards into a hug. “I promise everything will be ok while I’m gone, Bri.” Steve breathed into Brian’s ear. The guitarist squirmed uncomfortably, but Steve refused to let go. “Did you hear me, Brian?”
“Yes.” Brian snapped crossly. “And you’re fucking squishing me! I can’t breathe.” Sighing heavily, Steve pulled back. Brian’s shoulders slumped the second he felt the strong arms withdraw. A solitary tear tumbled down Brian’s cheek, still lightly smudged with dark eyeliner.
“Steve-” Brian whispered meekly, turning to stare at the drummer uncertainly. His own eyes glistening, Steve once more opened his arms. This time, Brian launched himself at his best friend.
“Everyone leaves.” Brian whimpered, his face hidden in Steve’s shirt. Steve frowned.
“What?”
“Everyone leaves me.” Steve wiped away the tear tracks with his thumb and pulled Brian even closer.
“I promise I’m not leaving you, Molks.” Brian clung to the drummer as if his very life depended on it. “I promise I’ll come back for you.” Brian shuddered, soaking Steve’s t-shirt. Steve closed his eyes. He’d expected Brian to be upset, but he hadn’t thought Brian would take it like this-as if Steve were abandoning him. “And besides, in the meantime, Gypsum’s here for you-and Gyp won’t ever leave you.” Brian sniffed. “And just think, Bri. With your scary boyfriend gone, how many new guys are you gonna pick up, eh?”
“But what if I don’t want them?” Brian’s lip trembled. “What if they’re like the guy last night-?” Steve hesitated and then hitched up his grin.
“Well I’ll just have to pay for a bodyguard to follow you around, won’t I?” Brian smiled weakly.
“Will he be hot?”
“Very.”
“Well that’s ok then.” Brian sniffed again, pulling back from Steve, trying not to show how hurt he really was. He had known it would happen again, but he hadn’t been prepared for it to happen so soon. He wanted Steve all to himself for as long as possible. Stocking up on those few precious moments before the inevitable happened, and Steve found someone new. Someone better and more exciting than stupid, fucked-up Brian Molko.
“Brian?” Steve asked his face creased with worry. “Brian, if you really want me to stay, I won’t go…” Brian stopped, staring up at his best friend in shock. Steve was willing to give up everything. Give up his entire future career, to stay and take care of Brian. The shorter man hesitated a split second, the word ‘stay’ poised on the tip of his tongue. But instead, he shook his head, and forced a watery smile.
“No.” He choked out. “Don’t give up your dreams because of me. I’ll survive without you for a little bit.” No I won’t! his mind screamed, but he ignored it. Steve searched Brian’s face for a moment before breaking into a grin.
“God Molks, you’ve no idea how much your approval means to me.” Brian gritted his teeth, keeping the smile wavering, but in place. Beyond elated, Steve planted a sloppy wet kiss on Brian’s forehead. “I promise I’ll call-probably not for the first couple of weeks ‘cuz everything’ll be really hectic...” Brian nodded.
“I’ll miss you-but I’ll manage.” Brian swallowed, furiously wiping away tears. He forced a laugh. “Look at me. God I’m such a girl.” Steve smirked.
“Nah-you’re too pretty to be a girl.” This time, Brian let out a small genuine giggle.
“Aw Steve, there’s hope for you yet!”
“I dunno Bri-you may be right! That blowjob last night was pretty phenomenal…” Brian blushed crimson.
“Thanks.” He mumbled, scratching his ear in embarrassment. Steve winked and ruffled Brian’s hair.
“C’mon Missy, I’ll drive you home.”
****
“Ok Molks, I’ll stop by on Monday before I leave, alright?” Brian nodded silently, sliding out of the car. “And I’ll bring you home lots of presents, yeah?” Steve winked, and Brian forced a weak smile.
“Alright Steve-see you later.” Brian slammed the car door and shuffled up the steps to his flat. After fumbling with the key for a minute, Brian managed to force it into the lock, and push the door open. The flat was dead silent, and all the lights were off. Frowning, Brian closed the door behind him. “Gyp?” There was no answer. It was nearly three in the afternoon-why wasn’t Gypsum back yet? Confused, and slightly worried, Brian stripped off his borrowed jacket and wandered through the still apartment. “Gyp?” He paused in the bedroom, but it was empty.
Brian dropped his jacket on the bed and looked around. Ah ha! Brian thought elatedly, as he noticed the blinking answering machine. Eagerly, he crossed to it and punched the play button, settling down on the floor next to it. Immediately, the cool detached voice began to play: “You have. One. New message. And zero. Old messages.” Brian tapped his fingers impatiently. “First. New message: Hey Brian,” He sat up quickly as Gypsum’s voice floated out of the speaker. “It’s me-obviously. I have some great news. I’m still at Larry’s, and I’m gonna stay tonight as well.” Brian frowned in distaste. Why on earth was Gypsum staying a second night? “But I might be home tomorrow morning to grab some of my stuff.” Brian’s heart nearly stopped. What? “Don’t worry, I’m not moving out on you. I’m looking out for us-” Gypsum’s voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper. “He’s got the good stuff, Bri. And if I stick around long enough, he’ll give me some.” Brian’s eyes widened. “So I’ll see you around. Love ya!” The machine beeped, and silence fell back over the room. Brian sat frozen on the hard floor. Gypsum had left him for some dealer! First Steve, and now Gypsum.
Brian was right. One by one, they always left.
****
Brian poked his head out from under the blanket as he heard the door open. “Gyp?” He mumbled, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.
“Hey Brian-I’ve gotta run, I’m only grabbing some of my clothes.” Gypsum rummaged through the closet, stuffing things in a bag. Brian pushed the blanket off.
“How long are you going for?” He asked, attempting to keep the resentment from his voice.
“I don’t know.” Gypsum answered absentmindedly. “Could be a couple weeks.” Brian sat up in horror.
“A couple weeks? But what about our gigs?” Gypsum didn’t even look at him; too busy deciding which sex toys she needed.
“There are more important things, Bri.”
“What?! Gyp this is our only source of income!” Gypsum turned to face him, her face feverishly flushed.
“C’mon Bri! You know even with those gigs we could never afford this much smack! We need this! And if we have to miss a couple of gigs for it, so what! You, Steve, and Geo can go on without me if it’s so important to you”
“No we can’t!” Brian said hotly, folding his hands over his chest. “Steve’s gone. There’s nothing Geo and I can do without a singer!”
“You sing then!” Gypsum folded her own arms, staring him down. Even without heels, Gypsum was taller than him. And when she was angry, Brian’s basic instinct was to duck and cover.
“You can’t just leave us hanging there, Gyp!”
“Excuse me, Brian,” Gypsum spat. “For trying to look after us! I’m fucking this guy to get you your fix!”
“Well maybe I’d prefer to eat!” Brian said furiously, struggling to get off the bed.
“Whatever Brian. I have to go. Larry’s waiting in the car.” She snatched up a fistful of lacy bras and stormed from the room. Brian stood stalk still, unable to believe what had just occurred. In all of his life, he’d never had a fight with Gypsum. Sure they’d argued over small things, but never seriously. Slowly, Brian sank back down on the bed, his mind a tattered mess.
Even playing without Steve would have been difficult. But now without a keyboardist and vocalist, Brian and Geo were fucked. There was nothing the two of them could do on their own, and there was no way in hell Brian was going to sing. For what seemed like ages, Brian merely sat there, staring at the wall. His life was going to hell, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
****
She’d been gone a week, missing three gigs so far. Brian had half believed, half hoped that Gypsum would walk back in, laughing and professing about how sorry she was for scaring him like that. But she didn’t. Geo had waited around for the first couple days but when Gypsum didn’t return, he caught the next flight to Italy to make it to his sister’s wedding. So it was just Brian. Wasn’t that the story of his life? Just Brian. So all alone, and rapidly running out of groceries, Brian had dug into his private stash, which stayed hidden in the closet. Unfortunately, it hadn’t stayed quite as hidden as he’d remembered. Instead of the expected two hundred pounds, he found thirty quid.
Brian sat with his head between his knees, trying to ignore the pure shittiness that was his current life. There was a knock on the door, but Brian hardly budged. Whoever it was would leave eventually, so why even bother with the hassle of getting attached? The pounding got louder. “Molks? Molks are you in there?” Brian blinked lethargically, and straggled to his feet. Swallowing a wave of depression, he opened the door and peered out. At once, Steve shoved the door open and barrelled inside, a bag slung over his shoulder.
“I’m off Molks!” He jabbered, catching Brian in a backbreaking hug that lifted the smaller man off the floor. He dropped the guitarist back to the ground and stepped back. Brian rubbed his neck ruefully, and forced a grin.
“Remember you promised to call as soon as you could.” He poked Steve in the stomach and the drummer beamed.
“Of course! Plane leaves in four hours. Starting off in L.A. Isn’t that just fucking fantastic, Molks?” Steve hugged Brian tightly again. Brian swallowed the fresh batch of tears that threatened, and nodded.
“I’m happy for you, Stevie B.” Brian smiled, praying that Steve couldn’t tell how he really felt. “Remember your condoms-don’t want you bringing back any fucking American diseases-you don’t know where those birds have been.” Steve roared with laughter.
“Is that ‘fucking American diseases’ or ‘American fucking diseases’?” Despite himself, Brian grinned.
“Both.”
“Well don’t you worry your pretty little head, Molks. I’ve got plenty stashed away.” He winked and patted his bag. Steve glanced at his watch. “Right, well I should be off. Is there anything you need before I go, love?” Brian blinked up at his best friend. There wasn’t a care on Steve’s face. Only pure happiness. Brian shook his head.
“Nah. I’m fine. Have fun Stevie. And-don’t forget me?” Steve laughed again, crushing Brian in a huge bear hug.
“Oh I won’t Molks.” He boomed, not realizing that Brian hadn’t been joking. “I’ll see you at Christmas!” With one last kiss on the cheek, Steve was gone, the slam of the door still ringing in Brian’s ears. He knew that Steve would have gladly loaned him money, but Brian couldn’t bear to wipe that look of bliss from the drummer’s face. But now with Steve totally gone, Brian was more alone than ever.
*****
A week later and Gypsum still hadn’t returned. Oh, she turned up every once in a while to grab new clothes, but every time she left without speaking to him. Gypsum’s absence forced Brian to miss another three gigs. The loss of those opportunities to play lost Brian his opportunity to eat. The thirty quid had soon run out, and he had no other source of income. He couldn’t call his parents, because they’d already told him that he would receive no more help from them until he got a proper job. But who was going to hire a junky Nancy boy with no work experience to speak of?
Brian leant against the cool window of the train, trying to ignore the rumbling in his stomach. Swallowing, Brian closed his eyes. He was so hungry…he hadn’t eaten since Friday morning. It was now Monday night. He heard his stop being heralded, and forced himself to his feet. Swaying through the crowd, he managed to get off the train without falling in the gap. Brian’s head was spinning, and he was feeling fainter than ever…“Brian?” Blinking sluggishly, Brian looked up to see his overly gleeful drug dealer bounding towards him. “Hey! I haven’t heard from you in ages!” Brian managed a shrug.
“Sorry-I haven’t got any money for you Danny.” He muttered, his stomach growling loudly in testimony. Danny’s grin began to slip as he looked over Brian.
“Hey man, you don’t look so hot.”
“I-I haven’t eaten since Friday.”
“Fucking Christ man!” Danny grabbed Brian’s arm as he swayed dangerously. “No gigs?”
“No band.” Brian said thickly, his head spinning again. Holding Brian upright, Danny began steering him away, and Brian was too weak to resist.
“C’mon, Brian. I’ll get you something to eat.”
“I can’t-” Brian tried to protest. “No money to pay you back-”
“Don’t worry Brian-” Danny smirked. “You know you’ve got something much better than money.”
****
Brian finished the food on his plate, before looking up at Danny. The dealer was sitting across from him, watching Brian’s every move. “Better?” Brian swallowed and nodded.
“Yeah.” He said meekly. “Thanks.” Danny grinned.
“So tell me, Brian. What happened to the band?” Brian shrugged, trying to force away the hurt.
“Steve went on tour with some other band-the Boo Radley’s, I think it was-and Gyp is off fucking some bloke for smack.” Danny’s eyes widened slightly.
“Jesus.”
“I know.” Brian fidgeted with the hole in his jeans. He knew what Danny wanted, but was glad that the dealer had the decency to wait for Brian’s food to settle. Or so he thought-Brian’s heart sank as Danny stood up and sidled around behind him. He felt Danny’s hands wrap around his chest, and his warm breath against his neck.
“You know the drill, Brian.” He breathed against Brian’s ear. “You give me what I want, and I’ll give you what you need.”
“No-no smack.” Brian managed as Danny sucked lightly on his neck. Danny chuckled lightly.
“No, I don’t accept sexual favours for that, Brian. One shag, one meal…I’m not made of money you know...” Brian closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears. He was full now, and it was easy for his stomach to tell him to say no. But his brain told him that tomorrow he’d be hungry again. And the next day after that. And the day after that. He had no choice.
“Ok.” He whispered. Danny bit down on the tender flesh, making Brian wince. His heart began to pound faster and faster as Danny pulled him out of the chair, and swivelled him around so he could gain access to the soft cherry lips…
Chapter: 20
Rating:
Shy & Coy - For those chapters/parts of a fic that are buliding up to the action, and dealing with storyline, but do not have anything remotely sexual involed.
Paring: Molsdal
Summary:“Brian, look at me.” Steve said grabbing Brian’s arm. Brian turned his head away, trying to hide the tears that were quickly forming. “Look at me.” Careful not to hurt the smaller man, Steve pulled Brian around so that he was forced to face him. Steve put his hands on either side of Brian’s face, looking into his wide eyes. Brian blinked and several tears tumbled down his cheeks. “Sweetheart, it’s not forever.” Steve soothed, perplexed at the overly dramatic reaction.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I’ve never met, spoken with, or shagged any of the members of Placebo. Any other characters beyond them belong to me. Mwahahahahahahahah*cough*hahahaha
Chapter 1: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/31397.html#cutid1
Chapter 2: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/33459.html#cutid1
Chapter 3: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/34428.html#cutid1
Chapter 4: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/35635.html#cutid1
Chapter 5: http://community.livejournal.com/suckerlove_/550378.html
Chapter 6: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/39952.html#cutid1
Chapter 7: http://community.livejournal.com/suckerlove_/565708.html#cutid1
Chapter 8: http://vainwithglitter.livejournal.com/45913.html#cutid1
Chapter 9: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/702.html
Chapter 10: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/1291.html#cutid1
Chapter 11: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/1567.html#cutid1
Chapter 12: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/1814.html#cutid1
Chapter 13: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/3928.html#cutid1
Chapter 14: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/6286.html#cutid1
Chapter 15: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/6651.html#cutid1
Chapter 16: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/6767.html#cutid1
Chapter 17: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/7106.html#cutid1
Chapter 18: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/7203.html#cutid2
Chapter 19: http://vanity-goddess.livejournal.com/7634.html#cutid2
Wrinkling his nose, Steve came into the living room where Brian was munching on his toast, settled comfortably on top of the counter. “Here’s your dress, Bri.” Steve held up the newly washed garment, and then folded it, placing it gently over the back of the couch.
“Thanks.” Brian managed through a mouthful of toast. Steve didn’t respond, letting his fingers slide over the cool material of Brian’s dress. Brian cocked his head to one side. Judging by the absence of Steve’s usual screeching at him to get off the counter, he knew something was up. “What’s wrong?” He asked, swallowing his latest bite. Steve sighed, running a hand through his unkempt hair. Brian blinked once, pulling the toast away from his mouth. “Steve?”
“Bri-erm-remember last night I told you someone wanted me to sit in for them?” Brian nodded slowly, not liking where the topic was leading them. “Well-that wasn’t the full truth-I mean they do want me to sit in-but-on tour…” He trailed off, trying to gauge Brian’s reaction. The guitarist’s lips parted slightly, and the toast fell from his fingers, landing butter-side down on the linoleum.
“You’re leaving?” Brian whispered horrified.
“Not permanently, Molks.” Steve reasoned, coming to stand by the counter.
“How long?” Steve scratched his ear and muttered something unintelligible.
“What?”
“Well it hasn’t really been confirmed yet-”
“How long?” Brian demanded, trying to keep his voice steady, but failing miserably. Steve sighed again.
“Till next September.” Brian blanched.
“That’s a fucking year and a half!” He croaked. Steve tried to take Brian’s buttery hand, but Brian wrenched it away, leaping off the counter.
“Bri,” Steve pressed, his voice pained. “Bri, it’s not so long-I promise I’ll call and-I’ll be back for a month or so over Christmas-” He felt his heart break as Brian turned his back, refusing to look him in the eye. “Molks please-”
“Don’t Steve.” Brian cut him short, voice quavering. Staring at the wall as if it might tell him what to say, Brian swallowed.
“Brian, look at me.” Steve said grabbing Brian’s arm. Brian turned his head away, trying to hide the tears that were quickly forming. “Look at me.” Careful not to hurt the smaller man, Steve pulled Brian around so that he was forced to face him. Steve put his hands on either side of Brian’s face, looking into his wide eyes. “Sweetheart, it’s not forever.” Steve soothed, perplexed at the overly dramatic reaction. Brian wrenched away again, hugging his arms to his chest.
Steve sighed and pulled Brian backwards into a hug. “I promise everything will be ok while I’m gone, Bri.” Steve breathed into Brian’s ear. The guitarist squirmed uncomfortably, but Steve refused to let go. “Did you hear me, Brian?”
“Yes.” Brian snapped crossly. “And you’re fucking squishing me! I can’t breathe.” Sighing heavily, Steve pulled back. Brian’s shoulders slumped the second he felt the strong arms withdraw. A solitary tear tumbled down Brian’s cheek, still lightly smudged with dark eyeliner.
“Steve-” Brian whispered meekly, turning to stare at the drummer uncertainly. His own eyes glistening, Steve once more opened his arms. This time, Brian launched himself at his best friend.
“Everyone leaves.” Brian whimpered, his face hidden in Steve’s shirt. Steve frowned.
“What?”
“Everyone leaves me.” Steve wiped away the tear tracks with his thumb and pulled Brian even closer.
“I promise I’m not leaving you, Molks.” Brian clung to the drummer as if his very life depended on it. “I promise I’ll come back for you.” Brian shuddered, soaking Steve’s t-shirt. Steve closed his eyes. He’d expected Brian to be upset, but he hadn’t thought Brian would take it like this-as if Steve were abandoning him. “And besides, in the meantime, Gypsum’s here for you-and Gyp won’t ever leave you.” Brian sniffed. “And just think, Bri. With your scary boyfriend gone, how many new guys are you gonna pick up, eh?”
“But what if I don’t want them?” Brian’s lip trembled. “What if they’re like the guy last night-?” Steve hesitated and then hitched up his grin.
“Well I’ll just have to pay for a bodyguard to follow you around, won’t I?” Brian smiled weakly.
“Will he be hot?”
“Very.”
“Well that’s ok then.” Brian sniffed again, pulling back from Steve, trying not to show how hurt he really was. He had known it would happen again, but he hadn’t been prepared for it to happen so soon. He wanted Steve all to himself for as long as possible. Stocking up on those few precious moments before the inevitable happened, and Steve found someone new. Someone better and more exciting than stupid, fucked-up Brian Molko.
“Brian?” Steve asked his face creased with worry. “Brian, if you really want me to stay, I won’t go…” Brian stopped, staring up at his best friend in shock. Steve was willing to give up everything. Give up his entire future career, to stay and take care of Brian. The shorter man hesitated a split second, the word ‘stay’ poised on the tip of his tongue. But instead, he shook his head, and forced a watery smile.
“No.” He choked out. “Don’t give up your dreams because of me. I’ll survive without you for a little bit.” No I won’t! his mind screamed, but he ignored it. Steve searched Brian’s face for a moment before breaking into a grin.
“God Molks, you’ve no idea how much your approval means to me.” Brian gritted his teeth, keeping the smile wavering, but in place. Beyond elated, Steve planted a sloppy wet kiss on Brian’s forehead. “I promise I’ll call-probably not for the first couple of weeks ‘cuz everything’ll be really hectic...” Brian nodded.
“I’ll miss you-but I’ll manage.” Brian swallowed, furiously wiping away tears. He forced a laugh. “Look at me. God I’m such a girl.” Steve smirked.
“Nah-you’re too pretty to be a girl.” This time, Brian let out a small genuine giggle.
“Aw Steve, there’s hope for you yet!”
“I dunno Bri-you may be right! That blowjob last night was pretty phenomenal…” Brian blushed crimson.
“Thanks.” He mumbled, scratching his ear in embarrassment. Steve winked and ruffled Brian’s hair.
“C’mon Missy, I’ll drive you home.”
****
“Ok Molks, I’ll stop by on Monday before I leave, alright?” Brian nodded silently, sliding out of the car. “And I’ll bring you home lots of presents, yeah?” Steve winked, and Brian forced a weak smile.
“Alright Steve-see you later.” Brian slammed the car door and shuffled up the steps to his flat. After fumbling with the key for a minute, Brian managed to force it into the lock, and push the door open. The flat was dead silent, and all the lights were off. Frowning, Brian closed the door behind him. “Gyp?” There was no answer. It was nearly three in the afternoon-why wasn’t Gypsum back yet? Confused, and slightly worried, Brian stripped off his borrowed jacket and wandered through the still apartment. “Gyp?” He paused in the bedroom, but it was empty.
Brian dropped his jacket on the bed and looked around. Ah ha! Brian thought elatedly, as he noticed the blinking answering machine. Eagerly, he crossed to it and punched the play button, settling down on the floor next to it. Immediately, the cool detached voice began to play: “You have. One. New message. And zero. Old messages.” Brian tapped his fingers impatiently. “First. New message: Hey Brian,” He sat up quickly as Gypsum’s voice floated out of the speaker. “It’s me-obviously. I have some great news. I’m still at Larry’s, and I’m gonna stay tonight as well.” Brian frowned in distaste. Why on earth was Gypsum staying a second night? “But I might be home tomorrow morning to grab some of my stuff.” Brian’s heart nearly stopped. What? “Don’t worry, I’m not moving out on you. I’m looking out for us-” Gypsum’s voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper. “He’s got the good stuff, Bri. And if I stick around long enough, he’ll give me some.” Brian’s eyes widened. “So I’ll see you around. Love ya!” The machine beeped, and silence fell back over the room. Brian sat frozen on the hard floor. Gypsum had left him for some dealer! First Steve, and now Gypsum.
Brian was right. One by one, they always left.
****
Brian poked his head out from under the blanket as he heard the door open. “Gyp?” He mumbled, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.
“Hey Brian-I’ve gotta run, I’m only grabbing some of my clothes.” Gypsum rummaged through the closet, stuffing things in a bag. Brian pushed the blanket off.
“How long are you going for?” He asked, attempting to keep the resentment from his voice.
“I don’t know.” Gypsum answered absentmindedly. “Could be a couple weeks.” Brian sat up in horror.
“A couple weeks? But what about our gigs?” Gypsum didn’t even look at him; too busy deciding which sex toys she needed.
“There are more important things, Bri.”
“What?! Gyp this is our only source of income!” Gypsum turned to face him, her face feverishly flushed.
“C’mon Bri! You know even with those gigs we could never afford this much smack! We need this! And if we have to miss a couple of gigs for it, so what! You, Steve, and Geo can go on without me if it’s so important to you”
“No we can’t!” Brian said hotly, folding his hands over his chest. “Steve’s gone. There’s nothing Geo and I can do without a singer!”
“You sing then!” Gypsum folded her own arms, staring him down. Even without heels, Gypsum was taller than him. And when she was angry, Brian’s basic instinct was to duck and cover.
“You can’t just leave us hanging there, Gyp!”
“Excuse me, Brian,” Gypsum spat. “For trying to look after us! I’m fucking this guy to get you your fix!”
“Well maybe I’d prefer to eat!” Brian said furiously, struggling to get off the bed.
“Whatever Brian. I have to go. Larry’s waiting in the car.” She snatched up a fistful of lacy bras and stormed from the room. Brian stood stalk still, unable to believe what had just occurred. In all of his life, he’d never had a fight with Gypsum. Sure they’d argued over small things, but never seriously. Slowly, Brian sank back down on the bed, his mind a tattered mess.
Even playing without Steve would have been difficult. But now without a keyboardist and vocalist, Brian and Geo were fucked. There was nothing the two of them could do on their own, and there was no way in hell Brian was going to sing. For what seemed like ages, Brian merely sat there, staring at the wall. His life was going to hell, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
****
She’d been gone a week, missing three gigs so far. Brian had half believed, half hoped that Gypsum would walk back in, laughing and professing about how sorry she was for scaring him like that. But she didn’t. Geo had waited around for the first couple days but when Gypsum didn’t return, he caught the next flight to Italy to make it to his sister’s wedding. So it was just Brian. Wasn’t that the story of his life? Just Brian. So all alone, and rapidly running out of groceries, Brian had dug into his private stash, which stayed hidden in the closet. Unfortunately, it hadn’t stayed quite as hidden as he’d remembered. Instead of the expected two hundred pounds, he found thirty quid.
Brian sat with his head between his knees, trying to ignore the pure shittiness that was his current life. There was a knock on the door, but Brian hardly budged. Whoever it was would leave eventually, so why even bother with the hassle of getting attached? The pounding got louder. “Molks? Molks are you in there?” Brian blinked lethargically, and straggled to his feet. Swallowing a wave of depression, he opened the door and peered out. At once, Steve shoved the door open and barrelled inside, a bag slung over his shoulder.
“I’m off Molks!” He jabbered, catching Brian in a backbreaking hug that lifted the smaller man off the floor. He dropped the guitarist back to the ground and stepped back. Brian rubbed his neck ruefully, and forced a grin.
“Remember you promised to call as soon as you could.” He poked Steve in the stomach and the drummer beamed.
“Of course! Plane leaves in four hours. Starting off in L.A. Isn’t that just fucking fantastic, Molks?” Steve hugged Brian tightly again. Brian swallowed the fresh batch of tears that threatened, and nodded.
“I’m happy for you, Stevie B.” Brian smiled, praying that Steve couldn’t tell how he really felt. “Remember your condoms-don’t want you bringing back any fucking American diseases-you don’t know where those birds have been.” Steve roared with laughter.
“Is that ‘fucking American diseases’ or ‘American fucking diseases’?” Despite himself, Brian grinned.
“Both.”
“Well don’t you worry your pretty little head, Molks. I’ve got plenty stashed away.” He winked and patted his bag. Steve glanced at his watch. “Right, well I should be off. Is there anything you need before I go, love?” Brian blinked up at his best friend. There wasn’t a care on Steve’s face. Only pure happiness. Brian shook his head.
“Nah. I’m fine. Have fun Stevie. And-don’t forget me?” Steve laughed again, crushing Brian in a huge bear hug.
“Oh I won’t Molks.” He boomed, not realizing that Brian hadn’t been joking. “I’ll see you at Christmas!” With one last kiss on the cheek, Steve was gone, the slam of the door still ringing in Brian’s ears. He knew that Steve would have gladly loaned him money, but Brian couldn’t bear to wipe that look of bliss from the drummer’s face. But now with Steve totally gone, Brian was more alone than ever.
*****
A week later and Gypsum still hadn’t returned. Oh, she turned up every once in a while to grab new clothes, but every time she left without speaking to him. Gypsum’s absence forced Brian to miss another three gigs. The loss of those opportunities to play lost Brian his opportunity to eat. The thirty quid had soon run out, and he had no other source of income. He couldn’t call his parents, because they’d already told him that he would receive no more help from them until he got a proper job. But who was going to hire a junky Nancy boy with no work experience to speak of?
Brian leant against the cool window of the train, trying to ignore the rumbling in his stomach. Swallowing, Brian closed his eyes. He was so hungry…he hadn’t eaten since Friday morning. It was now Monday night. He heard his stop being heralded, and forced himself to his feet. Swaying through the crowd, he managed to get off the train without falling in the gap. Brian’s head was spinning, and he was feeling fainter than ever…“Brian?” Blinking sluggishly, Brian looked up to see his overly gleeful drug dealer bounding towards him. “Hey! I haven’t heard from you in ages!” Brian managed a shrug.
“Sorry-I haven’t got any money for you Danny.” He muttered, his stomach growling loudly in testimony. Danny’s grin began to slip as he looked over Brian.
“Hey man, you don’t look so hot.”
“I-I haven’t eaten since Friday.”
“Fucking Christ man!” Danny grabbed Brian’s arm as he swayed dangerously. “No gigs?”
“No band.” Brian said thickly, his head spinning again. Holding Brian upright, Danny began steering him away, and Brian was too weak to resist.
“C’mon, Brian. I’ll get you something to eat.”
“I can’t-” Brian tried to protest. “No money to pay you back-”
“Don’t worry Brian-” Danny smirked. “You know you’ve got something much better than money.”
****
Brian finished the food on his plate, before looking up at Danny. The dealer was sitting across from him, watching Brian’s every move. “Better?” Brian swallowed and nodded.
“Yeah.” He said meekly. “Thanks.” Danny grinned.
“So tell me, Brian. What happened to the band?” Brian shrugged, trying to force away the hurt.
“Steve went on tour with some other band-the Boo Radley’s, I think it was-and Gyp is off fucking some bloke for smack.” Danny’s eyes widened slightly.
“Jesus.”
“I know.” Brian fidgeted with the hole in his jeans. He knew what Danny wanted, but was glad that the dealer had the decency to wait for Brian’s food to settle. Or so he thought-Brian’s heart sank as Danny stood up and sidled around behind him. He felt Danny’s hands wrap around his chest, and his warm breath against his neck.
“You know the drill, Brian.” He breathed against Brian’s ear. “You give me what I want, and I’ll give you what you need.”
“No-no smack.” Brian managed as Danny sucked lightly on his neck. Danny chuckled lightly.
“No, I don’t accept sexual favours for that, Brian. One shag, one meal…I’m not made of money you know...” Brian closed his eyes, trying to stop the tears. He was full now, and it was easy for his stomach to tell him to say no. But his brain told him that tomorrow he’d be hungry again. And the next day after that. And the day after that. He had no choice.
“Ok.” He whispered. Danny bit down on the tender flesh, making Brian wince. His heart began to pound faster and faster as Danny pulled him out of the chair, and swivelled him around so he could gain access to the soft cherry lips…