Never Enough Comedy
Title: None Yet
Author: Me
Characters/Pairings: Most of the UN who have canon designs.
Rating: PG-13 (maybe later it'll be R? You never can tell with me.)
Warnings: Gratuitous use of pop culture.
Summary: Sort of a Die Hard scenario. Uh. I got the idea from this kink meme request. I might post it as a fill when it's done. Idk.
"Hey, boss," one of the more expendable henchmen called to the team's leader, who twitched at the volume, "should we check down there?"
The man in charge of this particular group glared over at the thug, then glanced down the indicated hallway. It appeared to lead off to a series of side rooms, just extra meeting areas for busy days, perhaps? At any rate, there didn't seem to be any sound coming from down there, and the lighting was dim. No evidence of life. Obviously this was a relatively unimportant area, and to check it would be a waste of time. "No, there's nothing down there. Stick to the plan, and for Chrissake, be quiet. We haven't gotten the entire building under lockdown yet." The henchman nodded, looking down glumly, and the group moved on, passing by the hall and leaving the rooms there undisturbed.
----
Meanwhile, behind the door at the very end of the hallway, in the second-largest meeting room in the building, England kicked America under the table. This was because America had fallen asleep, his head flopping forward onto the table and a bit of drool pooling on the doodle-covered notes beneath his face. At England's kick, the blond jolted up with a snorting sound that went (mostly) ignored, and stared in bewilderment at the Englishman, who glared back and nodded pointedly to the powerpoint presentation Germany was running through.
No one else seemed to notice the interaction, although that could have been simply because they were used to it.
The lights flickered.
"Ah, damn!" Germany paused for a moment, shooting a half apologetic look around the room, "pardon me one moment, I'll have to reset the projector and open the program again now-" America groaned and dropped his head back onto the table.
"Well, while you're doing that, I'm gonna have a nap." He announced, and was promptly kicked by England again. "Ow! Stop doing that!"
"Then stop being such a brat!"
"What? I'm tired! This is boring!" America pouted, "what's it even about, anyway!?"
"It's a rundown of the things Germany, Russia, and France discussed at their meeting, idiot!"
"...what meeting?"
"Really, America!?"
Germany sighed, deciding to ignore this exchange, and set to work on the projector. Unfortunately, America was apparently not the only Nation with a lack of interest. France's hand was once more proving that his survival instincts had a rather significant deficit by sneakily working its way toward Belgium's skirt. Romano stood up and announced that this presentation was stupid and that he wasn't going to sit around and listen to the potato bastard anymore and neither was Veneziano, whom he grabbed and started dragging in the direction of the door.
"A-ah, Romano, I don't mind, really, let me stay-"
"No! This is a waste of time, dammit! We could be eating lunch instead of listening to these bastards!"
"...ve, lunch? Well, if we can get pasta then..."
"There's no decent pasta in that bastard America's country anyway! We'll have to go home first!"
"Hey, what the hell do you mean I don't have any decent pasta? I have awesome pasta!" America stood from his seat and shook a fist at the Italians angrily. England slapped a hand over his forehead, and Belgium yelped and whirled around to give France a solid fist in his face.
Germany gave up and sat back down in his seat, pressing his hands over his temples to try and quell the rising headache. Prussia, who probably shouldn't have been there in the first place but Germany had learned the hard way that leaving his brother at home alone was not a good idea, chuckled and gave him a pat on the back that might have been almost sympathetic if it weren't from Prussia.
"Look on the bright side, West. Now you won't have to explain to America that eliminating the need for visas between Russia and Europe doesn't mean taking away their credit cards." He pointed out cheerfully. Germany started to reply that this wasn't exactly reassuring, when the mounting chaos was quickly interrupted.
"Attention!" A voice boomed over the loudspeakers.
"This room has loudspeakers?" Estonia started glancing around the ceiling for evidence of the system.
"We are the coalition of-" there was a fizz of static here, "-and we have taken control of this building! We are holding important world leaders and political figures hostage until our demands have been met! We advise all civilian hostages to remain inactive, or we will kill you. Cooperate, and this will soon be only an unpleasant memory. That is all."
There was a click as the system turned off again. For the first time in recent memory, the meeting room was dead silent.
The Nations looked at each other, the prevalent emotion seemed to be shock.
"...Does anyone have any bubble gum?" America asked, jolting most of the Nations into turning to glare at him for his inappropriate casual air.
"What!? No, of course not!" England hissed, looking about ready to strangle America (it wouldn't be the first time), "why on Earth would you even a-"
"Then I guess it's time to kick ass." America grinned demonically, punching one fisted hand into the palm of the other. The Nations stared, looking, if possible, even more lost than they had before, though now there was a tangible air of exasperation. America's expression slowly melted into disappointment. "...Like the quote? It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum? And we're all out of bubble gum?"
The faces remained blank.
"...You guys suck."
Author: Me
Characters/Pairings: Most of the UN who have canon designs.
Rating: PG-13 (maybe later it'll be R? You never can tell with me.)
Warnings: Gratuitous use of pop culture.
Summary: Sort of a Die Hard scenario. Uh. I got the idea from this kink meme request. I might post it as a fill when it's done. Idk.
"Hey, boss," one of the more expendable henchmen called to the team's leader, who twitched at the volume, "should we check down there?"
The man in charge of this particular group glared over at the thug, then glanced down the indicated hallway. It appeared to lead off to a series of side rooms, just extra meeting areas for busy days, perhaps? At any rate, there didn't seem to be any sound coming from down there, and the lighting was dim. No evidence of life. Obviously this was a relatively unimportant area, and to check it would be a waste of time. "No, there's nothing down there. Stick to the plan, and for Chrissake, be quiet. We haven't gotten the entire building under lockdown yet." The henchman nodded, looking down glumly, and the group moved on, passing by the hall and leaving the rooms there undisturbed.
----
Meanwhile, behind the door at the very end of the hallway, in the second-largest meeting room in the building, England kicked America under the table. This was because America had fallen asleep, his head flopping forward onto the table and a bit of drool pooling on the doodle-covered notes beneath his face. At England's kick, the blond jolted up with a snorting sound that went (mostly) ignored, and stared in bewilderment at the Englishman, who glared back and nodded pointedly to the powerpoint presentation Germany was running through.
No one else seemed to notice the interaction, although that could have been simply because they were used to it.
The lights flickered.
"Ah, damn!" Germany paused for a moment, shooting a half apologetic look around the room, "pardon me one moment, I'll have to reset the projector and open the program again now-" America groaned and dropped his head back onto the table.
"Well, while you're doing that, I'm gonna have a nap." He announced, and was promptly kicked by England again. "Ow! Stop doing that!"
"Then stop being such a brat!"
"What? I'm tired! This is boring!" America pouted, "what's it even about, anyway!?"
"It's a rundown of the things Germany, Russia, and France discussed at their meeting, idiot!"
"...what meeting?"
"Really, America!?"
Germany sighed, deciding to ignore this exchange, and set to work on the projector. Unfortunately, America was apparently not the only Nation with a lack of interest. France's hand was once more proving that his survival instincts had a rather significant deficit by sneakily working its way toward Belgium's skirt. Romano stood up and announced that this presentation was stupid and that he wasn't going to sit around and listen to the potato bastard anymore and neither was Veneziano, whom he grabbed and started dragging in the direction of the door.
"A-ah, Romano, I don't mind, really, let me stay-"
"No! This is a waste of time, dammit! We could be eating lunch instead of listening to these bastards!"
"...ve, lunch? Well, if we can get pasta then..."
"There's no decent pasta in that bastard America's country anyway! We'll have to go home first!"
"Hey, what the hell do you mean I don't have any decent pasta? I have awesome pasta!" America stood from his seat and shook a fist at the Italians angrily. England slapped a hand over his forehead, and Belgium yelped and whirled around to give France a solid fist in his face.
Germany gave up and sat back down in his seat, pressing his hands over his temples to try and quell the rising headache. Prussia, who probably shouldn't have been there in the first place but Germany had learned the hard way that leaving his brother at home alone was not a good idea, chuckled and gave him a pat on the back that might have been almost sympathetic if it weren't from Prussia.
"Look on the bright side, West. Now you won't have to explain to America that eliminating the need for visas between Russia and Europe doesn't mean taking away their credit cards." He pointed out cheerfully. Germany started to reply that this wasn't exactly reassuring, when the mounting chaos was quickly interrupted.
"Attention!" A voice boomed over the loudspeakers.
"This room has loudspeakers?" Estonia started glancing around the ceiling for evidence of the system.
"We are the coalition of-" there was a fizz of static here, "-and we have taken control of this building! We are holding important world leaders and political figures hostage until our demands have been met! We advise all civilian hostages to remain inactive, or we will kill you. Cooperate, and this will soon be only an unpleasant memory. That is all."
There was a click as the system turned off again. For the first time in recent memory, the meeting room was dead silent.
The Nations looked at each other, the prevalent emotion seemed to be shock.
"...Does anyone have any bubble gum?" America asked, jolting most of the Nations into turning to glare at him for his inappropriate casual air.
"What!? No, of course not!" England hissed, looking about ready to strangle America (it wouldn't be the first time), "why on Earth would you even a-"
"Then I guess it's time to kick ass." America grinned demonically, punching one fisted hand into the palm of the other. The Nations stared, looking, if possible, even more lost than they had before, though now there was a tangible air of exasperation. America's expression slowly melted into disappointment. "...Like the quote? It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum? And we're all out of bubble gum?"
The faces remained blank.
"...You guys suck."