Re: wow...vanishinghopeJanuary 31 2007, 22:08:27 UTC
well if any of that is true i thank you for your honesty. im not sure if i believe it and its painful to realize that your "love" for me was peer-pressured into non-existance by your "friends" and mom. and honestly if your mom told you you should date jon to comfort you with your decision to abandon me than i have lost what little respect for her i had left. thats possibly the worst advice she couldve given...i guess the strategy of using people runs in the family...
i do agree with the last part of 5 though. and im glad that youre seeming to realize this. that you ruined what we had and it wouldve been fine if you hadnt tried to make it easier for you. relationships are about thinking of the other person, not doing what everyone tells you would be best for YOU.
and honestly, if it was so important that you completely cut me off (i made a funny! cut me...haha) than why would you want me back? you would just do this again in exactly one other year. we were obviously not meant for each other since you couldnt handle the love that i gave you.
Re: wow...midnite_blackFebruary 2 2007, 00:33:00 UTC
I never used you Ethan. And if it felt that way I am utterly sorry for that.
I always knew that I could never have you back if I broke it up. At least I realized that at the end of the first week. And I know that relationships are about thinking about the other person. I've always been taught the opposite and I thought about other people other than myself, but no one ever agreed upon that. My mom thought that it was putting too much stress on me...
That wasn't funny.
And I do want you back, but now that I realize we can't be together I guess...you know...I just have to deal. And I think from the first time I would learn from my mistakes... I think we were meant for each other Ethan. You were the only person I ever felt truly connected with. The only person I truly fell in love with. With you I knew myself. Now I'm not even sure of who this is...
Do you think it would ever be possible for us to talk again?
Re: wow...vanishinghopeFebruary 3 2007, 00:33:07 UTC
no it wouldnt be. this already pushing it too far. (haha funny number two!! wee! im on a role! maybe you can laugh at this one...pushing deeper...haha)
and what makes you think you knew yourself when you were with me? what if you were judt sure thats who you wanted to be? and then your actions have severed that (funny number 3) and now youre this new hollister-wearing chain-smoker whos unrecognizeable to everyone she used to care about.
and i dont think we were meant for each other. if two people are meant for each other they end up together...thats just how it works. God doesnt let things (or themselves) pull away from each other. you took me for granted. thats not love. you took advantage of me and used me as your punching bag, but when i returned and you saw my scars and bruises burn through your eyes...you wanted me back. you made the choice. not me. but im not going to make the same mistake that ive made so many other times: forgiving you. i gave you so many chances for everything. i wouldve continued to too, but you didnt want any more until it was too late.
no it is not possible. it would be absolutely pointless.
Re: wow...midnite_blackFebruary 6 2007, 18:20:50 UTC
None of that is funny.And you know that.
I do STILL care about you. And I still care about everyone who still chose to be my friends. That would be Allison, Michael, Jackie, and Lauren. And I care about my new friends too.
God does let things get pulled away. If it's his will, and if he thinks they at least need to take a break until things get straightened out.
I didn't take you for granted. I told you the reasons why this happened.
I do want you back...and that's because I know what a huge mistake I made listening to everyone else.
I love you Ethan. You were my first love. The one I know I truly ever felt those feelings for.
And yeah, I DO want you back. You told me that maybe in a year or so that could happen...What changed???
Re: wow...vanishinghopeFebruary 7 2007, 20:40:16 UTC
you havent changed a bit. youve in fact gotten much worse. why would you possibly think that after you getting sent home from camp cuz your smoking addiction, finding out (and having it verified by michael) that you fucked a guy after knowing him 3 days, and then the fact that you come up to me and yell at me at winter camp about shit. honestly youre not trying too hard anyway. after what you did you cant possibly be thinking im stupid enough to let you do it to me again. because we both know you would. youd feed off me for awhile, maybe even a year or two (since we didnt even last one year this time) but then when you get bored youll do it again. thats who you are. thats not who i fell in love with...but its who you are. and denial of that fact wont get you anywhere.
Re: wow...midnite_blackFebruary 8 2007, 01:54:28 UTC
1.Again the guy in question that I apparently screwed is 23 and I've known him for about 4-5 months. I would never screw someone that much older than me and I don't plan on screwing anyone until I am married. 2. It was "verified" by many people that I screwed Cordale twice. Once 2 weeks ago. Proves to show you rumors are just that-rumors. I've been grounded for the past month and a half. There's no way I would have been able to get out of my house to have sex with ANYONE! 3. I didn't yell at you. I asked you as politely as I could to stop making up rumors about me. I'm sick of my reputation being fucked over by everyone. Sure some of it is my fault....but I DID NOT have sex. 4. It's not who I am...it's what rumors have made me. It's not something I'm proud of. 5. You think I feed off the drama...I HATE it.
Re: wow...vanishinghopeFebruary 9 2007, 22:33:56 UTC
no. its what youve made yourself. if you hadnt made the choices you did youd still be a respected girl who was dating me. but your choices did show me your true insides because your actions obviously speak MUCH louder than your words now.
it doesnt matter what i think about the situation-i wouldnt put it past you to have fucked cordale and the 23 year old (and you were overheard to have been all pissed off at the school for not letting you bring him...or was that a 25 year old? i cant remember...) the point is-youre different now. whether or not you were different while we were dating or this is just a new development i dont know.
but the only thing youve said in the past few month i agree with was your last statement.
Re: wow...midnite_blackFebruary 11 2007, 17:01:30 UTC
If you only knew what really happened with the 23 year old then you would understand maybe.
And, no I was talking to Kim about Mike, the one you met. The one who goes to my mom and steve's 12-step workshop thing. He's in jail and I was saying how when he gets out we should hang out with him. And, Sprang over-heard, and asked how old he was, and I had to explain the situation. Good thing lucy tells the truth about everything.
I am sorry. But, I cant have people thinking things that are not true about me.
Re: wow...vanishinghopeFebruary 11 2007, 21:12:25 UTC
well since your word means absolutely nothing and you cant be trusted with anything you tell me or anyone else-it doesnt really matter. (kinda reminds me of Dillon...id still give you two a month before you hook up or use each other...you both have a lot in common...)
have you ever considered going to your parents 12 step workshop? you really should. i find it funny that you live with such anti-alcoholics but yet you yourself have no problem with getting so drunk you cant stay sitting in a chair...oh well...thats just you making it easier for street trash to keep using you
Re: wow...midnite_blackFebruary 12 2007, 19:52:42 UTC
sorry. that will not be happening.
im not an alcoholic. and i wasnt drunk when that happened.
and yeah it also makes it easier for fucking street trash to fucking rape me too i suppose. things DO happen when you are completely sober Ethan. and im sorry that you dont realize that.
Re: wow...vanishinghopeFebruary 15 2007, 20:52:52 UTC
no i realize that. cuz i was sober the whole time and all this happened to me. its just funny now finding out all the things you lied to me about. like after we saw the illusionist with lucy and mollon and you went and got high and made out with lucy. (which is still cheating on me-boy or girl wether youre bi when youre high or not-you kissing someone is cheating) its funny though that i believed you didnt get high that night. its hilarious that thats just one more of the countless times you got high and/or cheated on me and/or broke a promise.
Re: wow...midnite_blackFebruary 17 2007, 18:40:57 UTC
Okay...WHAT?!?!?
If Lucy told you that, then she is completely lying.
Lucy has never gotten high. She has never smoked pot to my knowledge. And I have definitely not done that with her. And I have never kissed her. We pretended in front of you and Dillon sure, but we have never actually kissed.
And if it wasnt Lucy that told you I find that interesting since they wouldnt have been there. Why would I makeout with her after being so upset with her ruining our entire night. That makes alot of sense. Wow...
Re: wow...vanishinghopeFebruary 21 2007, 19:01:40 UTC
high off pills. and then you both said (after doing a lot of kissing together) that you needed to see your boyfriends cuz it was getting out of hand. thats pretty sick. especially since then you told your parents and me that lucy just wanted to find out what the pills were in your stepdads drawer. i dont know what you did that night and i really dont want to. eww
Re: wow...midnite_blackFebruary 24 2007, 02:35:38 UTC
that's really funny!!! oh my God!
seriously thats really hilarious! yeah...i got one look at a pill bottle before my mom got home and i had to shove it back in the cabinet.
first of all after the dust off thing i vowed never to take pills again. because those days we didnt have the dust off, we took vicaden and valum. i didnt like the way i felt. sick and tired. they're downers, and truthfully it sucked to feel that way. and i never took them again.
second of all. those were two completely different days. i remember because that night she and i were supposed to go to Dan Kennedy's show. after my mom found out about the pill thing she took her home. that night i was allowed to go see Dan but she was not.
we didnt see a movie that night. so there you go. theres the other part of the lie.
thirdly the only time i ever kissed her was when i was high on dust off. and that was a peck that was initiated by her. not me.
theres all the lies wrapped into the truth. i know you cant believe me right now, and i respect that, but at least know that i have the decency to tell you the truth about something that "happened" ages ago.
i do agree with the last part of 5 though. and im glad that youre seeming to realize this. that you ruined what we had and it wouldve been fine if you hadnt tried to make it easier for you. relationships are about thinking of the other person, not doing what everyone tells you would be best for YOU.
and honestly, if it was so important that you completely cut me off (i made a funny! cut me...haha) than why would you want me back? you would just do this again in exactly one other year. we were obviously not meant for each other since you couldnt handle the love that i gave you.
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I always knew that I could never have you back if I broke it up. At least I realized that at the end of the first week. And I know that relationships are about thinking about the other person. I've always been taught the opposite and I thought about other people other than myself, but no one ever agreed upon that. My mom thought that it was putting too much stress on me...
That wasn't funny.
And I do want you back, but now that I realize we can't be together I guess...you know...I just have to deal. And I think from the first time I would learn from my mistakes... I think we were meant for each other Ethan. You were the only person I ever felt truly connected with. The only person I truly fell in love with. With you I knew myself. Now I'm not even sure of who this is...
Do you think it would ever be possible for us to talk again?
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and what makes you think you knew yourself when you were with me? what if you were judt sure thats who you wanted to be? and then your actions have severed that (funny number 3) and now youre this new hollister-wearing chain-smoker whos unrecognizeable to everyone she used to care about.
and i dont think we were meant for each other. if two people are meant for each other they end up together...thats just how it works. God doesnt let things (or themselves) pull away from each other. you took me for granted. thats not love. you took advantage of me and used me as your punching bag, but when i returned and you saw my scars and bruises burn through your eyes...you wanted me back. you made the choice. not me. but im not going to make the same mistake that ive made so many other times: forgiving you. i gave you so many chances for everything. i wouldve continued to too, but you didnt want any more until it was too late.
no it is not possible. it would be absolutely pointless.
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I do STILL care about you. And I still care about everyone who still chose to be my friends. That would be Allison, Michael, Jackie, and Lauren. And I care about my new friends too.
God does let things get pulled away. If it's his will, and if he thinks they at least need to take a break until things get straightened out.
I didn't take you for granted. I told you the reasons why this happened.
I do want you back...and that's because I know what a huge mistake I made listening to everyone else.
I love you Ethan. You were my first love. The one I know I truly ever felt those feelings for.
And yeah, I DO want you back. You told me that maybe in a year or so that could happen...What changed???
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That means its completely over?
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2. It was "verified" by many people that I screwed Cordale twice. Once 2 weeks ago. Proves to show you rumors are just that-rumors. I've been grounded for the past month and a half. There's no way I would have been able to get out of my house to have sex with ANYONE!
3. I didn't yell at you. I asked you as politely as I could to stop making up rumors about me. I'm sick of my reputation being fucked over by everyone. Sure some of it is my fault....but I DID NOT have sex.
4. It's not who I am...it's what rumors have made me. It's not something I'm proud of.
5. You think I feed off the drama...I HATE it.
THE END
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it doesnt matter what i think about the situation-i wouldnt put it past you to have fucked cordale and the 23 year old (and you were overheard to have been all pissed off at the school for not letting you bring him...or was that a 25 year old? i cant remember...) the point is-youre different now. whether or not you were different while we were dating or this is just a new development i dont know.
but the only thing youve said in the past few month i agree with was your last statement.
the
end
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And, no I was talking to Kim about Mike, the one you met. The one who goes to my mom and steve's 12-step workshop thing. He's in jail and I was saying how when he gets out we should hang out with him. And, Sprang over-heard, and asked how old he was, and I had to explain the situation. Good thing lucy tells the truth about everything.
I am sorry. But, I cant have people thinking things that are not true about me.
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have you ever considered going to your parents 12 step workshop? you really should. i find it funny that you live with such anti-alcoholics but yet you yourself have no problem with getting so drunk you cant stay sitting in a chair...oh well...thats just you making it easier for street trash to keep using you
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im not an alcoholic. and i wasnt drunk when that happened.
and yeah it also makes it easier for fucking street trash to fucking rape me too i suppose. things DO happen when you are completely sober Ethan. and im sorry that you dont realize that.
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If Lucy told you that, then she is completely lying.
Lucy has never gotten high. She has never smoked pot to my knowledge. And I have definitely not done that with her. And I have never kissed her. We pretended in front of you and Dillon sure, but we have never actually kissed.
And if it wasnt Lucy that told you I find that interesting since they wouldnt have been there. Why would I makeout with her after being so upset with her ruining our entire night. That makes alot of sense. Wow...
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seriously thats really hilarious! yeah...i got one look at a pill bottle before my mom got home and i had to shove it back in the cabinet.
first of all after the dust off thing i vowed never to take pills again. because those days we didnt have the dust off, we took vicaden and valum. i didnt like the way i felt. sick and tired. they're downers, and truthfully it sucked to feel that way. and i never took them again.
second of all. those were two completely different days. i remember because that night she and i were supposed to go to Dan Kennedy's show. after my mom found out about the pill thing she took her home. that night i was allowed to go see Dan but she was not.
we didnt see a movie that night. so there you go. theres the other part of the lie.
thirdly the only time i ever kissed her was when i was high on dust off. and that was a peck that was initiated by her. not me.
theres all the lies wrapped into the truth. i know you cant believe me right now, and i respect that, but at least know that i have the decency to tell you the truth about something that "happened" ages ago.
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