I am sorry for so long i have been as distant as my sanity

[vanishinghope]

my dear, you have worked here for many years? i am guessing because youre nameplate has a slight yellow tint to it. now maybe that only is to say that another such as i merely messed it up in an uncontrollable reaction. but, my beautiful, would you expect any less from us? here we are. bolted down. i have been here for God knows how long. if only you were alowed to tell us my dear, yes salt please, it would make this hell slightly bearable. ha. ha. did i ever tell you about the time i found a stone in here that wrote? ha. ha. ha. it must have fallen from an attendant such as yourself, no i hate gravy, its so unlike my mother's here, on your way in and brushing by security quickly. oh it was so enjoyable. im sure ive told you this one before. oh, i know this is my first time seeing you but as i said darling im sure youve been here for years. i scream my stories at night, you know. i scream them. i wished i could be a writer when i was younger. it was said i had talent. well, said from children only wishing to please me....but i tried to believe it quite often. i took the stone and drew pictures. oh and did i ever write. i would have never, oh i have been given the brown silverware again. i dont see why they wash them, they are plastic. can they really not spend the money for new silverware, my love? oh well i guess the brown is considered to suit me, although that was only one time. i swear it was only one time and it was all too hot. i was to either spit it or let it burn my mouth! it was not my fault why do they continue to punish me my dear? oh please at least wipe it on your shirt first, for it used to be white but that color you see has been attained through lack of attention. i am quite particular, you see, about what covers things. much like you, my dear, who will not speak to pretend to fool the illusionist with the fake lie of not listening. ha. but anyway i drew dead children. i did! i did! they were all dead! i drew my mommy, my daddy, my sister, and ha. ha. then i drew me. but i did not die from knife wounds, which are hard to draw with detail using a stone, i was hanging from a bedsheet. and with the last of the stone i wrote initials on the sheet. ha. ha. that kept them all guessing i'm sure. i'm sure everyone had a second of consideration reading that area. whos are they? the washers must have said. whos sheets took his life? and why should he care to tell us? ha. ha. but i never told. but seeing as how i trust you, my dear, for the many years weve been talking, do you have to pick the pieces that fall on the floor back up? my love, i do not want them then! treat me with slight dignity, my darling! here i am trying to eat while you feed me from the floor! youve been here long enough to know i dont like that sort of thing. ill tell you. it said A.F. thats what it said i swear it! well i was taken from that cell, for they thought it best for me to not see the walls anymore. as if they'd forgotten i was the child who drew it! ha. ha. well when they transfered me i saw more lives than i'd seen in a very long time. i regret i did not see you though. please, a drink, my darling? thankyou. why do they send three men in to restrain me? before you arrive with my dinner they send in three men. did you know this? well they do, i swear, and i am not truly sure why. ha. ha. but only two touch me. the other just stares blankly until he places the cage over my face. but could not one of the two men bolting me down place it across my face? i have wondered this many times but they, much like you my dear, never speak to me. i wish they did. i wish we could talk for as long as you and i. for i feel as if i could never leave you, my love. do you know wht they are scars on my face? do you? tell me if you do. for this story i do not scream every night. it is because, for the beginning of my time in here, i wanted to see ones such as yourself. and most of all, i wanted to hear the sound of real voices. not of the walls i sleep against or of the machines drawing fluids from my arms every so often, but a true human voice. i used to love the sound of it. ha. so i would bite through my cheeks producing festering holes and i would then rub my face against the walls. it would paint them a brown-red color. but it was prettier than grey. it so often would rip my skin from my face though and that would sting. ha. ha. funny i should say that when you placed the spoon through my lips. ha. ha. my love, i saw you pause. i saw it. dont lie because i saw you flinch as you imagined it. i swear. rushing in, they would see the blood and say as quietly and calmly as they could, "medic". that's what they always said! i dreamed to hear that so many times. i loved it. one time i can remember, probably around the time you were first starting to work here, a man actually said it loudly. i swear, i swear! i'm sure you don't believe me, but my love, he did. he said it at an almost yell, no beans please, i never do eat them, into his machine and i could see him shaking. it was, i'm sure, due to the fact that i was standing so close to him. i was restrained still in my clothes but i could have bit him. i could have. and i still wonder if i should have. oh you wont tell anyone, will you beautiful? of course you won't. no. no. i don't want you to leave. please don't go, my love. bring me, what is it, desert! yes, please desert so i may talk with you further! no, sir please, bring her back. i loved her. please! say something! anything! leave the cage! if you remove my cage i will attack you. i will bite through your skin, i swear it! you will speak then to me, now won't you? alright then you've chosen. i apologize because i only wanted to hear your voice, good sir. ha.....ha. ha. ha. i did not lie to you! i told you so! i swore it! did i not?.....ha.ha.ha. you did! you spoke! oh thankyou so very much kind, gentle, sir! thankyou! no. no. get away. i only wanted to hear him speak. no! i did not mean him harm! it was an accident! i do not want it! no! my love! come back! where is my little kitchen girl? help me! they are going to punish me for keeping my promise to him! i swore to him! i did! do not punish me for that! do not! oh please, i miss you so much. i miss her so much. alright. alright. take me where you will just do not-no do not that hurts! no aahh! it hurts! tell her i said goodbye! tell my love i said goodbye! hear me, i am screaming our story! i say goodbye!! i love you! i swear it!!!

:::recorded in 2009:::
:::doctors unknown:::
:::patient:Ethan Paschall:::
:::#1123-4786:::
:::disorder unknown:::
:::died 2011:::
:due to blood loss:::
:::no family contacted:::
:::no previous:::
:aquaintances contacted:::
:::burial location unknown:::

:::hospital has since:::
:been abandoned due:::
:to mistreatment and:::
:::malpractice:::
:::August 15,2013:::
:::MI, USA:::

:::file case closed:::