eek.
so i'm almost done with my first year of college. only one more final exam stands in my way. first aid. no problem.
i've got that anxious, nervous, night before school starts feeling in my stomach right now. it's making me want to puke. why do i feel like that? as weird as this is going to seem, considering how excited i am to be home for the summer, i'm also somewhat scared, i think. i'm afraid of getting close to people again and then not having that, like happened last fall. i'm scared of living with my parents again, and fighting with my mom. we used to fight all the time. i don't want that to start happening again. i'm scared of finding the balance of hanging out with people without some people being insulted. i'm afraid of being rejected in a sense a suppose. you guys have all been functioning completely normally without me, to be expected, what's going to happen when i'm back? (ps these are all just my insecurities...) there's fear of rejection in another situation, but that shall remain vague. i'm nervous about missing lost tomorrow night, since i'll be moving out around the same time.
at the same time though, i'm so pumped to be done with school (til summer classes start) and to be back in cedar falls. there's so much i'm looking forward to about this summer, hanging out with all of you, all the people i love. swinging on tire swings, sleepovers with my brover, sewing more, free movies (haha), just general hang out sweetness, cornerstone, my sister graduating, my baby nephew jackson david is coming sometime this summer. there's so much i'm excited for.
i'm going to miss a few people from down yonder this way. it took time to build relationships that were good, true friendships, but it's happened and i'll be missing some people.
right now i feel so strange. i just keep sitting and staring. and i'm just in a complete blah mood and temperment.
wow. i'm such a freak. haha. you ready to have me back? i sure hope so.
xoxox