If I'm overreacting....may the earth break open a firey hole and suck me in (my arent you brave)
Last night:
Passing in and out of consciousness, I lay in bed clutching at the heart I was sure was about to give out on me. Paralyzed with fear, yet convulsing with terror. At one point I was convinced that the only way out would be to kill myself, but I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to continue living like this. The only thing that stopped me was fear that this what it would feel like to be dead. Bullets of dread and pain ricocheted through each and every nerve. I started hallucinaing, oceans of fire danced with skeletons on my ceiling, and infinity settled over me. Every thought, every malignant entity in the world, every tragedy, every torture was taking residence in my losing mind.
And so beneath this weight lay I, and suffered death but would not die.
This is the best way i can describe the marijuana induced panic attack I had last night. Panic Attack is a gross understatement. Because it is nothing like panic. At all.
Medically:
A Panic Attack is a sudden surge of overwhelming fear that comes without warning and without any obvious reason. It is far more intense than the feeling of being 'stressed out' that most people experience. Symptoms of a panic attack include:
racing heartbeat
difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air'
terror that is almost paralyzing
dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
trembling, sweating, shaking
choking, chest pains
hot flashes, or sudden chills
tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
fear that you're going to go crazy or are about to die
There are people in this world who have panic attacks up to five times a week. Until you have experienced one and until you have EXPERIENCED one you have no way of knowing how terrifyingly horrible they are. Nor do you want to know.
Passing in and out of consciousness, I lay in bed clutching at the heart I was sure was about to give out on me. Paralyzed with fear, yet convulsing with terror. At one point I was convinced that the only way out would be to kill myself, but I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to continue living like this. The only thing that stopped me was fear that this what it would feel like to be dead. Bullets of dread and pain ricocheted through each and every nerve. I started hallucinaing, oceans of fire danced with skeletons on my ceiling, and infinity settled over me. Every thought, every malignant entity in the world, every tragedy, every torture was taking residence in my losing mind.
And so beneath this weight lay I, and suffered death but would not die.
This is the best way i can describe the marijuana induced panic attack I had last night. Panic Attack is a gross understatement. Because it is nothing like panic. At all.
Medically:
A Panic Attack is a sudden surge of overwhelming fear that comes without warning and without any obvious reason. It is far more intense than the feeling of being 'stressed out' that most people experience. Symptoms of a panic attack include:
racing heartbeat
difficulty breathing, feeling as though you 'can't get enough air'
terror that is almost paralyzing
dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
trembling, sweating, shaking
choking, chest pains
hot flashes, or sudden chills
tingling in fingers or toes ('pins and needles')
fear that you're going to go crazy or are about to die
There are people in this world who have panic attacks up to five times a week. Until you have experienced one and until you have EXPERIENCED one you have no way of knowing how terrifyingly horrible they are. Nor do you want to know.