(no subject)
i did it again.
except this time it was worse, because i'm pretty sure i passed my dad on the freeway at about two o'clock. either that or it was someone with the exact same vehicle with the exact same UK license plate on the front. maybe it wasn't even the same, maybe i'm just paranoid. but either way it's got me scared shitless. today was so bad. i would have been better off wanting to die while failing a chemistry test.
i ended up in another city, and i don't even know how. but i just kept driving and pulling over to cry and then controlling myself again and driving some more. and i repeated that process for what seems like a lifetime. i kept going down random side streets and neighborhoods and going till i didn't know where i was anymore. then i'd turn around and drive it all the way back again. just for no reason, to kill time. i finally made myself come home and that's when i think i passed my dad. or... the guy who drives the suv that looks like the one my dad drives. yeah.
if it was him, he might have left a message on my cell phone. i don't know because i'm afraid to turn it on and check. but he didn't leave a message at home anyway, so i don't know. maybe that's a good sign. or maybe it's a bad sign because i need to be caught. but i so could not be less in the mood to listen to a lecture right now. just... no.
and you know what the best part is?
i haven't seen my "friends" in two days and they don't know why and nobody's even bothered to call to see what was up. i feel so loved, really. but who's going to love me anyway when all i do is whine, eh? i feel like a broken record, i need to get some new emotions.
i should call my mom, i haven't talked to her in a month. but i'd start to cry and then she'd start to cry and i don't need to hear her cry.
i just want to feel safe in my own skin
i just want to be happy again
i just want to feel deep in my own world
but i'm so lonely i don’t even want to be with myself anymore
on a different day if i was safe in my own skin
then i wouldn’t feel so lost and so frightened
but this is today and i’m lost in my own skin
and i’m so lonely i don’t even want to be with myself anymore
i just want to feel safe in my own skin
i just want to be happy again
i'll be fine, really.
except this time it was worse, because i'm pretty sure i passed my dad on the freeway at about two o'clock. either that or it was someone with the exact same vehicle with the exact same UK license plate on the front. maybe it wasn't even the same, maybe i'm just paranoid. but either way it's got me scared shitless. today was so bad. i would have been better off wanting to die while failing a chemistry test.
i ended up in another city, and i don't even know how. but i just kept driving and pulling over to cry and then controlling myself again and driving some more. and i repeated that process for what seems like a lifetime. i kept going down random side streets and neighborhoods and going till i didn't know where i was anymore. then i'd turn around and drive it all the way back again. just for no reason, to kill time. i finally made myself come home and that's when i think i passed my dad. or... the guy who drives the suv that looks like the one my dad drives. yeah.
if it was him, he might have left a message on my cell phone. i don't know because i'm afraid to turn it on and check. but he didn't leave a message at home anyway, so i don't know. maybe that's a good sign. or maybe it's a bad sign because i need to be caught. but i so could not be less in the mood to listen to a lecture right now. just... no.
and you know what the best part is?
i haven't seen my "friends" in two days and they don't know why and nobody's even bothered to call to see what was up. i feel so loved, really. but who's going to love me anyway when all i do is whine, eh? i feel like a broken record, i need to get some new emotions.
i should call my mom, i haven't talked to her in a month. but i'd start to cry and then she'd start to cry and i don't need to hear her cry.
i just want to feel safe in my own skin
i just want to be happy again
i just want to feel deep in my own world
but i'm so lonely i don’t even want to be with myself anymore
on a different day if i was safe in my own skin
then i wouldn’t feel so lost and so frightened
but this is today and i’m lost in my own skin
and i’m so lonely i don’t even want to be with myself anymore
i just want to feel safe in my own skin
i just want to be happy again
i'll be fine, really.