Purge
Everytime I'm in a new place filled with new experiences, I try to look back at what I have been through.
I realize now that I was quite a naive little girl when I entered college. I was proud, arrogant, and I thought I was better than most people. Especially in volleyball, I thought I was one of the best. In other words, mayabang.
Then if you recall, I got cut out of the team after my first year. The reason? New coaching staff. Some kind of cleansing tactic. Up to this day, I don't think it was necessary, especially with the way it was done. All of a sudden, after a big party at the house of the Sorianos my indoor career was just over. I was absent when we were told because I had gone to a funeral so I was told by a teammate through yahoo messenger.
Yes I was a stupid little girl, but I don't think I deserved that. It is a painful memory that I still find myself dealing with after almost ten years. Other painful memories I find myself thinking about until today? One particular game of beach volleyball where we found ourselves competing with fellow Ateneo teammates, I recall them hiding towels that the admin had given them. Towels they were supposed to be hiding from us. Why? I don't know, but if you put two and two together, its because it only makes sense that we should have towels because we were beach volleyball players but the admin didn't want to give us any. Probably another cleansing tactic. i think it was hard for me knowing that they intentionally hid it from us. But we knew. We're not stupid. Again, was that really necessary? Do you understand how twisted that is?
I was so lost, I buried myself in beach volleyball training. I'm not even sure if that was really a second chance, or a pity party. We never won gold except in Petron. I can argue that up until today our beach volleyball team has not won a gold either except during Charo, Patti, and Karla's time.
I am writing this as a way to purge these feelings. I want to get rid of these painful memories because everytime I see a volleyball game, I shut the tv. My heart shuts down. I don't want to be that kind of person, now that I am already on my way to somewhere new. I always pray about this, because I want to forget. I want my heart to heal. Its been way too long.
I realize now that I was quite a naive little girl when I entered college. I was proud, arrogant, and I thought I was better than most people. Especially in volleyball, I thought I was one of the best. In other words, mayabang.
Then if you recall, I got cut out of the team after my first year. The reason? New coaching staff. Some kind of cleansing tactic. Up to this day, I don't think it was necessary, especially with the way it was done. All of a sudden, after a big party at the house of the Sorianos my indoor career was just over. I was absent when we were told because I had gone to a funeral so I was told by a teammate through yahoo messenger.
Yes I was a stupid little girl, but I don't think I deserved that. It is a painful memory that I still find myself dealing with after almost ten years. Other painful memories I find myself thinking about until today? One particular game of beach volleyball where we found ourselves competing with fellow Ateneo teammates, I recall them hiding towels that the admin had given them. Towels they were supposed to be hiding from us. Why? I don't know, but if you put two and two together, its because it only makes sense that we should have towels because we were beach volleyball players but the admin didn't want to give us any. Probably another cleansing tactic. i think it was hard for me knowing that they intentionally hid it from us. But we knew. We're not stupid. Again, was that really necessary? Do you understand how twisted that is?
I was so lost, I buried myself in beach volleyball training. I'm not even sure if that was really a second chance, or a pity party. We never won gold except in Petron. I can argue that up until today our beach volleyball team has not won a gold either except during Charo, Patti, and Karla's time.
I am writing this as a way to purge these feelings. I want to get rid of these painful memories because everytime I see a volleyball game, I shut the tv. My heart shuts down. I don't want to be that kind of person, now that I am already on my way to somewhere new. I always pray about this, because I want to forget. I want my heart to heal. Its been way too long.