The wolf is at the door
I know I haven't been around much lately. That's largely because I've been trying to contain my freaking out and that's not working anymore.
Basically, I have no money. Or, if you want to get technical, I've got maybe $10 in loose change, which isn't going to fill my gas tank, much less pay my bills. Even if I somehow magically got a job tomorrow (and I'm not holding my breath), I wouldn't have enough gas to get back and forth until I could collect a paycheck, and if they're one of those companies that holds back a week...anyway, I need money to keep the lights on, the insurance paid and to put some gas in the car. The sporadic "free" internet won't do me any good if I don't have power.
I'm not worried about food, that's not the problem. It's all the stuff that food stamps won't buy that's the problem. Like gas, which is crucial. Electricity, ditto. And insurance, because they will suspend your driver's license if your car insurance lapses, and hit you with a fuckton of fines besides, especially if they catch you. Living in Florida, if you let your home owner's coverage lapse, you'll *never* get it back. Even after 35+ years with the same company. And all this shit is due on the last day of the month, IE, NEXT FRIDAY, so the situation is DIRE.
I have already sold off everything I have to sell, namely coins and jewelery. I even sold my dad's service pins---he worked for Gulf Oil for 30+ years, and he got little gold tie-tacks on every five-year anniversary---they're gone. I *never* thought I'd sell those, but I did. I've borrowed money from everyone I know, and I'm out of resources.
And NO, Florida Power and Light can't/won't help me, and neither will any of the local charities. Because the FPL account is in my dad's name, and he's been dead since 1985, and the last time I asked about it, they wanted an $800 deposit to put it in my name, so clearly, I'm SCREWED. The name on the account is also an issue with the charities, but they've also got a policy of not helping persons who are out of work, because what will we do next month? The answer to which is, I don't fucking KNOW, but cut me a fucking break. I never asked for help when I WAS working.
I've reached the point where my brain is short-circuiting from anxiety. I'm staying home to save gas, fiddling around with mindless things like sorting clothes, shelving books, writing things that are entertainingly distracting but not productive, hyper-ventilating a lot and whimpering when I go down to the mailbox. I'm at the point where I'm so paralyzed and discouraged, I'm sure any potential employer is going to sneer at my desperation. I may very well be the most useless human being on the face of the planet.
Anyway, if you're reading this and you can help, I'm begging. My PayPal is vanillafluffy at yahoo dot com. PM me if you need a snailmail address for cash or maybe a 7-11 gift card for a visit to the pump. If you have a rich uncle who's looking to adopt (or maybe for a non-trophy wife), I'm available. Boost the signal if you're so inclined, or just pray for a miracle, because at this point, that's what it feels like I need.
Help?
.
Basically, I have no money. Or, if you want to get technical, I've got maybe $10 in loose change, which isn't going to fill my gas tank, much less pay my bills. Even if I somehow magically got a job tomorrow (and I'm not holding my breath), I wouldn't have enough gas to get back and forth until I could collect a paycheck, and if they're one of those companies that holds back a week...anyway, I need money to keep the lights on, the insurance paid and to put some gas in the car. The sporadic "free" internet won't do me any good if I don't have power.
I'm not worried about food, that's not the problem. It's all the stuff that food stamps won't buy that's the problem. Like gas, which is crucial. Electricity, ditto. And insurance, because they will suspend your driver's license if your car insurance lapses, and hit you with a fuckton of fines besides, especially if they catch you. Living in Florida, if you let your home owner's coverage lapse, you'll *never* get it back. Even after 35+ years with the same company. And all this shit is due on the last day of the month, IE, NEXT FRIDAY, so the situation is DIRE.
I have already sold off everything I have to sell, namely coins and jewelery. I even sold my dad's service pins---he worked for Gulf Oil for 30+ years, and he got little gold tie-tacks on every five-year anniversary---they're gone. I *never* thought I'd sell those, but I did. I've borrowed money from everyone I know, and I'm out of resources.
And NO, Florida Power and Light can't/won't help me, and neither will any of the local charities. Because the FPL account is in my dad's name, and he's been dead since 1985, and the last time I asked about it, they wanted an $800 deposit to put it in my name, so clearly, I'm SCREWED. The name on the account is also an issue with the charities, but they've also got a policy of not helping persons who are out of work, because what will we do next month? The answer to which is, I don't fucking KNOW, but cut me a fucking break. I never asked for help when I WAS working.
I've reached the point where my brain is short-circuiting from anxiety. I'm staying home to save gas, fiddling around with mindless things like sorting clothes, shelving books, writing things that are entertainingly distracting but not productive, hyper-ventilating a lot and whimpering when I go down to the mailbox. I'm at the point where I'm so paralyzed and discouraged, I'm sure any potential employer is going to sneer at my desperation. I may very well be the most useless human being on the face of the planet.
Anyway, if you're reading this and you can help, I'm begging. My PayPal is vanillafluffy at yahoo dot com. PM me if you need a snailmail address for cash or maybe a 7-11 gift card for a visit to the pump. If you have a rich uncle who's looking to adopt (or maybe for a non-trophy wife), I'm available. Boost the signal if you're so inclined, or just pray for a miracle, because at this point, that's what it feels like I need.
Help?
.