Lunatic Fringe
*head against ground* Oh... Life. *bangs head*
I finally attended a History Class (While not going to Classics or Anthropology) and well.. I wrote my assignment in 10 minutes and left. But, I don't feel happy about it Orz. I missed two classes and I think the two people I talked to dropped so I sit alone up front and everyone sits in the back. And... I don't know. Everyone complains about how they hate that class but I love it so I feel very distanced from them. Then I started being a lunatic today and while everyone was talking about their weekend plans and summer and future...
Not like, getting up or causing a fuss but I ... tend to daydream... a lot. Especially when I need mental support so I started heavily daydreaming about this one guy named 'Klaus' cheering me on and reassuring me I'll do all right on the assignment. *head against ground* But I actually kept mentally budding in saying 'You're not real'. And now I'm at home having a mental fit going 'What if you failed! WHY haven't you learned your lesson about opening your mouth at the beginning of the term!? What if everyone hates you? AHHH!'
*bangs head more*
When I walked home I kept thinking about this quote from Margaret Thatcher saying you should 'Never wear your heart on your sleeve. Keep it inside your chest where it belongs!' and I went 'Yes!' But then I started thinking about Lady Diana and how I love her for being so gentle and sweet and emotional. *head slap* Then I thought of Queen Victoria, Queen Elizabeth, and the Queen now and I went 'Yes, they never show their emotions or act like a lunatic!' And then I sort of remembered they are Queens and I am not.
*Another head slap*
I need to keep reminding myself to be more like a lady and the Queens and I always forget. I am sort of hoping that there's a history class at our school on the powerful women through the times so I can take that and learn from them as opposed to... well.. being a lunatic. For now, though, I'm going to dig into some bread pudding and bang my head against the carpet for a while.