random things and the thin line
i've been doodling with markers and with photos. i feel happy that i feel like being doodle-y.
i'm drawing inside a card... i just haven't decided who to send it to yet. i've been romanticizing the idea of sending and receiving letters. anyone want to be pen pals? practice a dying art-form??
seriously. could be fun
pixelsrzen posts some thought provoking things for me recently. (i don't think he'd mind if i shared the thought stream) it's something that has occupied my mind and some conversations since i've read his description of an alter-ego or, rather, a what if i had done "A" instead of "B" scenario. who would i be.... where would i have gone.... what would i be doing. parallel universes and such.
my friend is also a buddhist, and while i don't claim any one particular religion, i do adhere to the importance of realizing how accepting reality removes much of our self-inflicted pain, and how inability to face reality as it is, causes us more suffering than a soul deserves.
i've spent a great deal of the past several years lamenting the loss of my alter-ego. i miss her. i'm not sure when she actually walked out the door - could have been when i first left home at 17, or when i quit college to welcome my daughter into the world. maybe it was when i asked her father sperm-donor to grow up or get walking.....and he did. and never turned back.
i thought i caught a glimpse of her when i was the single mom trying to be both parents, but looking for "mr. right" just to be safe. she would never have been satisfied with settling for what i did at times. by the time i remarried and gained three more kids, that carefree spirit of a woman was nothing but a faint memory.
i don't want to spend any more time filled with regret over letting her leave. maybe it's not so bad that the bitch is gone.... this woman that remains may be more than she ever could have been. i think i'll spend some time gazing at the me that's really in the mirror instead of looking for the fantasy woman to come back. it's time to stop seeing myself through the reflections in other's eyes to feel acceptance and love. time to sprinkle some of that good-lovin' on my own self.
narcissistic? perhaps. but then there is a thin line between self-reflection and self-absorption...an even thinner one between reality and fantasy. learn to walk the tightrope or trip on that gossamer thread.
i have a zillion other things floating in my skull...
btw, daddies....happy father's day. there are so many of you that i like and love :) big shout out for the "Y" chromosome!
i'm drawing inside a card... i just haven't decided who to send it to yet. i've been romanticizing the idea of sending and receiving letters. anyone want to be pen pals? practice a dying art-form??
seriously. could be fun
pixelsrzen posts some thought provoking things for me recently. (i don't think he'd mind if i shared the thought stream) it's something that has occupied my mind and some conversations since i've read his description of an alter-ego or, rather, a what if i had done "A" instead of "B" scenario. who would i be.... where would i have gone.... what would i be doing. parallel universes and such.
my friend is also a buddhist, and while i don't claim any one particular religion, i do adhere to the importance of realizing how accepting reality removes much of our self-inflicted pain, and how inability to face reality as it is, causes us more suffering than a soul deserves.
i've spent a great deal of the past several years lamenting the loss of my alter-ego. i miss her. i'm not sure when she actually walked out the door - could have been when i first left home at 17, or when i quit college to welcome my daughter into the world. maybe it was when i asked her father sperm-donor to grow up or get walking.....and he did. and never turned back.
i thought i caught a glimpse of her when i was the single mom trying to be both parents, but looking for "mr. right" just to be safe. she would never have been satisfied with settling for what i did at times. by the time i remarried and gained three more kids, that carefree spirit of a woman was nothing but a faint memory.
i don't want to spend any more time filled with regret over letting her leave. maybe it's not so bad that the bitch is gone.... this woman that remains may be more than she ever could have been. i think i'll spend some time gazing at the me that's really in the mirror instead of looking for the fantasy woman to come back. it's time to stop seeing myself through the reflections in other's eyes to feel acceptance and love. time to sprinkle some of that good-lovin' on my own self.
narcissistic? perhaps. but then there is a thin line between self-reflection and self-absorption...an even thinner one between reality and fantasy. learn to walk the tightrope or trip on that gossamer thread.
i have a zillion other things floating in my skull...
btw, daddies....happy father's day. there are so many of you that i like and love :) big shout out for the "Y" chromosome!