Back!

Dec 14, 2003 20:21

So I’m back. I’ll only be around sporadically until New Year, since I’m back home with the twin evils of off peak dial-up access only and interfering parents.

So Friday to Sunday I was down in London. Had a great time. The LotR exhibition was absolutley fantastic! Got back to find my laptop had died. Fortunately I have back ups of most of my stuff (although my CoRo collection is no more).

Anything in your journals you want to point to me too leave a comment, else I’ll probably miss it.

Tried writing some fic, however attempts at Andrew/Anya have produced suckitude surpassed only by what is currently passing for my Dawnficathon entry. (I hope to have that finished for the end of Monday. Anyone willing to beta?).

In a fit of insomnia last night finally managed to finish a fic, Fred/Giles for some bizarre reason. Anyone asks, I’ll blame sleep deprivation.

She’s babbling on about some obscure branch of particle physics again. You’d find it endearing if it didn’t make you feel so damn old. Her audience of colleagues is fascinated, but you’re content to wait. In the past you had always considered yourself quite au fait with such topics but the superficiality of your knowledge soon become apparent. Science is moving so fast nowadays.

She’s brilliant and beautiful, so much concealed in a mere slip of a girl, and next to her you appear positively Jurassic.

Really you should end the whole affair right now, while you can still retreat with some dignity. She’s far too young to be lumbered with a battered old battleaxe like you. She deserves so much more.

It’s a thought that has plagued you for some time now. You’d always noticed the knowing looks tossed in your direction as you walk with your arm around her waist but it’s only recently that you’ve begun to care.

She took you down to her laboratory once, delirious over some new gadget or the other. Standing in that clean, clinical space, you shuddered. You told her that it was with cold.

It’s a new world out there now. The pace of change is almost beyond your ability to keep up with it all. A Watcher should always be prepared to sacrifice the dead wood, unencumbered by emotion.

You have to tell her, now before it becomes too late. Think of it as setting her free. You push back memories of her head resting against your shoulder, her hands running over your chest, the smile on her face in the morning, the feel of her body clinging to yours. You try to forget the first time your hands touched, early fractured conversations that evolved into lengthy discussions over magic and science and the philosophy of life which only ended in the surprise of sunrise. She makes you happy, she makes you young, but it’s not about you. It can’t be about you anymore.

Unable to look at her directly, you beckon her outside to privacy. Her conversation falters as she makes her excuses and leaves. You know exactly what you need to say. The various phrases fill your mind so you don’t have to think of what you are about to lose.

You pause a moment to ensure a steady voice. There must be no doubt. It will be easier on both of you this way.

When you meet her eyes, you see the joy your presence brings her. She takes your hand in her own, making your carefully prepared words flee and all you can is kiss her.

fic, personal, giles, het, fred

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