SO FUCKING FED UP!
I'm to the point again where I don't see the point. Yesterday sucked really bad, today wasn't any sweeter. I'm so fucking sick of being poor. I'm so sick of working my ass off for volunteer things while other people are working and bettering their lives for THEMSELVES. Meanwhile...I'm just Katie Lett going out of my financial means to try and help other people. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of coming last. I'm sick of losing. I'm sick of Kelly. So sick of her shit. I'm sick of being the better friend in that friendship. I'm sick of stressing out over her. She doesn't deserve it. I'm sick of her lies. I don't see the point anymore. I don't see the point in volunteering. I never get respect, I just get trampled on. I have been working my butt off organizing an entire suicide walk....organizing college students to walk with me on oct. 4....organizing a huge team to walk in honor of derik on oct 12th. I've made a thousand phone calls, to people I know and to people I don't...I have pulled numerous strings and for what? To lose yet again. After all I've done for kelly she doesn't care. Will she ever give a shit? Probably not. She has the worst life in the history of the world, according to her, and she thinks everyone needs to wipe her ass. Well, I'm done. I deleted her from my phone...deleted all pictures of her on my myspace...I want to delete her from my brain. The amount of stress I feel as a result of our friendship is unreal. I have migraines, stress stomach aches, I can't sleep and I'm depressed. I'm very depressed. Once I hit a rut, which I have, its so hard to get out of it. She brings me down. I do so much for her and it all goes unappreciated, I feel. I feel as though the things I do, or try to do don't matter...so why even bother and waste my time anymore. I don't want to. All I want to do is go to college and get a job and worry about myself. I want to join the peace corp and do what I want to do. I don't want to feel held back by my supposed "best" friend in memphis. I want to leave that town far behind. I'm soooo sick of everything. I'm sick of being poor. I'm sick of my parents having to save me financially. I'm sick of not having money. I'm sick of applying to a million EFFING places and NO ONE will hire me. I'm sick of feeling like a fucking failiure in everything that I do. I"m sick of being held back. I'm so frustrated with our economy. Gas prices suck. I just want to be sucessful and as hard as I look...I can't see that happening. Basically I"m just searching for a point and a meaning.