fight the power.
I haven't written in this journal for over 2 years..mainly because i gave up on LJ and there's now myspace but i don't like using the blog they provide..i just keep track of the songs that i put on my myspace haha but i just felt like writing because alot of shit has been happening.
My father passed away in February, and everyday i think about it..sometimes because I HAVE to be reminded of it because my mother always has to say something depressing like how she should have been the one who died or that God is a bastard for taking him blah blah blah. Sometimes i can't take her and i wind up snaping on her because i don't fucking get her and it's annoying. Me and her never did get along to begin with and this scenario isn't exactally helping our relationship. I just need to get out of this place and go somewhere far away because i've been in the suburbs way too long.
On another note, even though there was tragic circumstances that occur-ed in February..i managed to find a boyfriend that i can tolerate, and we have been together for more than 3 months now. We finally reached a big disagreement in our relationship, and we both want the opposite of what eachother wants. It just sucks because I can NEVER be what he wants me to be, i'm actually going through it right now and it's killing me inside, i'm very depressed and angry plus alittle stressed out..i just need IT. I believe that because we want different things, i don't know if we're still gonna be in a relationship and it tears me up inside because the whole thing is stupid and not really a reason to end a relationship but it is a main topic ALOT of couples have to deal with.
I try to make myself a better person for my boyfriend, but it just seems like i'm not good enough or what he's looking for in a partner. Uggghhh i just feel like crying my eyes out but i get mad and even more depressed because i do it.
A couple weeks ago when i was feeling really depressed, i turned back to my old decoy i used to do when i was younger which isn't good at all..so in other words i need to talk to someone about my mental state. I don't get how everything "happens for a reason" it just doesn't make any sense sometimes..
My father passed away in February, and everyday i think about it..sometimes because I HAVE to be reminded of it because my mother always has to say something depressing like how she should have been the one who died or that God is a bastard for taking him blah blah blah. Sometimes i can't take her and i wind up snaping on her because i don't fucking get her and it's annoying. Me and her never did get along to begin with and this scenario isn't exactally helping our relationship. I just need to get out of this place and go somewhere far away because i've been in the suburbs way too long.
On another note, even though there was tragic circumstances that occur-ed in February..i managed to find a boyfriend that i can tolerate, and we have been together for more than 3 months now. We finally reached a big disagreement in our relationship, and we both want the opposite of what eachother wants. It just sucks because I can NEVER be what he wants me to be, i'm actually going through it right now and it's killing me inside, i'm very depressed and angry plus alittle stressed out..i just need IT. I believe that because we want different things, i don't know if we're still gonna be in a relationship and it tears me up inside because the whole thing is stupid and not really a reason to end a relationship but it is a main topic ALOT of couples have to deal with.
I try to make myself a better person for my boyfriend, but it just seems like i'm not good enough or what he's looking for in a partner. Uggghhh i just feel like crying my eyes out but i get mad and even more depressed because i do it.
A couple weeks ago when i was feeling really depressed, i turned back to my old decoy i used to do when i was younger which isn't good at all..so in other words i need to talk to someone about my mental state. I don't get how everything "happens for a reason" it just doesn't make any sense sometimes..