My Thoughts on Huge Crossover Events
I've pretty much been doing nothing but reading a bunch of comics for the past week. Because comics are that medium that will punch you in the gut and suck you in by virtual of their sheer insanity. Talking gorillas, evil space starfish, people in bright costumes, it's really all anyone needs in any genre ever. Anyone who objects to this is stupid.
So to catch up I've been reading the big EVENTS! that are kind of important until the next retcon.
Marvel: Civil War
First off, the "Who Side Are You On?" thing is stupid. That's not even a question. Oh, I wonder who's right, the rich, alcoholic asshole or the guy who fought Hitler. Let me think for a minute. Is it Captain Fucking America? I have a feeling it is.
That's the entire problem with this set up. You can't have an event and pretend there's a moral debate to have and both sides have legitimate points and should be considered and then put Captain America on one team. He's Captain America. His very name implies he's right. Sure, in these cynical times it's hip and cool to hate America but he's not today's America. He's the old, cool America. The kind that saved puppies from Nazis. He's like your grandpa, if your grandpa was a badass rather than a crazy racist bastard.
It's like if DC did an event and had hero picks sides. All you have to do is wait around and see who Superman sides with. They're right. Sure, kids today want to say Batman is cooler but really, does that have anything to do with their actual character as opposed to wanting to look badass by picking the guy in a black cape? No it doesn't. Maybe if it was Batgirl versus Supergirl, then Team Bats has the advantage. But not in the patriarch set. Batman has made plans that have gotten the whole JLA nearly killed, started a massive gang war that got his sidekick killed (that he then blamed on an old woman, because Batman is a tool), built evil robots that tried to take over the universe, and fuck knows what else. Batman is cool, sure, but look at his track record.
In a DC debate where it's Batman versus Superman that answer is to see which side The Flash picks. Because Flashes are the people that go off and die in Crisises because the rest of the heroes are too busy being jackasses. Also Barry Allen was snapping bad guys' necks before snapping necks was cool. Fuck yeah.
Marvel: Secret Invasion
The quality of this in my opinion is decided entirely by the Runaways/Young Avengers crossover. If they make it all about the Runaways, it sucks. Because what is their deal? Oh, their parents were evil. Whoop-di-fucking-do. The other team has the kids of Scarlet Witch, you know, the daughter of Magneto who has tried to take over the world and kill all humans how many times now? And Scarlet Witch killed her husband and teammates by accident and then fucked up the entire universe because her badtouch twin told her to. In comparison whining about your parents sacrificing a couple kids to aliens/demons/whatever looks really retarded.
DC: Final Crisis
I'm reading two books of this. The Flash Rogues Revenge and Legion of Three Worlds.
I'm reading the Rogues' because it's the only decent characterization of Flash villains we're going to get for awhile. Now, I like the new run of Flash. Wally and his superfamily is a fun idea, also him laying the smack down on Batman for running his mouth off is always fun. Oh, I'm endangering children? You've gone through four Robins. Don't make me drop you off Mount Everest before you can blink. But Flash's classic villains don't mesh with that tone because what makes them different from other ones is that they're semi-decent guys, they don't beat up small children. Okay, Weather Wizard tried to kidnap and kill his infant son but that was to absorb his power. If you put on a stupid suit and steal shit you're obligated by comic book law to try and kill and absorb the power of any child you might have. Or raise them to be evil, but Weather Wizard is way too lazy for that. Flash rogues are my favorite villains ever. They're unionized in the only team up of supervillains that has ever worked longer than a crossover in DC comic history. They fight a guy who runs at the speed of light by freezing shit and somehow are total badass for it. They're fucking insane in a quiet, everyday way that almost makes sense. And Geoff Johns writes them better than anyone.
Now the other book is the Legion of Superheroes, which is basically if you took the greatest superpowered guys of all time, put them on one team, and then threw them into the future to blow up shit in space. This concept is by it's very nature incredibly fucking awesome. Legion of Three Worlds is what it says on the box. All three versions of the team from the Crisis-induced reboots in one huge crossover blowing up shit in space to an exponential degree. You don't get more comic book than that without talking gorillas. And they're suppose to bring Bart Allen back, which alone should make you read it.
So to catch up I've been reading the big EVENTS! that are kind of important until the next retcon.
Marvel: Civil War
First off, the "Who Side Are You On?" thing is stupid. That's not even a question. Oh, I wonder who's right, the rich, alcoholic asshole or the guy who fought Hitler. Let me think for a minute. Is it Captain Fucking America? I have a feeling it is.
That's the entire problem with this set up. You can't have an event and pretend there's a moral debate to have and both sides have legitimate points and should be considered and then put Captain America on one team. He's Captain America. His very name implies he's right. Sure, in these cynical times it's hip and cool to hate America but he's not today's America. He's the old, cool America. The kind that saved puppies from Nazis. He's like your grandpa, if your grandpa was a badass rather than a crazy racist bastard.
It's like if DC did an event and had hero picks sides. All you have to do is wait around and see who Superman sides with. They're right. Sure, kids today want to say Batman is cooler but really, does that have anything to do with their actual character as opposed to wanting to look badass by picking the guy in a black cape? No it doesn't. Maybe if it was Batgirl versus Supergirl, then Team Bats has the advantage. But not in the patriarch set. Batman has made plans that have gotten the whole JLA nearly killed, started a massive gang war that got his sidekick killed (that he then blamed on an old woman, because Batman is a tool), built evil robots that tried to take over the universe, and fuck knows what else. Batman is cool, sure, but look at his track record.
In a DC debate where it's Batman versus Superman that answer is to see which side The Flash picks. Because Flashes are the people that go off and die in Crisises because the rest of the heroes are too busy being jackasses. Also Barry Allen was snapping bad guys' necks before snapping necks was cool. Fuck yeah.
Marvel: Secret Invasion
The quality of this in my opinion is decided entirely by the Runaways/Young Avengers crossover. If they make it all about the Runaways, it sucks. Because what is their deal? Oh, their parents were evil. Whoop-di-fucking-do. The other team has the kids of Scarlet Witch, you know, the daughter of Magneto who has tried to take over the world and kill all humans how many times now? And Scarlet Witch killed her husband and teammates by accident and then fucked up the entire universe because her badtouch twin told her to. In comparison whining about your parents sacrificing a couple kids to aliens/demons/whatever looks really retarded.
DC: Final Crisis
I'm reading two books of this. The Flash Rogues Revenge and Legion of Three Worlds.
I'm reading the Rogues' because it's the only decent characterization of Flash villains we're going to get for awhile. Now, I like the new run of Flash. Wally and his superfamily is a fun idea, also him laying the smack down on Batman for running his mouth off is always fun. Oh, I'm endangering children? You've gone through four Robins. Don't make me drop you off Mount Everest before you can blink. But Flash's classic villains don't mesh with that tone because what makes them different from other ones is that they're semi-decent guys, they don't beat up small children. Okay, Weather Wizard tried to kidnap and kill his infant son but that was to absorb his power. If you put on a stupid suit and steal shit you're obligated by comic book law to try and kill and absorb the power of any child you might have. Or raise them to be evil, but Weather Wizard is way too lazy for that. Flash rogues are my favorite villains ever. They're unionized in the only team up of supervillains that has ever worked longer than a crossover in DC comic history. They fight a guy who runs at the speed of light by freezing shit and somehow are total badass for it. They're fucking insane in a quiet, everyday way that almost makes sense. And Geoff Johns writes them better than anyone.
Now the other book is the Legion of Superheroes, which is basically if you took the greatest superpowered guys of all time, put them on one team, and then threw them into the future to blow up shit in space. This concept is by it's very nature incredibly fucking awesome. Legion of Three Worlds is what it says on the box. All three versions of the team from the Crisis-induced reboots in one huge crossover blowing up shit in space to an exponential degree. You don't get more comic book than that without talking gorillas. And they're suppose to bring Bart Allen back, which alone should make you read it.