(no subject)
There was a certain sterility that a police interrogation room had. Even with the lights dimmed down low there was a starkness. He gathered Hotch was trying to be respectful, but the fact that he did have a fear of the dark made the situation tedious and borderline discomforting.
No, his eyes traveled up to where Hotch was glaring at him, this wasn’t borderline at all. This was in fact uncomfortable. The police were still recovering the two other bodies that Professor Walker had gone through the troubles collecting before the BAU could officially pack it in and leave. In the meanwhile, Rossi and Seaver were interrogating the man, and Prentiss and Morgan were assisting in the search and recovery of the bodies of last deceased victims.
“You lied to me, Reid. I want answers.”
“I can’t give them to you, Hotch.” Reid said his name in such a way that he was sure Aaron understood where the dilemma came from. “I don’t have all the answers.”
“Why were you late?” Hotch knew Reid would know what he meant. He always did, that was what usually made them fit so well together, they didn’t carry around excess conversations to come to understandings, anything they said was to deepen those already-there feelings and readings.
“I wasn’t. I got there just before Garcia was ready.”
“You know what I mean.”
“And I have some rights to privacy, Hotch! If you’d like I could recite the HIPAA to…” Reid turned his head away, that had been so stupid to say. Now Hotch would have a direction to lead him in, and the man was damn good at interrogations.
He expected the hard approach, go for the clean kill, he had to get around that. As long as he did that he’d be fine, or so he thought. The chair pulled out beside him.
“Is that what this is about…? Is it serious, Reid?” There’s an urgency, and in that moment Reid recalls that Hotch isn’t interrogating an unsub, he’s conversing with his lover and he’s frightened. He felt like such a cad.
“I… I don’t know. It might be.” He lowered his head, “…I think it is.”
“Headaches?”
Reid’s head snapped up, “No! No, I told you I was pretending to have a…”
“Spencer! I can tell. This whole case, on the jet there, you sat in the darkest corner, you’ve been wearing your sunglasses any time you’re around bright lights. Why are you trying to hide this from me? If it was just a headache there’d be no reason to…” Aaron’s fists balled on the table, that’s right, if it were just that there’d be no reason to lie. His hand cupped Reid’s hand and squeezed gently. “What else are you not telling me?”
A sound in the back of Spencer’s throat worked out, between a sob and a gasp of pain or shame, Aaron knew it was serious. Then again, it had to be, Spencer wasn’t one to dole out lies let alone for petty reasons. That’s what made them so obvious when he did.
“According to HIPAA…”
“Spencer!” Aaron’s hand tightened almost crushing Spencer’s hand underneath, “Are you going to be okay?”
“How should I know?! I… I’m terrified, okay? I have no idea what’s causing everything but it’s messed up and it’s something I can’t talk about.”
“It almost got you shot today. Your head isn’t in this. If you need time off- medical leave, I can arrange it. You don’t have to tell me what, but…”
“No! No one can know about this. I… I can use some of my vacation days and wait for the results to come back, I’ll know more soon… and once I have some answers, some solid answers, we can talk about this.”
Aaron brushed his hand down Spencer’s cheek. “We’ll talk more about this when we get home.”
“Yeah… I figured you’d say that. Hotch, Morgan doesn’t need to babysit me, I’m able to handle myself.”
“With a pipe, apparently.” For a moment, Hotch ruffles Reid’s hair before realizing professionalism demands higher standards and instead settles on a hand to the shoulder. He doesn’t admit that he heard what the victim had said to Reid, or that he had seen him hand him a bracelet. But he duly noted that Spencer had worn it the next day before leaving for an unknown purpose.
When Spencer was a no-show for lunch AND dinner…? He didn’t know what to think, but he knew where he’d find him.
This time, he wouldn’t give a deferment. This time, he wasn’t going to leave until Spencer told him all that he knew on the subject. He stole himself for a long conversation as he made his way to Reid’s apartment. However, he did not prepare to see the break-down or eruption of long-held tensions in the form of broken furniture, glasses, dishes, and anything he could easily smash and replace.
No, that had struck him as an unpredicted outcome.
“Spencer? What the hell happened here?”
“Damn it Aaron, I told you when I had the answers I’d tell you, you weren’t supposed to come over!” The young man sat indignantly on the floor with his legs crossed and head bowed. The light bulbs were also on the list of broken things, Aaron noted when the light switch failed to illuminate the room when put in the proper on position.
He had a firm suspicion Reid was crying.
“Spencer…”
“I’m going to a different doctor, maybe one who didn’t get a degree from a cracker-jack box this time.”
“…What did he say?”
“He’s wrong, it doesn’t matter what he said because he’s WRONG!”
There was a crunch sound, Aaron squinted trying to see what had caused it, and he could see it barely illuminated by the light in the hallway, in Spencer’s hand, a now crushed light bulb and fat viscous and dark fluid beading around it.
“Jesus, Spencer your hand… it’s bleeding!” Aaron forced himself past the mess and into the epicenter of the room- the focal point of destruction one Dr. Spencer Reid- before hauling him up by the arm with the bloody hand and hoped to God Spencer’s rampage hadn’t made it to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.
With a bit of swearing after the flip of the switch, Aaron was happy to learn Spencer had not in fact managed to get that far through his own apartment as he self-destructed. There were only so many reasons Spencer would self-destruct, that alone was enough of an answer, now if only he could flesh it out of his lover and get him to open up and not just have to know it in silence.
“Just leave me alone, my head hurts and I don’t want to deal with this…” He was trying to be dismissive, but the caustic tone begged for Aaron to stay, not leave despite what the words were.
“Oh, so now you’re not pretending to have a headache?”
“I get it! You’re mad I lied, like you’re always 100% honest, Aaron? How IS your hearing in the right ear, anyway? 85%, 80%, maybe 75%? What?”
Aaron let the venomous tone wash over him, he knew redirected hostility when he saw it, but he doubted Spencer could take any more of his own venom on himself, not with the red all over the sink and his hand. Christ he didn’t think an ace bandage and gauze would be enough to fix that. They’ll have to go to the ER…
“Tell me what is happening, I can help if I know.”
“How the hell could you help?!”
“How the hell can’t I try to?” Hotch countered, “I’m not walking out on us, on this… so start talking because the ER is going to be crowded with eavesdroppers and you’re more private than that. I’m not going to stop until you own up to it though.”
Aaron punctuated it by tightening the ace bandage around the cut to slow the bleeding. Spencer winced sharply, then launched an aggressive attack- hands one bandaged the other not, grabbing both sides of Aaron’s face and kissing him fiercely, teeth clacking together initially with his forward thrust in the kiss, Aaron steadied them, pulling the information from Spencer in that kiss, as if he could read his lover’s body more clearly than his mind.
“Nothing can change this. Not between us, I won’t let it.” He kissed Spencer this time, guiding him through the trashed apartment and to the closet to get out a coat. “I’m not like your father, I won’t walk out on you just because life gets complicated or hard.”
“I’m not my mother…” Spencer said, choking back his own tears, “I can’t be like that… I won’t be like that… he’s wrong… he called it psychosomatic like I’d will myself to ever be that way…”
Aaron stilled, arms around his lover protectively, “What did he say was psychosomatic, Spencer?”
“My headaches… and the hallucinations…” He winced at that word, at owning up to that. “They’re just like my thoughts except when they flash past it’s not just tangible thought, it’s tangible sight and sound.”
“Did they try medications for it?”
“For the hallucinations?! I’m not going on antipsychotics, Hotch! I’m not psychotic!”
“…Spencer, I meant for the headaches. I know you’re not psychotic. Believe me, believe me I know you’re not psychotic.”
There was a flash of recognition then, “Hey that’s right, he didn’t even address the neurochemical causes, such as caffeine withdrawal or serotonin or dopamine levels, or… or any of that, he just jumped from physical trauma or presentation…” He let out a shaky breath, “It’s perfectly rational that I could have a fluctuation in my brain chemistry leading to this for any number of… Aaron, I… I’m sorry, I should have just talked with you about all of this instead of being so secretive.”
“Good to know, maybe next time you’ll remember that before you decide to redecorate. We’d better get to the ER before it fills up.”
“It’s 7PM on a Friday, too late. The only way I could have timed it better would be if I had held out until Thanksgiving or Christmas.”
“Maybe you should take that week off, just to relax. Normally you’d have realized that before even going in, and I get that it’s hard to be introspective about yourself, I do… but maybe some of the stress from work is making this worse.”
“You mean you think I’m missing the trees to see the forest?”
“Something like that, you bypassed procedure because you had an epiphany. It could’ve gotten you killed, it could have gotten the two hostages killed, and for what? To get there a minute faster? I realize it wasn’t intentional, if it was I’d have skinned you for it.”
Spencer leaned in and kissed Aaron, this time with precision and not a forceful meeting of bodies- or teeth.
“Yeah… maybe a week off would be a good idea.”
“That’s settled. We’ll find a reputable neurologist, get that squared away, get rid of your headaches and give you time for a vacation to relax. It’s a shame I can’t join you, but what do you think you’ll do? A cruise? Go to Vegas? Stay at home and watch movies?”
“That last one sounds nice. Can it be your home?” He smiled suggestively, “And then when you get off work…” his voice perked how he said it, fiddling with Aaron’s tie. “You can join me.”
“Hmm, sounds relaxing…” they exchange a handful of kissed before Aaron redirects the bedroom eyes they are both growing more and more into, “But first we have to get that taken care of. Come on.”
“Yeah. I figured. You aren’t mad that I lied to you, are you?”
Aaron shook his head, “No. Richard Bach once said, ‘The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid…’ and I can’t condemn you for that. But I can reassure you and tell you we’ll figure this out together. Can you promise me that you won’t shut me out again?”
“I can’t, but I can promise to try.”
“For now, that’s more than enough.”
Finito.