"Passenger" (Chapter Five)
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter Five
Charlie came barreling down the stairs a moment later, rifle drawn, in absolute hysterics, "Bella, Cass?! Girls are you safe?! Who's there?!" he yelled out. It took me a split second to figure out why he was acting like this, and realized that he thought the crashing sound of Leah slamming the door sounded like an intruder bursting into the house.
"We're fine Dad. The wind just picked up and slammed the door when I was closing it." I fibbed, trying my best not to let the giggles that were about to explode out of me at any second escape, Cass had her hand clamped tightly over her mouth as well - Charlie looked like a crazed maniac in pajamas with a gun, and his hair sticking out in a hundred different directions, bedhead.
"Geeze Bells, you scared the hell out of me. Trying to give your old man another heart attack?" He joked, but I didn't find the last part very funny.
"That's not anything to make jokes about Dad." I scolded, "Now please go hang the gun up and come have some breakfast." He nodded and made his way back up the stairs to put the gun away.
"Oh dear God, that was hysterical Bella. You're Dad was seriously about to bust a cap in someone's ass." Cass laughed out as she bent over clutching her stomach, trying to take in deep breaths to calm herself down.
"He's not use to having anyone in the house with him again I guess, it's been a few years." I shook my head and smiled at Cass, who was still trying to compose herself, and went back to the stove-top, pouring new pancake batter in the pan.
Charlie came back down about ten minutes later, this time looking much saner, now wearing a pair of jeans and a plaid button down, hair combed. We all ate in comfortable silence for a bit, but I needed to ask him something, and I hoped he would be truthful with me, and that the answer wouldn't hurt too badly.
"Dad…" I started off, and he looked up from the newspaper he was reading, "Um, who was with you? You know, when you had your heart attack. You never told me who was here to call 911 for you." I wanted to know why Jake was here, but I didn't want Charlie to know that I already had the answers to the questions I was asking.
He took in a sharp deep breath and wound up choking on the bite of omelet he had just put in his mouth. I instinctively went to his side and started patting his back, and after a few coughs, and chugs of juice he was able to catch his breath. "What was that about?" I asked.
"Uh, nothing, you just... caught me off guard with the questioning." I looked at him, confused.
"Okay, well I'm sorry, didn't mean to." I paused a moment and sat back down in my chair across from him, waiting for him to answer me. Finally after a few minutes of silence, I got frustrated, "So, what is it some kind of secret then, or are you going to tell me who was here?"
Charlie stared at me for what felt like an hour, the look in his eyes telling me everything I needed to know - he wasn't sure if he should tell me that Jake was here that day. To tell me that maybe Jake was here all the time, Leah did say he was at the hospital with Charlie a lot.
"Yeah, um, I was here by myself Bells. It was only a minor one, so… I was able to call the ambulance myself." He looked past me this time, while the lies slipped past his lips, and then flung the newspaper back up in front of his face, hiding the shame I'm sure he wore at lying to his daughter.
I sat there, dumbstruck that Charlie would just blatantly lie to me like that, that he was withholding that Jacob was here with him. Why would he hide that? Cass looked at me, concern in her eyes, asking me without words what was going on. I just shrugged; I couldn't really do much more then that… But I could, I could demand Charlie tell me the truth.
"I know Jacob was here Dad, so why are you lying to me?" My voice was sharp. His hands gripped the paper tightly in the fists he was making, and his body went rigid and tense.
"And how do you know that Bella?" He sighed out.
"Leah was here this morning, and she mentioned that Jake was here that day. She mentioned that Jake's been spending a lot of time with you, everyday while you were in the hospital." He lowered the paper from his face slowly, and I shot daggers at my father through the small slit of my strained eyes.
"Oh Bells." He sighed out again after looking at me a moment, and the sad look on his face instantly melted away all the anger and frustration I was feeling, he seemed completely hopeless, and I knew I was the cause behind it.
"Dad tell me, explain to me. Please." I pleaded, and just then Cass cleared her throat. I realized immediately that this father/daughter moment must have been uncomfortable for her, as her father who she was very close with, had died in a hunting accident five years ago.
I shot her an apologetic look, and she nodded her head and excused herself from the table. While she started walking past me, I could see the tears welling in her eyes. I grabbed her hand before she was completely out of the kitchen and gave it a reassuring squeeze, trying to comfort her. She smiled at me then, and went to sit in the living room.
"She gonna be okay?" Charlie asked.
"Yeah, she's an incredibly strong person." I stood and slid into the chair that Cass had just occupied, and was now right next to Charlie's side. I grabbed his hand this time in both of mine, and looked at him with pleading eyes, "Tell me what's going on."
He took a moment to collect his thoughts, and I tried to make sense of the emotions dancing across his face. He seemed so happy that I was here now, that I was back at home and with him, but then he would flash to a look that just broke my heart into pieces.
"When you left," he started, pausing with a light cough, choking back tears I'm sure, "when you left Forks to go off to college, I was sad, naturally. I mean, I had only gotten a few short years back with you, and was really just so glad that you were here with me. But, I was okay with you going off to school, because I just… I just figured you would have come back, spent the summers with your old man, with your friends… with Jake." I reflexively pulled back at the mention of Jake, the way he said it felt like a slap to my face, though I know that wasn't his intent, but he took my hand and pulled me back to him.
"It was just too hard." I whispered out, not even bothering to try to stop the tears from coming.
"I know baby," he put a hand to my cheek and wiped off a tear, and I pushed my face into his palm, I've missed my father so much. "It's just, you left a lot of people behind here, and all of them except me without a proper goodbye, without an explanation… and leaving your truck by the Black's garage, is not a goodbye Bella, and you know it." He didn't attempt to hide his disgust at that last part, hell I was disgusted with myself, so I didn't blame him.
"After you didn't come back that first summer, I knew… Honestly, I held out hope that you would have come home, but I guess I always knew that you probably wouldn't. But, when you really didn't, I just knew that when you had said goodbye that it was your last time here. Jake though, that boy took it hard, and refused to give up hope that you would come back. He really thought you would have realized you made some sort of mistake… or maybe that you missed him, missed me, enough to come home, even for just a quick visit, even just to explain to him why you had to leave without saying goodbye."
This was probably the longest conversation I had ever had with my father, and it was tearing me apart that this had to be the content of it. I knew I hurt Jake, hurt my father, the Pack and the Cullen's, when I just left, but to hear someone else saying it, to hear it from someone I loved so much, was almost too much to bear.
Charlie waited for me to respond, to say something, but everything I could think to say, just seemed like not enough. There was nothing I could say that would make what I did acceptable. So I just cried. I leaned into him, he wrapped his arms around me, and I just cried.
"I didn't want you to know Jake was here Bells, I didn't want to upset you like this by telling all of it. Jacob's been here everyday Bella. Every single day for the past four years, he has come here for a few hours and waited with me, for you to come home, to come back to us." Charlie tightened his arms around me, and I just repeated "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry" over and over again in between my sobs into his shoulder.
"Alright Missy, you have some serious explaining to do." Cass was wagging her finger at me, and getting very close to shaking me by the shoulders in frustration.
"What?" I asked innocently, though I knew she wanted me to explain everything that had happened this morning, between Leah's unexpected appearance, and then Charlie's and my heart to heart breakdown.
I had gone to sit down with Cass on the couch to make sure she was alright after Charlie and I had finished our conversation. Billy had just called, so he went upstairs in his room to take the call, and give Cass and I some privacy. I was so emotionally drained, and really did not know if I could lie to Cass about my past anymore.
"I've never pushed you Bella, never once tried to force you to tell me all the stuff you hide from me. But… this is getting ridiculous. Something big happened that's kept you from coming back here. Then this crazy chick comes in here, looks like she's about to chew your face off. And then, you're Dad's lying to you about this Jake guy, then the two of you are all crying and hugging. Bella, you are my best friend, and I love you, and I want to help you, but I can't help you get through this, face whatever this is, if you don't tell me what's going on."
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I couldn't keep lying to her, and most of all I didn't want to anymore. I wanted to be able to share all my secrets with her, more then anything I just wanted someone to understand.
"I was engaged, when I was eighteen." She seemed a bit taken aback by that news, I had never even dated a single guy while we were in school and now I was telling her I was engaged, but she just nodded, and urged me to continue. "His name was Edward Cullen, and he was killed… right before I left for Florida. And he… was a… Vampire."
I waited. I waited for her to either burst into a fit of laughter, look at me like I need to be committed, for something, anything, but instead she just looked at me, urging me, waiting for me to continue. "You believe me? That my fiancé was a Vampire? Just like that?"
"My father didn't die in a hunting accident Bella; there was no rabid bear or whatever. I saw his body before he was cremated. He had bite marks, like someone, a human someone, dug their razor sharp teeth all over his neck and wrists. He had no blood left in his body when they found him. An animal would not leave marks like that, wouldn't be able to drain his blood. I tried to get anyone else to admit it, to admit that it was a person and not an animal, but no one would. The police, the coroner, my own mother - not one person would try to see the obvious. So yea, if you tell me there are Vampires in this world Bella, I'm going to believe you."
I was dumbstruck again for the second time today. I had no idea. She never even hinted at thinking that was what had happened to her father. "I… I don't know what to say."
"You don't need to say anything, except to tell me the rest of the story. I want to understand, and maybe what you have to tell me, will help me better understand what happened to my father." A tear rolled down her cheek, and she took my hands in hers.
I told her everything. I started from the beginning when I first came back to Forks for my junior year in High school, when I first met Edward and the rest of the Cullen family. About Phoenix and James. I sobbed through the re-telling of how Edward left me after my 18th birthday party and how broken I was.
With a giant smile on my face, I told her about Jacob, the motorcycles, about how he brought me back to life from the inside out, and how he actually saved my life after I jumped from the cliff just to hear Edwards voice. I told her about the Pack, and laughed as I reminisced about the crazy antics of the boys, and then tried my best to explain the whole Emily/Sam/Leah thing. I skimmed over Italy, not wanting to scare her too much about who the Volturi were, because in truth, they still scared the hell out of me, and I worried everyday that they would come looking for me.
I explained to her that Edward had only left to protect me, not because he didn't love me, and we got back together after I came home, and were engaged shortly there after. That he was going to change me after our wedding, that I wanted to be a Vampire too and be a part of his family.
"So what about Jacob though? The way you talk about him, it seems as if you were in love with him too, how did you just go back to Edward? How could you actually want to be a Vampire?" She asked, genuinely curious, and concerned by the choices that I wanted to make once upon a time. I swallowed hard, unsure how to explain to her my childish decisions.
"I was young Cass. I was young and in love, and I wanted to spend a million lifetimes with Edward. I did love Jake too, I just didn't realize it at the time. I didn't realize a lot of things at the time." I continued on and told her about Victoria, and the Newborns. And then I finally broke.
"I just dismissed him. I told him to go back down with his family, with the wolves in the fight with the Newborns. I was so angry with him, but that does not make it right. The last moments that we spent together were being mad and hurt by him. He came back though. Victoria found us, and he came back to make sure that I was away and safe, and then he went to go and help Jacob fight her and the Vampires she brought with her. But he… he didn't survive. Jacob came back to the clearing where Edward had me hide with Seth, and he told me… Jake had to be the one to tell me Edward was killed." I had to take a moment to stop remembering, I needed to breathe. I was crying so hard, gasping for air.
Cass pulled me into her side and ran her fingers through my hair. After a few minutes, I was able to calm down a little, "I never got to tell him I loved him. I wasn't able to tell him I was sorry for being mad at him, to thank him for keeping me safe, for helping Jacob. I never got to tell him I loved him…"
She pushed me from her side and grasped my face with both hands, making me look her in the eyes, "He knew Bella. You know that he knew you loved him. You were willing to give up your humanity to spend forever with him. He knew you loved him." I shook my head in agreement, she was right, and I did know that. I've just let myself wallow in this for all these years because I just felt so guilty.
"So that's why you left though? Why you haven't come back?"
"Yes… and no."
She laughed, "What kind of answer is that Bella?"
"A truthful one, I'm still not entirely sure why I haven't come back. I guess it's just been everything. I left without saying goodbye to anyone, other then Charlie. I felt too ashamed to come back after leaving like that. At first, it was because I didn't want to face this place, the place that took Edward away from me, to face all the people that tried to comfort me afterward, to come back to the people that reminded me of that day, of him. Then I was so embarrassed by the way I acted, just up and leaving everyone behind, acting like I blamed them for his death, I couldn't come back. And then…"
I trailed off, thinking about how I wanted to come home two months ago for Spring Break, to face my metaphorical demons, and then didn't when Charlie mentioned some new girl hanging around La Push and always being around Jake and the Black house. I couldn't come back when I knew Jacob imprinted.
"And then what?" She prodded.
"Jake's with someone now. That imprinting thing I mentioned before, with Sam and Emily, why Leah's such a bitch," we laughed, and then my smile instantly faded, "Jake found his imprint, so when I was going to try to come back, the last time I convinced myself I could… I found that out, and I wussed out. I realize finally how much I loved him then, how much I love him now, but I was too late, and now he's with the woman he's supposed to be with." She held onto my hand again, and we both sighed. I explained in detail imprinting to her, so she knew exactly what I did, there was no hope for Jake and me now.
"It'll be okay Bella, I promise. I'm here for you, you're Dad loves you to pieces. We will make this all better together. Even if you and Jake can't be together the way you want, you know he deserves an explanation, he deserves an apology for the way you left. And I'll be by your side, supporting you, and… even pushing you a little bit to get him that apology before we head back to Florida." She looked at me with a joking scowl, and I wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I could. I was just so relieved to finally have all of that off my chest, and someone to share all of this with.
"We should do something tonight, it's a Friday night after all, and I think we could use some fun time." Cass suggested, her words muffled in my hair. Just as I was leaning back from her to suggest maybe driving down to Port Angeles to hit a bar, we heard Charlie coming down the stairs.
"Hey girls," he yelled out before entering the living room. "Billy invited us down to La Push tonight for a Bonfire, and I told him that we would be thrilled to come, and that includes the two of you." The look on his face told me he was not going to take no for an answer, but I had to try anyway.
"But Dad," I whined out, channeling my inner rebellious teenager, but Charlie interrupted me before I could continue.
"No 'buts' Bella. Billy is very excited to see you, and you cannot hide from your past forever… and you cannot put off facing Jacob anymore. You will do this baby, and you will do whatever you can to make things right with Jake, he deserves it, and so do you. Clear?" He was in full Charlie Swan Cop mode giving me no way out, but I knew he was right.
I had to face everyone, and I had to talk to Jake, I had to apologize to him, even if that wasn't enough. I looked over to Cass, she squeezed my hand tight, reassuring me that she was in this with me, and she would be by my side if I needed her to be. I looked back to Charlie, and with a shrug of my shoulders, I mumbled out an 'okay', and the decision was made. I was going to La Push tonight. I was going to face the Pack, and I was going to face Jacob… and the woman who now held his heart.
To be continued...