I'm no saint!
Some people were very nice to me in the comments of my last post. However, it made me a bit concerned...I wonder if I'm portraying myself on this blog as some sort of amazing, wonderful, miss. I-can-do-it-all-and-still-be-godly person.
So let me set the record straight - I'm not.
Yesterday, when I got home from work, I was really rude and impatient with my sister.
I fell asleep while reading the cross centered-life after the kids I was babysitting went to bed, so I woke up and watched grays anatomy instead.
I slept in this morning, and didn't have my quiet time cause I had to get to work.
I'm very tempted to just go to the Beach tomorrow, even though I know it will make getting ready for my church's evangelistic block party a little hectic, and I should probably stay home to clean a little.
We all have our battles. Sometimes mine seem so hard, and I always seem to fail. I choose to serve myself instead of others. Or, I choose to be lazy instead of working hard. Or I choose to give into my irritation instead of being loving and charitable. I choose to compare my life with others and be discontent instead of being grateful for the blessings the Lord has allowed me to have.
I could go on and on - seriously.
But, I don't think it honors God when we just focus on the sin and the struggle and fail to acknowledge the strength and hope we have in Jesus. So usually I try to highlight the grace God is giving me - in my posts, in my conversations, just in general. I want to get in the habit of seeing God's grace in every situation so that I can give him praise and glory in everything. But, I'm afraid that maybe I am presenting to others that I have no problems, or no struggles, or that life is a cake walk - cause if I am then something is wrong. That is not reality!!!!
When you see the joy and the good and the faith and peace and gratefulness on my blog, it is because I am intentionally fighting to keep that ever before my eyes, even though I am tempted to look in-ward and down-ward and become self focused and self pittying, I am refusing to do so - I am forcing my gaze on my Savior - the bringger of true peace and joy - the lover of my soul - the only one who can help me in my time of need.
So, this will be something I pray about - How can I accurately portray the struggle that goes on within me? How can I acknowledge a struggle and sin, and still highlight grace, and honor God? How can I say that I've never been happier, and I've never been in so much pain, confusion, and struggle and not confuse people? I'm fighting harder than I've ever fought. The battle has gotten so intense sometimes I feel like I can't even stand up on my own two feet because the ache in my stomach is so dull and strong, but the grace has never been sweeter! and when I look to my Savior and recound all His mercies, and sit at His feet I feel like there is nothing more I could ever want, or ever desire because my heart is filled with only HIm, and he makes my life a joy, an adventure, an amazement every day!
I don't know if this makes things more confusing or not...but that's where I'm at, thanks for bearing with me.
So let me set the record straight - I'm not.
Yesterday, when I got home from work, I was really rude and impatient with my sister.
I fell asleep while reading the cross centered-life after the kids I was babysitting went to bed, so I woke up and watched grays anatomy instead.
I slept in this morning, and didn't have my quiet time cause I had to get to work.
I'm very tempted to just go to the Beach tomorrow, even though I know it will make getting ready for my church's evangelistic block party a little hectic, and I should probably stay home to clean a little.
We all have our battles. Sometimes mine seem so hard, and I always seem to fail. I choose to serve myself instead of others. Or, I choose to be lazy instead of working hard. Or I choose to give into my irritation instead of being loving and charitable. I choose to compare my life with others and be discontent instead of being grateful for the blessings the Lord has allowed me to have.
I could go on and on - seriously.
But, I don't think it honors God when we just focus on the sin and the struggle and fail to acknowledge the strength and hope we have in Jesus. So usually I try to highlight the grace God is giving me - in my posts, in my conversations, just in general. I want to get in the habit of seeing God's grace in every situation so that I can give him praise and glory in everything. But, I'm afraid that maybe I am presenting to others that I have no problems, or no struggles, or that life is a cake walk - cause if I am then something is wrong. That is not reality!!!!
When you see the joy and the good and the faith and peace and gratefulness on my blog, it is because I am intentionally fighting to keep that ever before my eyes, even though I am tempted to look in-ward and down-ward and become self focused and self pittying, I am refusing to do so - I am forcing my gaze on my Savior - the bringger of true peace and joy - the lover of my soul - the only one who can help me in my time of need.
So, this will be something I pray about - How can I accurately portray the struggle that goes on within me? How can I acknowledge a struggle and sin, and still highlight grace, and honor God? How can I say that I've never been happier, and I've never been in so much pain, confusion, and struggle and not confuse people? I'm fighting harder than I've ever fought. The battle has gotten so intense sometimes I feel like I can't even stand up on my own two feet because the ache in my stomach is so dull and strong, but the grace has never been sweeter! and when I look to my Savior and recound all His mercies, and sit at His feet I feel like there is nothing more I could ever want, or ever desire because my heart is filled with only HIm, and he makes my life a joy, an adventure, an amazement every day!
I don't know if this makes things more confusing or not...but that's where I'm at, thanks for bearing with me.