Here are all the things I want to say to your face, but dont just to keep the peace.
1) I am not HER. I will never be. I can't ever be. I don't like feeling like I'm always being compared to her in the back of your mind. I will never measure up because I don't have that kind of history with you. I wish I could, but you make it impossible for me to get any closer to you. I try and try, but I get nowhere. I can only get as far as you let me get...
2) Why are your problems always more important than mine? Sometimes there are things going on in my life that pale in comparison to yours, and so I provide for you a shoulder to lean on. I wish you would do the same in return. I don't think it's necessarily that you're selfish, I think it may be that you really don't have the ability to recognize when something is really wrong in my life. You always make me feel like my problems are nothing compared to yours.
3) When I ask you what's wrong, you shut down. You never let me in, I never get a chance to help you. Are you calling HER instead and telling her all the things you should be telling me? I feel like the emotional part of our relationship is lacking lately. It's always sex, dumb arguments, or overly affectionate words. It's rarely deep conversation. My favorite nights are when we lay in my bed, cuddling, talking for hours about everything. The kind of conversation where, when we finally pass out to sleep and I wake up next to you the next morning, I feel close to you. I feel that I have gotten to know a part of you that you rarely show to others, and in that moment I am the closest I have ever been to you.
4) I hate how you change the way you act when people are around. When we are alone, you are the most amazingly sweet guy and I love that. But when you're around your friends, maybe you feel as if you need to impress them by being rude and condescending to me, but you make me feel like I don't matter. I hate feeling like that. I don't liek when you make me look stupid infront of my friends or even your friends. I just don't understand because I treat you the same way regardless of the people we are around. I am always sweet to you, if people are looking or not.
5) You don't ever have real conversations with me on the phone. You barely answer. It's a surprise when you actually pick up. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but it's the fact that you talk to HER 4 times a week that really gets to me. Please explain this because I will never understand....
6) Medicine doesn't change the way someone is. I am very sensative about this subject, so please stop using it against me when we argue. When I tell you "Baby, I'm freaking out," the correct response to this IS NOT to say with mean intent: "Go take your pills, you'll feel better."
7) I hate how you don't trust me. I don't care what you say, you really don't trust me. The fact that I told you I would spend my New Years Eve in your house bored out of my mind instead of partying with my friends, as long as it meant that I could kiss you at midnight, and you responded "No it's fine, I'm sure you'll find another guy to kiss anyways," means that you really don't know me at all. I have told you hundreds of times that I would never cheat on you. I love you too much to ever do that. I would never jeopardize what we have. EVER. You know this. I tell you it almost every day.
8) When you drink, you get mad at me really easily over the dumbest stuff. Sometimes you say really hurtful things, and then you don't remember it in the morning. You fail to realize that even if you blacked out, I remember it in the morning.
9) You get mad at me all the time on the phone for no reason and hang up. When I call you back, like the tool I am, you never pick up. When I hang up on you, you don't even call me back. Similarly, when we get into an argument in person, online, anywhere, you do not pick up your phone when we clearly need to talk about it.
10) When you walk away, I chase you. I'm too scared to lose you. I am way too scared to walk away from you because you've never chased me in the past. Sometimes when I call out your name infront of everyone, after you've walken away, you just ignore me and keep walking. I stand there looking like an idiot. That is one of the most lonely feelings in the world.
11) Just tell me you care about me and that you love me every once in a while. You have no idea how good that makes me feel. When you hold me, everything in the world is right. When I'm with you, I do not have a single worry in the world. It sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I really don't think you realize how good you can make me feel.
12) I hate how you will read this and it will be the start of a fight. Something about you thinking you hurt me all the time, you think you're a piece of shit, I deserve better, you have all these problems wrong with you. Whatever your reason is, please don't fight me about this. These are simply things that hurt me that have really been getting to me lately. I can't hold it in anymore because its taking a huge negative toll on me. All I need is to talk about it with you. I love you. Just remeber that. I want to be with you and we really are good together. Please don't think otherwise.
2) Why are your problems always more important than mine? Sometimes there are things going on in my life that pale in comparison to yours, and so I provide for you a shoulder to lean on. I wish you would do the same in return. I don't think it's necessarily that you're selfish, I think it may be that you really don't have the ability to recognize when something is really wrong in my life. You always make me feel like my problems are nothing compared to yours.
3) When I ask you what's wrong, you shut down. You never let me in, I never get a chance to help you. Are you calling HER instead and telling her all the things you should be telling me? I feel like the emotional part of our relationship is lacking lately. It's always sex, dumb arguments, or overly affectionate words. It's rarely deep conversation. My favorite nights are when we lay in my bed, cuddling, talking for hours about everything. The kind of conversation where, when we finally pass out to sleep and I wake up next to you the next morning, I feel close to you. I feel that I have gotten to know a part of you that you rarely show to others, and in that moment I am the closest I have ever been to you.
4) I hate how you change the way you act when people are around. When we are alone, you are the most amazingly sweet guy and I love that. But when you're around your friends, maybe you feel as if you need to impress them by being rude and condescending to me, but you make me feel like I don't matter. I hate feeling like that. I don't liek when you make me look stupid infront of my friends or even your friends. I just don't understand because I treat you the same way regardless of the people we are around. I am always sweet to you, if people are looking or not.
5) You don't ever have real conversations with me on the phone. You barely answer. It's a surprise when you actually pick up. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but it's the fact that you talk to HER 4 times a week that really gets to me. Please explain this because I will never understand....
6) Medicine doesn't change the way someone is. I am very sensative about this subject, so please stop using it against me when we argue. When I tell you "Baby, I'm freaking out," the correct response to this IS NOT to say with mean intent: "Go take your pills, you'll feel better."
7) I hate how you don't trust me. I don't care what you say, you really don't trust me. The fact that I told you I would spend my New Years Eve in your house bored out of my mind instead of partying with my friends, as long as it meant that I could kiss you at midnight, and you responded "No it's fine, I'm sure you'll find another guy to kiss anyways," means that you really don't know me at all. I have told you hundreds of times that I would never cheat on you. I love you too much to ever do that. I would never jeopardize what we have. EVER. You know this. I tell you it almost every day.
8) When you drink, you get mad at me really easily over the dumbest stuff. Sometimes you say really hurtful things, and then you don't remember it in the morning. You fail to realize that even if you blacked out, I remember it in the morning.
9) You get mad at me all the time on the phone for no reason and hang up. When I call you back, like the tool I am, you never pick up. When I hang up on you, you don't even call me back. Similarly, when we get into an argument in person, online, anywhere, you do not pick up your phone when we clearly need to talk about it.
10) When you walk away, I chase you. I'm too scared to lose you. I am way too scared to walk away from you because you've never chased me in the past. Sometimes when I call out your name infront of everyone, after you've walken away, you just ignore me and keep walking. I stand there looking like an idiot. That is one of the most lonely feelings in the world.
11) Just tell me you care about me and that you love me every once in a while. You have no idea how good that makes me feel. When you hold me, everything in the world is right. When I'm with you, I do not have a single worry in the world. It sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I really don't think you realize how good you can make me feel.
12) I hate how you will read this and it will be the start of a fight. Something about you thinking you hurt me all the time, you think you're a piece of shit, I deserve better, you have all these problems wrong with you. Whatever your reason is, please don't fight me about this. These are simply things that hurt me that have really been getting to me lately. I can't hold it in anymore because its taking a huge negative toll on me. All I need is to talk about it with you. I love you. Just remeber that. I want to be with you and we really are good together. Please don't think otherwise.