Past and present collide
On Sunday while driving I glimpsed a church sign for some evangelical congregation and it caused a discombobulating moment. My emotions sighed happily, like, "Oh, isn't that nice?" like I would have done as an evangelical Christian. This despite the fact that I've rejected all religion for about 20 years, particularly the kinds that proselytize. This fleeting experience gave me to wonder whether growing old and senile will make me forget I'm an atheist. It's maybe not an irrational fear, considering that my grandmother in the nursing home mistook me for my grandfather and flirted. But still not worth worrying about.
So this morning I dreamt I was in university during exams. I was in a home room class like we had in high school, waiting there until it was time to go write one exam or another. Rob, one of my closest friends from the church and university days, was also there, along with one of his disciples, an international student. We were hanging out, comparing exam schedules and figuring out where to go next. I still had classes to attend, too.
I had a semi-lucid moment when I realized I was an evangelical Christian again. It reminded me of the real life incident with the church sign.
I thought, "Oh no, it's happening, this is bad."
Then I forgot about it and went on being evangelical.
In real life, since Rob's family lived in Connecticutt, one time I invited him home over the Christmas holidays. I did the same with a couple other students who lived in Hong Kong. So in my dream, when I realized Rob and his friend didn't have anything to do for the holidays, I invited them to spend the holidays with me at home, and they agreed.
Then I remembered Marian and Brenna would be coming home with me, too, and Marian would be bringing his in-the-dream boyfriend, Daniel. They were all the age they really are now. In the dream I substituted my friend Dave's son Daniel for Marian's real partner, Robynn (kind of makes sense dream-wise, because Dave is also a gay dad, Daniel is Marian's age, and they rented our cottage earlier this month). But in the dream Marian was his normal transgender self. I visualized him wearing the handsome black and yellow checked shirt that he wored to Joyce's funeral. So at least my psyche wasn't confused about Marian's gender.
Then I started worrying about how everybody would get down to my parents' place because there were too many people to fit in my car. But I guessed Marian and Brenna could travel down on the train.
Then I wondered what Rob would think of my children. So I told him they were coming, too. He gave me a blank look of disbelief, as if he knew all about them, disapproved, and didn't know how to handle being with them. But I didn't give a shit what he thought, and it was time to end this dream.
So this morning I dreamt I was in university during exams. I was in a home room class like we had in high school, waiting there until it was time to go write one exam or another. Rob, one of my closest friends from the church and university days, was also there, along with one of his disciples, an international student. We were hanging out, comparing exam schedules and figuring out where to go next. I still had classes to attend, too.
I had a semi-lucid moment when I realized I was an evangelical Christian again. It reminded me of the real life incident with the church sign.
I thought, "Oh no, it's happening, this is bad."
Then I forgot about it and went on being evangelical.
In real life, since Rob's family lived in Connecticutt, one time I invited him home over the Christmas holidays. I did the same with a couple other students who lived in Hong Kong. So in my dream, when I realized Rob and his friend didn't have anything to do for the holidays, I invited them to spend the holidays with me at home, and they agreed.
Then I remembered Marian and Brenna would be coming home with me, too, and Marian would be bringing his in-the-dream boyfriend, Daniel. They were all the age they really are now. In the dream I substituted my friend Dave's son Daniel for Marian's real partner, Robynn (kind of makes sense dream-wise, because Dave is also a gay dad, Daniel is Marian's age, and they rented our cottage earlier this month). But in the dream Marian was his normal transgender self. I visualized him wearing the handsome black and yellow checked shirt that he wored to Joyce's funeral. So at least my psyche wasn't confused about Marian's gender.
Then I started worrying about how everybody would get down to my parents' place because there were too many people to fit in my car. But I guessed Marian and Brenna could travel down on the train.
Then I wondered what Rob would think of my children. So I told him they were coming, too. He gave me a blank look of disbelief, as if he knew all about them, disapproved, and didn't know how to handle being with them. But I didn't give a shit what he thought, and it was time to end this dream.