From where I used to stand
ghostsandrobots posted something recently about a question I asked her in one of those memes back in 2003, when I was new to LJ and making lots of important friends. I asked her what she thought she would be doing by the time she reached my age, 39. Now she is almost 39 and I am almost 51. LJ has had an unfathomable effect on my life, particularly bringing me together with djjo, but much more besides.
In 2003 I was living in a rundown flat above a shop. Nightmare neighbours lived upstairs, and their behaviour would become more disturbing and intrusive over the next several years. I was recovering from abdominal surgery and a temporary colostomy. Since 1996 I'd had so many revolving door romances I can't begin to count or even remember all their names. Most of these men had little in common with me. I was intensely polyamorous, and posts often celebrated my outgoing sexuality. The Rainbow Chorus was vital to my social life.
Also since 1996, I had been unemployed. I wanted to be a novelist but had no idea how to make a living. Depression was so often a factor in day-to-day life, I believed I was unemployable. I was living on a kind of forced hope that my life would improve, because hope was better than despair.
I don't remember whether anyone at the time asked me what I imagined I'd be doing when I turned 51. I didn't meet Danny until July 2003, my third month on LJ, and I couldn't have anticipated how different it would be from previous romantic relationships: how gradual, gentle and companionable. I think I'd be surprised at how much I've settled down.
I probably hoped I'd be earning a better income by now, but I didn't believe I had the confidence and discipline to become my own boss, or that I would make a successful start in freelance journalism: getting paid for work I loved doing, and being offered assignments by editors who appreciate my abilities as a writer. Considering those question memes back in 2003, it might have dawned on me how much I love interviewing intelligent, passionate people. My work as a writer seems to fill the space that sex used to occupy in my life. I never dreamt I'd learn to knit, weave and spin. Now Guelph Guild of Handweavers and Spinners and the Guelph Chapter of Professional Writers Association of Canada are essential to my social life. I haven't published a novel, but I'm working consistently on fiction.
If I could send a message back, I'd say: "The best is yet to come."
In 2003 I was living in a rundown flat above a shop. Nightmare neighbours lived upstairs, and their behaviour would become more disturbing and intrusive over the next several years. I was recovering from abdominal surgery and a temporary colostomy. Since 1996 I'd had so many revolving door romances I can't begin to count or even remember all their names. Most of these men had little in common with me. I was intensely polyamorous, and posts often celebrated my outgoing sexuality. The Rainbow Chorus was vital to my social life.
Also since 1996, I had been unemployed. I wanted to be a novelist but had no idea how to make a living. Depression was so often a factor in day-to-day life, I believed I was unemployable. I was living on a kind of forced hope that my life would improve, because hope was better than despair.
I don't remember whether anyone at the time asked me what I imagined I'd be doing when I turned 51. I didn't meet Danny until July 2003, my third month on LJ, and I couldn't have anticipated how different it would be from previous romantic relationships: how gradual, gentle and companionable. I think I'd be surprised at how much I've settled down.
I probably hoped I'd be earning a better income by now, but I didn't believe I had the confidence and discipline to become my own boss, or that I would make a successful start in freelance journalism: getting paid for work I loved doing, and being offered assignments by editors who appreciate my abilities as a writer. Considering those question memes back in 2003, it might have dawned on me how much I love interviewing intelligent, passionate people. My work as a writer seems to fill the space that sex used to occupy in my life. I never dreamt I'd learn to knit, weave and spin. Now Guelph Guild of Handweavers and Spinners and the Guelph Chapter of Professional Writers Association of Canada are essential to my social life. I haven't published a novel, but I'm working consistently on fiction.
If I could send a message back, I'd say: "The best is yet to come."